ilook2u Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 Here's the background...been with my boyfriend 3 1/2 years. He has a child with another woman, she's 7. Had a rough start with trust issues, got past it, had great times, had bad times. Made the committment to buy a house in April - all was well... Early July I went through his text messages (not a normal habit for me - i just did) and found texts between he and the childs mother about how 'their song was on' , she has feelings for him, and she wants to leave her husband. I flipped -asked him to leave the house he did. Days later i made the mistake of drinking and got wasted and had people @ my house that shouldn't have been there. It looked bad - but nothing bad happened - just looked REAL bad. The boyfriend found out - when i was out of the 'pilot's seat' and he was kicking me out - i freaked - begged for him back - said we could work through this. so we have been for about 3 weeks. however, the thought of him and his child's mother having a relationship, even if it is a text relationship behind my back bothers me every day - and he can't let go what 'might' have happened the night i had people @ our house drinking. So now, what might be a bickering argument or nagging, turns into full blown verbal wars because we have so much resentment inside! he won't do counseling, says he just can't get past what 'might' have happened. So here i am with a BIG house by myself...and his little girl who i adore and she adores me stuck in the middle very confused...do i chase after him (like i think he wants) or do i let it go - and maybe see how i'm better off? HELP!! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 So, did he ever own up to what was going on with his ex...or is he conveniently sweeping that under the rug now that he has ammunition against you? I think if this relationship is to work you both might need to see a counsellor and talk openly about what happened. What was his rationale behind those texts about their song being on. Since he did wrong as well then it shouldn't be about one chasing the other..it should be about having a rational discussion on whether or not these trust issues can be overcome and if he indeed is looking to get back together with his ex. Link to comment
ilook2u Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 He said - she was having troubles in her life -and was threatning suicide - so he was being there for her so his kid had a mother. But what does - our song is on - and feelings for him -have to do with that? He says he was wrong to be talking to her like that. I told him if she's threatning hurting herself - get your kid out of the house - but he didnt seem concerned so i think it was a cover up. I could only see the incoming texts - he had deleted the outgoing. However, now - everything is my fault -according to him...i did this. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted August 11, 2009 Share Posted August 11, 2009 It's much easier to blame you, rather than blame himself. If she' threatening suicide, why isn't her husband, or her immediate family helping her? Is your name on the house, along with his? Link to comment
ilook2u Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 Well - it's just my name!! I had a house with my ex-boyfriend of 8 years - and that was an ugly mess w/both names. Learned my lesson - just didn't think all heck would break lose 4 months after moving in! Very embrassing & dissapointing. However, the house is more than i can handle - 1/2 acre of grass & a big house...maybe a roomie - maybe a tenant. Wish he would just talk to me - but he seems to be 'done' as he puts it. I feel hurt also b/c i have taken his daughter in when i didnt have too - and cart her around & take care of her - i feel that is going un-recognized. Hurts. Link to comment
ilook2u Posted August 11, 2009 Author Share Posted August 11, 2009 oh and back to your question about why doesnt her husband or family help - she claims - she has no one to talk to at all... she hates the husband - and he hates her - they just got married just over a year ago and have two kids (so yes she has 3) what a mess. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 You know, you have more solid evidence of his "relationship", innocent or not - leaning towards not based on HIS very quick accusations towards your one night party to switch topics off of him and onto you - and you have the house under your name. He sounds like an immature man who was caught having this line of very close communication with an ex. Doesn't sound like he respects you at all. You know what to do. Break up with him, sell the house, and find someone who will respect you enough not to try to defend himself against "helping" his ex. He shouldn't even be talking to her, she has a husband. Link to comment
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