He acted really friendly/flirty before and now he hates me :S Whats going on?!?

[artofdrowning]

This man at work has been very friendly/flirty with me, (he is 10 years older than me) calling me gorgeous, squeezing my shoulder and my hand, touching my arm when he speaks, he gave me a kiss on the cheek once, so all quite positive signs, I also find him attractive.

Anyway we often joke or have a non-serious argument and most of the time we both take it in good humour.

However today I was feeling down because of certain family issues, anyway he greeted me and was being very friendly and happy as usual. Today he also asked me if I was romantically involved with this other man i work with, i told him no and that we were just friends.

At one point in the morning however we had a bit of an argument though I was only trying to joke with him, he told me I needed to stop moaning and that he was only joking, I said I don't find the jokes funny, but in a playful way. Then he started arguing all seriously and because I mentioned id been depressed he went on about how he used to be on anti-depressents and knows about it, I was trying to tell him he didnt understand the point I was making and he carried on arguing anyway, then he said to me "You're one of those "GIRLS", with your head stuck up your own * * * * , don't talk to me anymore unless its work related ok?" I was really shocked and upset, and all through the day he did avoid me and not speak unless it was work related. He was chatting to other people fine!

It really upset me because I really liked him, I also feel very self-conscious and I put myself down a lot so hardly stuck up! I think he got the wrong impression of me! But how can someone go so fast from being so friendly to hating me?

[ghost69]

you told him he doesn't understand and kept arguing but in a 'playful' way. sometimes what we think is playful isn't to others.

 

sounded to me like he was trying to sympathize and you blew that off. not really nice even in a joking way.

[Sunflour]

This man at work has been very friendly/flirty with me, (he is 10 years older than me) calling me gorgeous, squeezing my shoulder and my hand, touching my arm when he speaks, he gave me a kiss on the cheek once, so all quite positive signs, I also find him attractive.

 

Positive signs? At a bar, maybe, but this is incredibly inappropriate behavior for the workplace. If he was interested in you romantically, he should have asked you out and explored a relationship outside of work.

[DN]

It takes two people to argue.

[artofdrowning]

Positive signs? At a bar, maybe, but this is incredibly inappropriate behavior for the workplace. If he was interested in you romantically, he should have asked you out and explored a relationship outside of work.

 

well I still did not know if he was attracted to me, I just thought he could be being friendly, but in any case it's still a shame he won't be friendly to me even now.

p.s I hadn't even considered his behaviour to be inappropriate before

[DN]

Why is it that flirtatious behaviour only becomes a bad thing when feelings change?

[artofdrowning]

thanks for the replies, this isn't actually the first time he has almost turned joking into a real argument, however I never seen him act like that to other people at my work he always is friendly and jokey to them, when he was stressed from being busy one day he seemed to take it out on me more than anyone else I can't make out if he is just nuts or never really liked me at all lol XD

I asked him why he suddenly hated me and he told me !" I don't hate you I just can't be bothered, work is work it doesn't mean we have to be friends" now I get into tiffs like everyone else at work on occasions but most of the time were laughing and talking again an hour later, dunno why this guy takes it so seriously.

He also had told me quite a lot about his past and life and didn't seem to be happy for me to repeat it to other people. He told me when he barely knew me.

I think maybe I'll just avoid him for a while unless anyone hear has any other ideas?

[artofdrowning]

Why is it that flirtatious behaviour only becomes a bad thing when feelings change?

 

sorry I meant I hadnt considered his behaviour to be inappropriate in general till that poster just suggested it .

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

Honestly it can happen. It sounds like he has made a lot of advances. You never said you did anything to show interest back. Letting a guy pay you compliments and never giving him any in return is never good if you like him. If he was starting to really like you he probably wanted some sign from you that you were interested back. Did you give him any?

 

If not you left him to wonder how you felt about him. After a while he may feel cheap and stupid for making such obvious advances and you just letting him with no real sign of acceptance but no real sign of rejection either. It's like you enjoy the attention but you don't think enough of him to want more. But he is probably crazy about you and wondering if you feel anything back for him.

 

Then you show the classic signs of crying out for more attention by whining to him about your problems so he will console you. He starts to feel more like your kleenex than a guy you care about. I'm not saying it's wrong to talk to him about stuff. But if that's all you ever do so he will show you affection and be sweet to you and then you leave it there then he probably feels used. At some point you have to be there for him too and start showing some obvious signs of interest back. We can't read your mind and many of us aren't going to ask for a date if we aren't getting some obvious signals back.

