tshana Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 heey guys im a 13 year old girl and my bf is coming back from japan sep 10. he told his friends before he wants to have sex with me and this was even before we started going out... he kept telling them aafter we starterd going out. my bff says i should do him as a welcome back present, but im not so sure how to go about it, cuz hes extremely shy soo umm yeah. i was wondering how i should go about it, and i know most of the comments that im going to get are gonna say im too young and im not ready, but i am ready, plus were gonna use protection. and i know hes the right guy hes sweet and so loving and he tells me he loves me everyday and he texts me every morning and every night wishing me sweet dreams and saying he loves me. so how should i go about doing him? should i make the move, or should i hint about what i want? thankssss. tshana Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 As you've already mentioned in your post, I will say it as well. You are too young to get involved sexually with your boyfriend. How long have you even dated him? If he has already told his friend that he wanted to sleep with you even prior to dating him, doesn't that tell you something? I would strongly think about things before you make the drastic move and decide to lose it to him. Link to comment
jengh Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 What makes you think you're ready to take this (huge) step? You're 13...that's sooo young. I know you feel like you're mature and can handle the consequences but seriously rethink this. There's nothing wrong with waiting! Link to comment
melrich Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 You should wait until you are older, at 13 you are simply not ready to make such a decision and your b/f should respect you enough to wait. Link to comment
jengh Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Another thing..you say you're going to use protection, but protection fails all the time. Not trying to scare you but at 13, you're most definitely not ready for the responsibility of being pregnant and making a life altering decision. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 When I was 13 I was still playing with Barbies! Honey, the fact that this guy told his friends he wants to screw you way before you two started dating says something bad to me. This is what is going to happen; He has sex with you, tells his friends all the dirty details, gets congratulated by them, and then either cheats on you with another girl or dump you. Sorry. Had to be brutal. Link to comment
OreEle Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 99.83% you will regret it. How many people are still with the people that they "loved" when they were 13? darn close to 0. Your virginity (at least I hope it is still yours) is something special, it is one of the most precious gift you can give to someone, but you can only give it once, once you give it, you can NEVER change your mind or take it back. Added to that, if a boy says he wants to do it before you are even going out, that means that he is not interest in you, but just your body, which means that he is not the one for you, and he will not stay with you after you give yourself. I know that, as a child, you probably won't listen to the warnings of elders (I know I rarely did as a kid, heck I'm still a kid), but if you never listen to another thing that any adult says, listen to us now about this. Link to comment
HouseKitten Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Think about it like this. Worst things that can happen if you do it - your protection could fail and you get pregnant. He dumps you afterwards and tells everyone you're a * * * * . Your friends lose all respect for you. You could catch an STD. Your parents could find out and be horrified. You may regret for the rest of your life not waiting till you were older and more educated and mature to make this decision. Worst things that can happen if you don't do it - either he'll respect that you're not ready for this and stay with you, or he'll show his true colours and break up with you, which will be a lucky break for you since who wants to be with a guy who only wants you for your body? You lose very little by waiting. You could lose one heck of a lot by not. Like it or not, at 13 you are a child. How long have you even been having periods for? As someone else said - once you lose it, it's gone. No taking it back. But keeping it changes very little. There's no time limit on your virginity. The chance to lose it doesn't expire, so don't mess up just because you were in a hurry. Link to comment
SayWhen Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 The sad reality is that sex is treated like the norm in our society, for younger and younger ages. I would urge you not to do it, but it seems like you have your mind made up already. Please use protection...as many forms as possible. Condoms, vaginal foam...maybe even start the pill if you think you are responsible enough to take it every day at the same time (which I doubt you are at 13---I sure as HECK was not when I was your age!) I still have to keep on top of making sure that I have birth control UNDER control...and I'm 21!! What would you do if you got pregnant? Or, if he left you after you gave him your virginity. Or bragged to all his friends. Or used you for sex. Do you really want that reputation and risk? Maybe you think you do. Don't think there aren't consequences...because there ALWAYS are for sex. I know a girl who is 12 years old and pregnant at a local school here. She will be a mom at 13. It DOES happen...and protection fails sometimes. Maybe you can just give him the gift of being his girlfriend and save the sexual "gifts" for when you are a bit more mature. Just my $0.02. Link to comment
OreEle Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 protection fails ALL the time, look. Birth control pills are 99% effective, that sounds like a nice large, near full proof number, but it isn't. If you have sex 2x a week (which is not that much) for a year, that is 104 times over that year. The birth control will fail, on average, once in that period. And also, condoms aren't designed for smaller members, namely not-fully-developed, so a condoms effectiveness would be comprimised. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 protection fails ALL the time, look. Birth control pills are 99% effective, that sounds like a nice large, near full proof number, but it isn't. If you have sex 2x a week (which is not that much) for a year, that is 104 times over that year. The birth control will fail, on average, once in that period. And also, condoms aren't designed for smaller members, namely not-fully-developed, so a condoms effectiveness would be comprimised. No offence, but I think maybe you're a little bit against birth control or afraid of them? In my experience, when I was with my ex, we had sex twice a week for over a year. We used condoms, and I used "the shot" and we did it without a condom loads of times... and I never got pregnant. Link to comment
