Crazy situation; hope somebody can shed some light.

[PatienceShadow]

Hello, all! I've got one hell of a situation on my hands. I'm not even sure if this is the appropriate forum in which to post it, but since this guy is cripplingly shy and socially awkward, I figured I may as well post it here.

 

So, I worked with this guy for a few months. Shy in the extreme, he even admitted to it, but somehow, we struck up a little friendship type thing at work. He very obviously liked me; it was written in everything he did, and he even admitted to it. He didn't admit it to me personally, but it was still obvious to me and everyone else.

 

I knew that he might be moving a few states away (and was told that he seemed really sad about it not working with me), but I wasn't sure exactly when until one night when I went into work and found that he had left. I was completely gutted, but eventually found a way to him (talked his number out of somebody who had access to it).

 

I call him up one day and, sure enough, he's a few states away. We stay on the phone for a minute at the most. I tell him that I want to stay in touch and he asks if we can just text because of roaming charges. I made sure that calling him up didn't creep him out (he said no, he was just surprised).

 

After hanging up, I ask him why he moved. A little bit later, I get a text back saying that his fiance is there. I was speechless for a little while, but finally text back saying something along the lines of I kind of thought that you might have liked me a bit, isn't that funny? and told him that I still wanted to keep in touch because he was cool and my mix-up would be hilarious someday and was already quite funny.

 

Haven't heard crap since (or said crap since) and I'm not sure what do do from here.

 

For one thing, I'm not even sure if this fiance exists. He's fresh out of high school and seemed a little dependent on his family. Couple that with how socially retarded (sorry if that offends anyone, but I really can't think of a better way to describe just how shy and awkward he is) he is, and I'm thinking that HAS to be a line of bull to get me off his back. If he does happen to have a fiance who lived states away, then I'm pretty sure it was some internet chick, but most likely, he had to move with his family and that's just a line of bull. I mean, how do you go from really liking me, possibly moving, and seeming really sad about it not working to suddenly being there with a fiance?

 

Most people think that the line of bull theory is the case, but others think that as crazy as the whole "fiance living states away" thing sounds, he really didn't seem the type to lie about that sort of thing. Some think that he really did have a fiance and that maybe he was just torn for a while. There was a little age difference (he's 18 and over the brief time we knew one another, I went from 21 to 22), and many commented on a difference in levels of physical attractiveness, with the advantage being mine (I didn't agree, though. I thought he was just gorgeous!). Every guy and girl I know all said that if they were him, they would feel very lucky if I were interested. So, perhaps he did have a fiance, but couldn't help being attracted to me? (That's not meant to sound nearly as arrogant as it probably did, haha!) I mean, if there is a fiance, he probably met her online, which has lead many people to say that she's probably ugly and lame (their terminology, not mine!). If it was that easy for him to get into someone else, though, I'd say that relationship is pretty well doomed. One thing that both the "line of bull" crowd and the "I think he really has one" crowd both agree upon, though, is him liking me. No one doubts at all that he did like me.

 

A really good male friend of mine said that he probably liked me and still does, but that most guys wouldn't be able to stay in touch with a girl they really liked when they used to live somewhere else. He said that he's willing to bet that there is no fiance and that he had to move with his family and that, as painful as it is for me to think about, he probably wants to forget me and spare himself the pain. My reply of "But we can still be friends!" was met with, "Guys don't think like that. That's one way in which guys and girls differ."

 

So now I have no idea what to do. The current plan is waiting until a month has passed and if I still want to see how he's doing, send him a text. Should I even do that, though? Most people agree that I should give it one last shot, but some say that if I do and never hear anything, it'll only be that much more hurt for me. Some say that I should wait for him to talk to me, but that will NEVER happen; he's socially retarded in the extreme! Plus I'm well aware that I probably scared the crap out of him with the "I thought you liked me" bit (even though it WAS kind of obvious, and he DID say that he did). Others say to just write him off now because, whether or not he actually has a fiance, he obviously doesn't care that much about me, so why waste my time caring about him?

 

I don't know, though. I really liked him. I never like anyone at all, but I liked him. It wasn't such a shallow like that I only wanted to have him, also. He was a really nice guy. Seemed like it, anyway. I really don't think he was faking being nice and liking me, though.

 

I don't even know. What's YOUR take on it? Fiance or no? Should I give staying in touch one last shot later on, or just give up now?

[savignon]

I don't know why your friend would have any inclination to think he's into you. He never asked you out, never even told you he was moving, was surprised when you called, didn't want to stay on the phone and hasn't been in touch since AND told you he's ENGAGED.

Talk about not taking a hint!!

And you think he's "socially retarded to the extreme" rather than believing he has a fiance? I think you're letting yourself believe what you'd rather believe.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but your friend is not giving it to you straight.

[PatienceShadow]

He did say that he might be moving; how else would I have known?

 

I suppose I didn't go into enough detail. He definitely flirted with me and behaved toward me in manners that are unacceptable to behave toward somebody if you've already got someone (especially a fiance). I didn't think I would have to divulge specific details to illustrate the general idea.

 

I'm not choosing to believe that he has social problems to make myself feel better, either. He said as much himself and I could tell that it was a really hard thing for him to share. Not to mention the fact that he also said that he liked me and it was completely obvious in the way he treated me. He never even talked to anyone else there at all, but he talked to me and did things for me and was very attentive. Whenever he wasn't near me, he stared all the time and even went out of his way to do so.

 

He liked me, okay. Maybe he got over it, I don't know, but he definitely liked me, whether or not it was something he should have done, and it's not just one person who thinks he liked me, either. Everyone thought so because it was pretty obvious and he even admitted it.

 

Plus what the hell kind of 18 year old right out of high school has a fiance that lives states and states away?

[catfeeder]

Sounds like he might be too down about the move so far away to stay in touch with someone he wishes he could be near. Most people who are down don't think of themselves as the best conversationalists. My heart goes out to you. Maybe in time you'll hear from him.