 

He asked you about another guy which means he must sense that you have interest in other guys and not so much in him. That means that you have not clearly shown him that you are interested in the same way he showed you that he was or he would not have needed to ask that question. I mean you can point to such obvious signs that he finds you attractive. Can he point to any that you've shown that are just as obvious?

 

I'm just saying all this because I know how he probably feels. It's nuts when a girl lets you pay all the attention to her but honestly never gives you any real attention back. You tell her she's pretty but she never says anything to indicate she finds you attractive. Then you see her flirting around with other guys and wonder if you even matter to her at all even though she is all you can think about.

 

After a while you may diminish contact and pull away because you figure she does not feel the same way. I guess he just had an emotional outburst of frustration that has been building for a while as he sits there pouring his energy into you and feeling like he's getting nothing back. He finally broke up with the idea of you because he began to feel the feelings only go one way. Just a guess.

[artofdrowning]

Thanks for the advice, do you think it's too late too change his mind , I'd at least like to be his friend again

[DN]

Do you want just friendship - or more?

[artofdrowning]

Do you want just friendship - or more?

 

well I'd rather be more than friends, but I certainly would rather at least be just friends than him hate me or be indiffirent.

only reason I didn't hint I liked him back is because I don't think much about myself and always assume im going to get rejected, even though he called me gorgeous I somehow dont know how to react because I cant understand how he sees that lol, anyway I felt I was very friendly and jokey I thought I was giving him a good impression that I liked him .

[DN]

Then you should tell him that you are sorry there seems to have been a miscommunication, that you value his companionship and suggest getting together after work for a coffee/or drink so you can talk properly without misunderstanding.

 

I assume he is unattached?

[artofdrowning]

Then you should tell him that you are sorry there seems to have been a miscommunication, that you value his companionship and suggest getting together after work for a coffee/or drink so you can talk properly without misunderstanding.

 

I assume he is unattached?

 

yer he told this lady i work with he was looking for a gf (she enquired on my behalf)

[Gratsy]

I agree with DN. But, he might just have gotten really mad at arguing with you. Arguing is an unpleasant thing but sometimes it happens and sometimes the person doesn't want to be around you anymore because of it. You have to be yourself, and you don't want to constantly walk on eggshells so don't worry about it or take it personal.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

I agree with DN and Gratsy. From personal experience I would say his reaction sounds like he likes you and feels like he has been slamming up against a brick wall trying to read you. Trust me that is one of the most frustrating things in the world for me personally.

 

I hate trying to figure out if a girl likes me. It’s even worse if I am intentionally paying her compliments and doing stuff to get her attention and to get a reaction out of her and she just leaves me guessing. She doesn’t do or say something that makes it clear she doesn’t like me. But she doesn’t do anything that makes it clear that she thinks the same way about me as I do her either.

 

Yet she sits and smiles when I compliment her and maybe flirts a little bit playfully but nothing serious. You always wonder if she just likes the attention and is using you for that or if she really likes you and would like to take things further. It would be nice if girls would pay guys they like more compliments, especially if he is giving them plenty. That would help. Something specific and indicating attraction not something vague like “you’re really smart” or “you’re really sweet”.

 

If you really like her then it gets frustrating waiting for the ball to drop so you know how she feels. Some girls will hang out with you but still not give off a definite sign of how they feel. Is it just friendship or something more.

 

The truth is some guys will just go for it and put you in the position to have to reject them or let them be with you. Other guys like me will tend to start backing off if we fail to get a positive enough reaction that makes it clear that you like us. Then some girls will wonder why the guy seems to have suddenly lost interest. It’s because he got tired of waiting for a positive reaction from you and is starting to feel stupid chasing you and getting nowhere.

 

Sometimes you will get so frustrated that you lash out the way this guy did with you. It’s hard to keep being nice and friendly to someone you really like and feel like they’ve been kind of toying with you. Sometimes you just reach a breaking point and any little thing will cause you to do something like he did just to end the connection you have with the person and because you are frustrated. Severing all ties makes it easier to just get over it and move on.

 

If you really are interested in the guy then maybe follow DN’s advice. If he agrees with you then maybe start paying more attention to him and make it pretty clear what your intentions are and how you feel. That’s all you can do. If he really likes you and hasn’t passed the point of no return then he’ll go for it.