needadvice911 Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 DONT DO IT! You are wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy 2 young. And just to let you know boys that want to have sex with you are thinking about one thing only! And thats sex. Its considered rape you know... You are breaking the law. Do you want him to go to jail if anyone finds out? Please dont do it. How old is he?? Is he in the military or something? what is he doing in japan? OMG.. please dont do this Link to comment
OreEle Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 that's why I said "on average" there are lots of people that have used them for much longer, and there are people that had condoms fail after only weeks of sex (obviously they didn't use the same condom every time for a week, but I was just going on the numbers that the birth control companies themselves provide. Link to comment
tshana Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 hes in japan for vacation and hes the same age as me, and erm im his first gf and his best friedns keeps telling me to do it and i dont know what to tell him Link to comment
OreEle Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 hes in japan for vacation and hes the same age as me, and erm im his first gf and his best friedns keeps telling me to do it and i dont know what to tell him so basically, it is just a bunch of peer pressure of other people telling you to do it. Next, thing they'll be telling you to do one of them, then another one of them, until they all get their fill and you'll be left as nothing to them. what do YOUR friends say? Not his, yours? Link to comment
FortunateOne Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 hes in japan for vacation and hes the same age as me, and erm im his first gf and his best friedns keeps telling me to do it and i dont know what to tell him It's very simple, just tell him no and ignore your friends. The only reason for you both to comsumate your love is if you can successfully explain in detail what mature consumate love is in a 20 page thesis. Then you can truly have our adult approval for what is the most addicting experience any human can have. Link to comment
hers Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 I was 14 when I started having sex. I thought I was mature and ready. Thought I was an adult. I'm 26 now and I can barely keep my house clean, let alone take care of a child. I was way too young but I didn't think so then. I wasn't ready. I skipped 2 periods after and was scared to death I was pregnant and had to tell my mom what I did. I wasn't pregnant but that's not to say what I was doing was still ok. You're so young. You're not an adult. You're a child. You may not think so but you are. Be a child now. Be an adult in 10 years. B/c then you'll wish you'd stayed a child. Link to comment
Softcentered Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 take the time to ask yourself.. why, why do you want to sleep with him. what do you think will happen after you do what do you think will happen if you dont what do YOU want to happen do not listen to any 'friends'. of course they will say yeah go for it. but its likely that his friends are saying it to help the guy get laid and your friends are saying it to 'sound cool'. I thought i was ready.. i regret not waiting until someone deserving came along. then it would have truly meant something. dont make the same mistake. and even with protection.. you are very, very young - ENJOY BEING A CHILD before you HAVE to grow up. Link to comment
tshana Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 Well I'm not so sure... I wanted to before and my best friend is planning to do her bf as well so she was happy she wasn't the only one doing it so idk....I wanted to do it and I don't think hes that type of guy that would do me and leave... And I don't think his friends are like that either.... I told his friend that I'm not so sure about doing my bf, and he said to atleast give him a bj... What should I say? My best friend is pissed with me cuz I'm not sure anymore...... Link to comment
astromantic Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 sweetie, please consider this carefully. sex isn't just fun and games. at such a young age I'm not sure if you'd really enjoy it, or its just the hormones hitting you at the wrong time. Masturbate if you have to, it'll help (trust me, I'm female and I can tell you that masturbating will help). I didn't lose my virginity until I turned 25 and even then I'm not so sure if that was the right thing to do. The most important thing is to NOT LISTEN TO YOUR PEERS. At that age, you're all just egging each other on, trying to see who's "braver" but really is this what you call being brave? Brave to risk getting pregnant? Getting an STD? Losing respect from your love ones? Link to comment
OreEle Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Well I'm not so sure... I wanted to before and my best friend is planning to do her bf as well so she was happy she wasn't the only one doing it so idk....I wanted to do it and I don't think hes that type of guy that would do me and leave... And I don't think his friends are like that either.... I told his friend that I'm not so sure about doing my bf, and he said to atleast give him a bj... What should I say? My best friend is pissed with me cuz I'm not sure anymore...... so your boyfriend is "pissed" at you because you won't have sex or at least give him a bj? Does that sound like he cars about "you" or that he cares about the "sex"? You have a right to say "no" that you don't want to do something, and anyone that cares about you will respect that right. Link to comment
tshana Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 No, my boyfriend said he can wait, it's my best friend who's pissed at me cuz she's going to do her bf and she dosent wanna be the only one that lost her virginity Link to comment
avman Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Don't let your best friend tell you how to live your life. It's too bad she's pressuring you to do something just because she's decided to. But you need to stand up for yourself and make your own decisions. Never, ever do anything you don't want to do just because someone else tries to pressure you. Link to comment
BalloonShop Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Your friend is messed up.. Don't do it, im 14 and the farthest anyone goes here is the "nervous game." I was the same way a couple months ago, where all I wanted to do was have sex with some girl, other than that I had no interest in her at all. btw, where do you live? Link to comment
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