I need a second opinion or reality check

[mmike]

Okay, here is the setup. A girl I had gone out with several time and had made out with on two of those occasions asked me to meet her at her work because she has a lot of down time - she said we could chat for a little while. I said okay. We had re-confirmed out meeting 3 days before the date and she said she was looking forward to seeing me then.

 

Well, I show up at the spot she was going to meet me at her workplace ..it was a lounge area so it was comfortable and I waited for about an hour. I left my phone in my car which was parked about 20 min walking away and did not have her number on me and I probably should have called but decided to wait another 1/2 hour I was actually enjoying the down time after my work and caught some TV while waiting. Anyway, she never showed up and I went back to my car and called her..she answered saying she was sorry and was just twittling her thumbs that I should have called! I said she owed me one and made plans to meet in a few days. A few minutes later, realizing she was getting off of work in 10 minutes, I called her back 2 times (she had shut her phone off for her bike ride home) and left a message asking how about meeting briefly after she got off of work.

 

Because we actually had planned to meet that day and there was just a glitch in the plans (she forgot and I did not call) I thought I might surprise her as she left her work. It was a long shot but I just drove by the exit on my way home and actually saw her riding up the street....I pulled up along side her and said hello...she looked startled (totally unexpected) ..I yelled do you have a few minutes..I will look for parking up ahead - she nodded.

 

Well, I could not find ANY parking and by the time I could she was home and called me saying she was home and to forget it. Later, she emailed me saying me seeing her kind of freaked her out...this was a complete surprise to me because we had planned to see one another that day..I thought suprising her like that would have been a nice thing. Now she is a bit more distant.

 

I did mentally cross check if it would have been "stalking" before I did it but since we had agreed to meet, I had driven all the way there, was there already, and she appeared to be sorry I thought it would have been a natural thing to do to say hi.

 

Was I wrong to do this? be candid.

[simply complicated]

It sucks that she stiffed you, of course, you definitely shoulda had a better plan, leaving your phone in the car didn't help you, and waiting all that time without a call anyway, was just ignorant on her part. Kinda shows you how interested she really is.

 

Besides that, you definitely over stepped your boundaries, that kinda surprise should be saved for when your much, much closer, a couple of dates and a lil make out session hardly qualifies as being close, it almost seems desperate.

 

I honestly don't blame her for being a little freaked out, in fact, I would give up on this one if I were you.

[mmike]

I would have to agree..thanks for the feedback.

[mmike]

It sucks that she stiffed you, of course, you definitely shoulda had a better plan, leaving your phone in the car didn't help you, and waiting all that time without a call anyway, was just ignorant on her part. Kinda shows you how interested she really is.

 

Besides that, you definitely over stepped your boundaries, that kinda surprise should be saved for when your much, much closer, a couple of dates and a lil make out session hardly qualifies as being close, it almost seems desperate.

 

I honestly don't blame her for being a little freaked out, in fact, I would give up on this one if I were you.

 

She still communicates with me and we tentatively plant thngs to do.

 

Is the right strategy to be 1) open admitting to overstepping my bounds, 2) proactive and finalize it with her creating a shock effect or 3) just be distant until she contacts me?

[simply complicated]

She still communicates with me and we tentatively plant thngs to do.

 

Is the right strategy to be 1) open admitting to overstepping my bounds, 2) proactive and finalize it with her creating a shock effect or 3) just be distant until she contacts me?

 

 

It's definitely a better idea to leave the ball in her court, let her make the moves, if she wants you, then she'll come and get it.

 

Thats generally how most dating games start out, it is a bit tentative, so you just have to feel eachother out until you slowly begin to open up to eachother a little more, and take it from there, going back to the lil surprise you gave her, it was a nice thing, but just way to soon.

 

I'm at that tentative point with this girl i'm starting to see, I make my intentions known, we've gone out a couple of times, and now I leave it up to her, if she calls and wants to continue, then great, but if not, then it's on to the next one.

[mmike]

It sucks that she stiffed you, of course, you definitely shoulda had a better plan, leaving your phone in the car didn't help you, and waiting all that time without a call anyway, was just ignorant on her part. Kinda shows you how interested she really is.

 

Besides that, you definitely over stepped your boundaries, that kinda surprise should be saved for when your much, much closer, a couple of dates and a lil make out session hardly qualifies as being close, it almost seems desperate.

 

I honestly don't blame her for being a little freaked out, in fact, I would give up on this one if I were you.

 

I don't ask her private or probing questions ..like why she is more distant and only call her once per week and send an email once or twice per week, though we both are on chat often as I chat with other people (so we see we are both on) but I don't contact her (and she does not contact me) so in other respects I am not clingy.

