SHould I buy my ex's daughter a gift for her Birthday

[indian]

I am in a dilemma, where as to buy my ex's 12 year old daughter a gift for her birthday, We broke up after a 5 year relationship and since then I have been giving her online gift card.

Since the gift card will be sent online, I won't have to contact her or anything...

Also I am open to reconciliation, so I am hoping this would help

Any suggestions?

[Lonewing]

Don't use children.

Don't use children.

Don't use children.

[In the Dark]

Don't use children.

Don't use children.

Don't use children.

 

+1

I'm sorry OP but leave the child out of it.

[Sunflour]

If you send her a birthday gift, do it because you care about her and you were an important person in her life for 5 years. Don't do it because you want to get back together with her dad.

 

Don't do it at all if you are not sincere in wanting to retain a connection with her even if it's over with her dad.

[Lonewing]

I wouldn't do it period.

 

You're no longer a part of that child's life. You're done.

[renaissancewoman101]

You guys are being a bit harsh on the OP.

 

And it seems from what she writes, even after the breakup, she has still been giving gift cards to the daughter. So I don't see anything wrong in what she is doing.

[Lonewing]

I apologize for the harshness.

 

However, I've been a child in a divorced situation. And the children ave jsut as much to lose when the relationship fails as the adults do.

 

As an adult now myself, when I date someone with kids, I consider that I am not just dating their mom but I am dating all of them at once. Which means I have to be a man not just to her but to those kids too. Now if mom wants that relationship to end, that is her word and there is no circumventing her rule in her realm over her subjects. Without the head of state present inmy life, I should not be present in her children's life - its rude. Ultimately, they are not my children.

 

By holding on to those children once the relationship has gone south, you are just adding more hurt to what is already a bad situation - you have to let it go for everybody to move on. Just my experience.

 

The op is, in my mind, clinging to the relationship by maintaining a relatioship with the child - thus continuing a relationship with the child in hopes that dad will have her back. Hence, I'm harsh. It's not Right to ever use a Child in Love or War. Their feelings are just as easily hurt as adults, and in this case, it isn't nice to hold a kid's hopes up that maybe, just maybe dad will take the cool lady back.

[thistime]

If you send her a birthday gift, do it because you care about her and you were an important person in her life for 5 years. Don't do it because you want to get back together with her dad.

 

Don't do it at all if you are not sincere in wanting to retain a connection with her even if it's over with her dad.

 

My feelings exactly...

How long have you been broken up? is it fairly recent as the child would be disappointed as to NOT receive a gift from you?

I think the gesture...if genuine!...is nice. But do it b/c you love the child, not in order to reconnect with your ex...

[nazdaq30]

My ex and I only dated 5months. But she was around alot and spent alot of time around my daughter. She left me to go back with her ex. At the time of the breakup I told her my daughter talks about her alot. Well 2months later she is emailing my daughter.

I took that as she is interested in me again. Well we emailed a little nothing personal. then I sent her a letter asking if she would consider trying again? She emailed me back saying move on I'm not interested in reconnecting in person.

Then the same day she writes my daughter asking how she is doing and how school is. I mean right after she tells me to move on.

What should I do?

[Greedy Toad]

My ex and I only dated 5months. But she was around alot and spent alot of time around my daughter. She left me to go back with her ex. At the time of the breakup I told her my daughter talks about her alot. Well 2months later she is emailing my daughter.

I took that as she is interested in me again. Well we emailed a little nothing personal. then I sent her a letter asking if she would consider trying again? She emailed me back saying move on I'm not interested in reconnecting in person.

Then the same day she writes my daughter asking how she is doing and how school is. I mean right after she tells me to move on.

What should I do?

 

She is the one that needs to move on. The posts above ring true, when you split with one you split with all.

 

How old is your daughter?

 

If she is young, I would send your ex an email asking her not to contact your daughter anymore. This is your right as her parent.

[Thornbirds18]

You really think so? I think that even if my relationship fails, I still value the friendship with my ex's daughter. I'm not very close to her but I sent occasional messages or respond to her Facebook posts. I don't feel like it's a big deal. Why do you think that friendship will hurt the children? They'll be shocked if they suddenly lose you, even as a friend. My opinion though.

[Thornbirds18]

If you send her a birthday gift, do it because you care about her and you were an important person in her life for 5 years. Don't do it because you want to get back together with her dad.

 

Don't do it at all if you are not sincere in wanting to retain a connection with her even if it's over with her dad.

 

I agree with this. I connect with my ex's daughter not because I want to use her to get back with my ex. I just like his daughter and believe that one more friend in life doesn't hurt her. If I suddenly withdraw from her life I feel very rude.

[Aalina]

It is never easy to choose one gift since there are a lot of choices that you have. One thing that you need to consider is her personality.