I just wanted to share...

[lily2]

Let me begin by saying how grateful I am to have found this website. I am truly overwhelmed by the generosity of spirit and openness from members sharing their life experiences - not to mention the INCREDIBLE advice!

 

I have seen the human "mistakes" I have made through the pain of others who pour their SOULS onto the pages of these posts. Everyday, as challenging as it is, I work on forgiving myself for allowing people to treat me in disrespectful ways. It is a blessing and a curse that we learn how deep our self-loathing runs through the careless actions of another person. However, what i do know for sure is that we teach people how to treat us. I am ALWAYS responsible for the outcome of any given situation. When I don't communicate with a friend, or set boundaries with a lover or colleague, a parent...whomever, I run the risk of being dishonored, humiliated , devastated, angry and resentful. And as we know, these feelings never stick around for just a couple of days. These emotions can last for months...years. Even a lifetime.

 

In the life long process of honoring myself and protecting my self-esteem, I pledge to live in truth. I pledge to SPEAK my truth at all costs. To live with purpose, and define who and what I am. The minute we give away our power to another person is the very minute we begin to die little deaths. By the time they have accumulated you don't even realize your "dead" because you've become numb. I never want to feel that way again. I want to experience joy as often as I can in this short life. No more pain, no more regret. Thank you for letting me BREATHE this out to you over these ways If you'd like to share some of your life realizations, PLEASE feel free.

 

Peace.

[Tpysl]

Although it's not a fully complete realization, I'm starting to understand it.

 

If you have an interest in someone, take risks. I've been just sitting on the trunk of the car all my life. I'm making my way into actually sitting in the car now. It hurts more to think about someone all day who you have no idea whether they like you or not rather than to find out as soon as possible if you have a chance. If you don't, brush it off and move on; it wasn't meant to be. If they like you, then HOORAY!

 

Although I have yet to have a girlfriend , I actually know more than my friends who date a lot do.

[Celadon]

Hi Lily - thanks for sharing your realizations. We do "die little deaths" when we are not attentive to our needs and boundaries. I am only sorry that more people aren't aware of how actions can infringe on friends sometimes (I'm speaking of why we even need boundaries in the first place).

 

Anyhow, I've realized something lately too -- that I have only so much emotional capital to spend every day, so I'd better spend it on what's important. Meaning, I can't concern myself with every situation, every person who needs something from me, etc. If I do, I end up neglecting to take care of myself, 'cause I'm so busy taking care of other people's stuff. And then I get grumpy and angry. It's taken me a looong time to understand this.

 

So I am vowing to just ignore, as much as I can, the negative people and situations that come up. If someone doesn't like how I'm doing my job, for example, and I'm really doing as best I can, then that's their issue. I don't have to "own" it. I don't care!

 

If I spent my time caring about what other people think all the time, I'll have less time and energy to nurture my own relationships and interests. And believe me, if I'm not taking care of myself, no one else is.

 

I'm a little sad that I sound/am defensive, but I too have given too much for too long without receiving back. I hope for the best for the future, but I have learned not to have too high of expectations of others, unfortunately. My happiness must lie within.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hard pressed, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair.

[lily2]

Hello k8tie kool,

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I understand completely about "not having high expectations" of other people. Unfortunately, I still haven't learned not to. I am so quick to judge others actions simply because they didn't do what I expected them to do. I'd waste so much time being angry at the person, feeling like they had betrayed me in some way. Simply put: I was crazy I came to realize that it was easier for me to remain angry and bitter, than to pay attention to my own life. Classic case of self-sabotage. "Mine your own business" has become my lifetime MANTRA. Like you stated, "If I'm not taking care of myself, NO ONE else will be".

[Celadon]

I understand completely about "not having high expectations" of other people. Unfortunately, I still haven't learned not to. I am so quick to judge others actions simply because they didn't do what I expected them to do. I'd waste so much time being angry at the person, feeling like they had betrayed me in some way.

 

Oh, I hear you! It's definitely an uphill trudge for me in letting go of things people do. Unfortunately, to be helpful and friendly, sometimes I choose to live with bad behavior in the short-term.

 

Recently I said I'd help a friend with a project, but now she's expecting way more than I originally said yes to. Although I've got a guy friend supporting me in the boundaries I set, it still annoys me that my girl friend isn't trying to get any other help. She's just like, 'Well, I'm sure you'll figure out how to make it simple and get it all done.' EXCUSE me? Since when was the project my responsibility? So now she'll have a slipshod project, 'cause I'm sure not busting my rear to do any more than I said I would.

 

It's amazing how readily people take advantage of others. I know, I know: "They don't mean to." "You have to tell them." Well, I DO tell people -- nicely -- and it usually doesn't work. I end up being pushed to be unpleasant, which I hate.

 

Sigh. Thanks for letting me vent!