 

I really don't care if she is seeing other guys all I was being was practical that day because I drove all the way down to see her, we had mutually agreed and she was especially excited to invite me because she liked it when I visited before (see below), and it was a long shot that I would have seen her leave work anyway while driving home and since I did I said Hi ..I am an open person..why should I hide myself? She knew I was parked nearby and was there when she was getting off of work.

 

Also, I had visited her at her work (by her invitation) the previous week where I walked around with her while she did some job tasks outside.

[mmike]

It's definitely a better idea to leave the ball in her court, let her make the moves, if she wants you, then she'll come and get it.

 

Thats generally how most dating games start out, it is a bit tentative, so you just have to feel eachother out until you slowly begin to open up to eachother a little more, and take it from there, going back to the lil surprise you gave her, it was a nice thing, but just way to soon.

 

I'm at that tentative point with this girl i'm starting to see, I make my intentions known, we've gone out a couple of times, and now I leave it up to her, if she calls and wants to continue, then great, but if not, then it's on to the next one.

 

Nice and simple the way you have stated it...that is a good plan. So you would not even bring any verbal closure to it? Just be "silent"? WHat advise do you have about internet messenger....we can both see if we are online and if I go invisible she could use something to check if I am invisible leading to an assumption that I am stalking or something so as a rule always show that I am available...Just pretend that she is not online?...but it is so easy just to type hi...lol!

[Day_Walker]

I am reserving judgment if you actually over stepped your boundaries or not but I dont think that is the issue here.

 

I dont respond positively to being stiffed so if it was me, I wouldnt make myself available to her. I would just leave things on friendly terms and just move on.

[simply complicated]

if you were there at her work already, and she was leaving in ten minutes, don't you think if she really wanted to see you, she would of came down and met you, not like she was going out of her way, it almost seems like she was fleeing the scene...of an accident..lol..

And even worse, when you caught up to her, she couldn't even wait for you, or even invite you in her house, she just closed the door behind her, texted you saying forget it go back....lol....thats a Huge sign that shes not interested.

 

The first red flag would've been when she stiffed you while you waited for over an hour, and then she couldn't even come down to meet you after work, the last thing you or any guy should do, is try to surprise them after an insult like that.

[simply complicated]

Nice and simple the way you have stated it...that is a good plan. So you would not even bring any verbal closure to it? Just be "silent"? WHat advise do you have about internet messenger....we can both see if we are online and if I go invisible she could use something to check if I am invisible leading to an assumption that I am stalking or something so as a rule always show that I am available...Just pretend that she is not online?...but it is so easy just to type hi...lol!

 

 

Type hi? you shouldn't type anything anything other than delete...LOL...nobody needs a stiff in their life, you seem like your a genuine person looking to do the right thing for any woman, she doesn't seem to appreciate that, so really, you should find someone is more inviting to your approach on relationships.

[mmike]

It's definitely a better idea to leave the ball in her court, let her make the moves, if she wants you, then she'll come and get it.

 

Thats generally how most dating games start out, it is a bit tentative, so you just have to feel eachother out until you slowly begin to open up to eachother a little more, and take it from there, going back to the lil surprise you gave her, it was a nice thing, but just way to soon.

 

I'm at that tentative point with this girl i'm starting to see, I make my intentions known, we've gone out a couple of times, and now I leave it up to her, if she calls and wants to continue, then great, but if not, then it's on to the next one.

 

Well, simply complicated, after our first few dates she emailed me saying very powerfully that she wants to keep seeing me and does not want our contact to end and she looooved her time with me...so I felt really good at just being who I was naturally because it was bringing positive results....and then I was being myself by saying hi after she left work (well actually I did call her 2wice to inform her - but only could leave messages) and it appears to have turned out bad.

[mmike]

Type hi? you shouldn't type anything anything other than delete...LOL...nobody needs a stiff in their life, you seem like your a genuine person looking to do the right thing for any woman, she doesn't seem to appreciate that, so really, you should find someone is more inviting to your approach on relationships.

 

Hi SC, thanks! Well, she could have realistically forgotten..I give her flack about her flaking out sometimes and the times I have, she actually made efforts to be prompt. For example, this Sunday she actually called me to make sure that we were not meeting at her work because she was especially busy..because the day she "forgot" she mentioned meeting again next Sunday. Though, who knows what the real reason was, lol. But she actually called to double check we weren't meeting - I thought that was a nice gesture. Yeah, overall you are right, I know.

