I dont know what to do!

[mskc0511]

I have written about this before...but now...I am at the end of my rope.

 

I started dating my boyfriend about 8 and 1/2 years ago in high school. We both have completed college, and I am halfway done with law school. He has a great job, and I am on my way to a promising career.

 

Last November he told me that he was not ready to get engaged, depiste what he told me years before. He told me that once he got a good job and finished school he would be ready for that. That was a lie. It pretty much broke my heart.

 

I tried to push it aside and be understanding a patient. He said that he felt better about it and would do it soon. We went to Hawaii and May, and I was hoping that he would do it there. He didnt.

 

I resent him, I have put so much time into our relationship and he is just not ready. I dont know if I should wait,

 

I know people would say that if he is the one that I should wait. We have been living together for the past 4 years so it is like we are married anyway.

 

The main problem I have, is that I cant look him without thinking that he does not want me the way I want him. I ask myself what is wrong with me. I hear about other people getting engaged much sooner and under worse circumstances than us.

 

He says he has to propose on his own time when he feels the time is right. I respect that because marriage is something that should not be forced. I just dont know if I can be around him without looking at him and then feeling less worth and sad. It is affecting the rest of our relationship.

 

Do I stay or do I go. What is the best thing to do for our relationship?

THANKS!

[savignon]

A lot of people get engaged when they're broke and starting careers....I wouldn't like that reasoning either.

The thing I can say is this.....my husband and I got engaged in six months or so of meeting and we moved in together and are now married. The love and the commitment level feel no different than before. Living together was probably the "big adjustment" but I didn't feel more special or important by becomming engaged. For that reason, I would hesistate to leave an otherwise great relationship.

If you think that he's just putting it off and isn't going to propose in the future, then you have to consider your gut feeling and decide how important it will be to you to be engaged/married in the near future.

I'm sure it's very hurtful to have such a great thing going and wonder what's holding him back. Maybe with some more talking, he'll be able to offer something more meaningful than that he's busy with work or school or whatever.

Best wishes.

[birkus]

Yeah, I know that kind of thing is tough. I always want to know what's gonna happen in the future, but the fact of the matter is we just don't know. And it sounds like your boyfriend is having some issues with himself, not wanting to commit or something. He can't predict how he'll feel in the future any more than you can. And it's something we all have to live with and come to grips with the best that we can. And I mean he, Gene Simmons is happily unmarried! It sounds like you've talked to him about it, but that you don't fully understand his reasons for not having proposed yet. Maybe you should try talking to him with this understanding as your goal. Communication is so key.

 

Anyway best of luck.