betty789 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I broke up with my bf ab 4 months ago. We were together 4 1/2 years and it was more like we were best friends than a couple. I have a new bf and I am very happy with him and myself with him. My ex and I have not had contact because of the messy break up (he didnt want it) but he has been in contact with my family. He is doing a lot better now and I am very happy for him, he is making progress in his life and making an actual effort to pursue his (what use to be our) dreams. I wish nothing but the absolute best for him but still cannot talk to him out of fear it would just set him back, he has said he still loves me. Sometimes, when I am alone or recently when I saw the movie 500 Days of Summer, I feel terribly guilty and miss him. If we had not broken up he would not have been pushed to do any of the wonderful things he is doing. But I can't help but cry and miss him so much sometimes. He was my best friend and I feel like I have just lost something. I know I deserve to feel this way bc he felt much worse than this after the breakup but does this happen to everyone? How do you make it stop? I know it is not regret bc I know this was the best thing for both of us.. so what is it? Link to comment
waveseer Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 It is grief, you have experienced losing someone who was once important to you. Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 It could be love...... Link to comment
faithful14 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Do you think it might just be guilt because you have moved on to be happy with someone else and he's not there yet? Link to comment
dundermiflin Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Same here- I felt so sad for my ex, and I even ruined my next relationship because of it. I have so much guilt, and my psychologist said I had "codependency issues" because I felt responsible for his feelings and happiness. I cried a lot, missed him, and still feel sad after a year and a half. He has some really good qualities but I know I don't want to be with him romantically. He is forcing a friendship even though I told him I didn't want to do that and it was a bad idea. I know I should stand up for myself but I feel horrible taking that away from him too. I will probably have to be cold. I think you are doing the right thing, and hopefully your ex (and mine) will find somebody to be happy with so we can feel better. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I think it may be a combination of grief and guilt. When you have been close to someone for that length of time it is normal to worry about them and it is going to make you feel worse if you know they feel bad. Even though my ex-husband left me for another woman, I still felt guilty when he made noises about regretting what he had done and how sad he was at what he had lost. When he first left me I wanted nothing more than for it to end this way and for me to be able to hurt him in the way he had hurt me but by the time it had happened I had moved on and I felt really sad and guilty that I didn't want him back. Why, I just don't know. Confusing tho they are, these feelings are all perfectly natural and show what a caring person you are. Enjoy your new relationship happy in the knowledge that your ex is pursuing his dreams and will one day be happy again. Link to comment
AlwayzRight Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 4 years is a long time...do you think you may still love him? Why did you break up with him? Link to comment
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