[simply complicated]

Well, simply complicated, after our first few dates she emailed me saying very powerfully that she wants to keep seeing me and does not want our contact to end and she looooved her time with me...so I felt really good at just being who I was naturally because it was bringing positive results....and then I was being myself by saying hi after she left work (well actually I did call her 2wice to inform her - but only could leave messages) and it appears to have turned out bad.

 

 

Thats the name of the game dude, there are stages to any relationship, wheather serious or not.

the first few stages stages determine the outcome of the next stage, sometimes it starts out great, (most do) but once you get to a certain stage, you learn more about the person, some of those things may keep that person interested, and some may turn them in the other direction, theres no right way to do anything, only your way, as in being yourself, which is great that you keep doing it, just don't expect every chick to play along.

In fact, it's more likely that you'll get shot down like this several times over before finding the right one for you....ahhhh how I hate the stages of dating...lol...

[mmike]

Type hi? you shouldn't type anything anything other than delete...LOL...nobody needs a stiff in their life, you seem like your a genuine person looking to do the right thing for any woman, she doesn't seem to appreciate that, so really, you should find someone is more inviting to your approach on relationships.

 

Thanks for all of your feedback, it has helped me think more clearly on this situation.

[ghost69]

never forget your phone. especially this early into it. and yes, should have called before. sounds repetitive, but just trying to hammer this in.

[savignon]

I agree with the poster who said she could've said "hey I'm out in 10 minutes...just wait for me" on the date of the original diss.

As for the second one, if you already had plans, I don't know why she'd be freaked to see you close to her home or workplace when she knew you'd be going there to see her. Regardless, since she told you to "forget it" instead of stopping in or meeting you out somewhere, it doesn't seem like she's genuinely interested.

It sounds like she was when she wrote the email about loving to spend time with you. And who knows what changed?

But 2 disses like that spell not interested in my book.

I'd stop contact with her and see if she comes back around. Emailing her or making "tentative" plans for the future is futile for now. See if SHE intiates AND follows through.

[mmike]

I agree with the poster who said she could've said "hey I'm out in 10 minutes...just wait for me" on the date of the original diss.

As for the second one, if you already had plans, I don't know why she'd be freaked to see you close to her home or workplace when she knew you'd be going there to see her. Regardless, since she told you to "forget it" instead of stopping in or meeting you out somewhere, it doesn't seem like she's genuinely interested.

It sounds like she was when she wrote the email about loving to spend time with you. And who knows what changed?

But 2 disses like that spell not interested in my book.

I'd stop contact with her and see if she comes back around. Emailing her or making "tentative" plans for the future is futile for now. See if SHE intiates AND follows through.

 

Savignon, thanks, nice to get a female perspective. I will be distant (at least 5 or 6 days) after inviting her to join me for a fun, light activity last Friday for this week. if I do not hear anything from her I may actually call out her on her flakiness and give her an ultimatum (no matter what the consequence). Even as a friend I deserve cordial treatment. After all, sometimes, I think women find it refreshing if a guy calls them on their bad behavior instead of accepting it. Personally, I don't think a guy would be considered attractive if he bent to every demand or displeasure a woman threw upon him, especially if she was obviously not being fair.

[iLiveWithMyMom]

I agree with sav. Not sure why this girl was freaked out (if she actually was) by you swinging by her work when she knew you were already in the area. Maybe she didn't want you to see her looking all dorky with her bike helmet on? lol. I honestly don't think you did anything wrong there, and I'm BIG on the whole personal space thing. Like sav said, sounds like this girl is a bit of a flake all around.

[mmike]

I agree with the poster who said she could've said "hey I'm out in 10 minutes...just wait for me" on the date of the original diss.

As for the second one, if you already had plans, I don't know why she'd be freaked to see you close to her home or workplace when she knew you'd be going there to see her. Regardless, since she told you to "forget it" instead of stopping in or meeting you out somewhere, it doesn't seem like she's genuinely interested.

It sounds like she was when she wrote the email about loving to spend time with you. And who knows what changed?

But 2 disses like that spell not interested in my book.

I'd stop contact with her and see if she comes back around. Emailing her or making "tentative" plans for the future is futile for now. See if SHE intiates AND follows through.

 

I really think that is amazing how you KNOW that making plans for the future is FUTILE...that is pretty strong wording. A guy might not be so certain. Your choice of word really drives the message home..just wonder how you know these things with such certainty. She offered to meet the following Sunday but I said best not to make plans so far in the future or else this might happen again.

[simply complicated]

Thanks for all of your feedback, it has helped me think more clearly on this situation.

 

 

Hey, anytime, I hope things work out for the best, I figure as long as you stay genuine, you'll get there.