How not to pass down the depression gene???

[doityourself]

I know that depression is a disease. I lived with depression/bipolar since I was 13. The question is how do I not give this to my children.

 

I have 2 boys 10 and 4. My 10 year old is now starting to turn into a little man and Im starting to notice his own little personality. The problem is that I notice him being quiet and withdrawn. Hes out for the summer but last school year was really hard on us and on him. He has no interest in school work or anything regarding learning. His grades were down and we struggled every night with teaching homework. He does have tons of friends and hangs out with them all the time. Im scared because of all the signs that Ive been seeing, examples: he wants to drop out of football, he just sits around playing video games or on the computer. The biggest of all is that I never see him laugh.

 

Now my 4 year old is very active, balls to the walls kinda kid. He goes non stop all day long, which takes up alot of my time and energy.

 

We are not the perfect parents by far, my husband is a yeller and I withdraw myself if I get to anxious. We do spend tons of time with the kids, playing at the park, playing board games, movie night it just seems like its never enough. I get this guilty feeling like Im not doing enough.

 

Im scared to death that Im going to miss something. Like I should be doing something but Im not. Any suggestions?

 

How do you deal with depression and not letting it bowl over into parenthood?

[Cognitive_Canine]

If you think your son is depressed, you should talk to him about it right away.

 

Tell him that you suffered from depression at his age and that he ever feels down, he should come to you or your wife.

 

That a lot of people feel this way and that it can be both genetic and situational and that it IS something he can manage.

[doityourself]

I've asked him a million times if anything is wrong, if there is anything he wants to talk about. He always says no.

 

I do talk to him about feeling depressed but I dont know if hes ready for my childhood talk yet. How much can a 10 year old really understand about drug abuse, mental abuse, being molested the whole hell of a nightmare that i went through. You dont think its to early for that. I dont want him to be scared of life.

[XxJustMexX]

I too am bipolar and have had major issues when having depressive episodes... And to top it off, I also have ADHD. So basically, in a depressive episode, my days consist of being withdrawn and yelling a lot and being agitated at every little thing.... while not being able to concentrate or focus on a damn thing. Sounds fun doesn't it...

 

I too feel bad for those days when that happens for my children as I also have two, a 9 and 6 year old. My best advice would be to get on medication. I have no other good advice to give as that's the only way I've been able to deal with my issues. I was on meds about 4 years ago and they helped tremendously but I had to stop due to financial reasons (my meds were costing about $100 a month...) but just recently got back on them about 2 weeks ago. I do feel a lot better. My manic episodes are almost all gone, and my depression is managed now. I don't feel like yelling at every little thing anymore and my mood is more stable... I feel it's the beginning of a better time with my kids...

 

Are you on any meds?

[Cognitive_Canine]

I've asked him a million times if anything is wrong, if there is anything he wants to talk about. He always says no.

 

I do talk to him about feeling depressed but I dont know if hes ready for my childhood talk yet. How much can a 10 year old really understand about drug abuse, mental abuse, being molested the whole hell of a nightmare that i went through. You dont think its to early for that. I dont want him to be scared of life.

 

I don't think you should ask him.

 

I think you should tell him that if he has any problems, to come to you.

 

If you are open with your son and present issues in a non threatening manner, he'll come to you.

[doityourself]

Ive tried meds off and on for years, they only put me on depression meds because Im scared of the bipolar meds. I have been self medicating (pot) since I was a teenager.

 

You described my moods to a tee, but the only other thing I can say is when I get like that, at the bottom, I dont want anyone around me so instead of screaming im shutting down. Its hard feeling like that because I still have to go throught with the everday tasks. I try not to let my kids see it but how can they not.

 

How do you like your meds? What have your side affects been like? How is your sex life on them? (sorry to get personal)

 

Ive always told my boys to come to me with anything they need to talk about. Im very open with my boys about how the real world is.

[avman]

Definitely talk to your children about this and see how they are feeling. We have the same issue in our family and two of my three children suffer from depression. It was noticeable enough in school where their teachers brought it to our attention so we pursued medical treatment for them. They both see counselors and take a low dose of anti-depressant medication. And it's made a world of difference. They haven't had to suffer through years of feeling terrible before realizing that they had clinical depression.

[Ivory_Tower]

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, I'm sorry if this is upsetting. My mother and her family had these issues (bipolar and depression). My dad had none of them.

 

I have bipolar disorder.

[doityourself]

I guess I was hoping not to pass on anything like this to my children. I guess this is another episode of the disease and that in itself is depressing. Thanks for all the advice and comments.

[sidehop]

Unfortunately genetics cannot be altered but you can be aware and do your best to make changes. It pretty much applies to anything in our body that we carried down and will carry to our children. I'm very sorry you're going through this.

[waveseer]

My job as a parent is to teach my children how to cope with life and pursue happiness. Preventative measures including diet, rest, exercise, socializing and having hobbies are great. Additionally when these are insufficient to ward off the depression cloud it's my responsibility to teach them how to ask for help, where to go to get it, and how to evaluate if it's working.

[XxJustMexX]

Ya, I believe I was finally diagnosed when I was older because when I was younger I'd self medicated with lots of drugs... Now that I've been clean for about 8+ years off anything (including pot) is when I can DEFINITELY tell I have issues.

 

I've only been on meds for about 3 weeks so I haven't been able to fully test how great they're working but... The meds I'm taking now are great, no side effects at all. But I think that's because I was started on low dosase. I tried Abilify for my BP first, and that gave me major insomnia for a few days but it went away but I ended up having my doc switch me to Seroquel instead and that's doing good so far. For my depression I'm on Fluoxetine (generic for Prozac) and so far, I'm feeling a tiny difference. I used to take Fluoxetine when I was first diagnosed 4 years ago and it did wonders (they were my happy pill) but so far right now it hasn't kicked in yet.

 

The side effects I did experience in the past with some meds were drowsiness and nausea. A couple gave me insomnia but they eventually went away (like the Abilify did).

 

Meds might take a while to find the right ones for you. I hope you can stick to it. I promised myself I'd stick to it this time as I'm honestly done with my mood swings... it's taking a toll on me. This is my second round of finding meds that work for me so I'm definitely going to stick to my guns on it this time. Oh, and as for the sex, sorry, but I haven't been on it long enough to find out. So far, no change... lol. (Still a sex maniac lol)