Is this still a game??

[INeedHelpFast]

here is the situation:

 

broke up with my gf of 2 years because she lied to me, and she wouldnt cut down contact with a guy that was flirting with her... i mean she told me she did, but didnt.. so she lied and went behind my back and did it, so i called it over

 

she told me she loved me and not him.. but she started hanging out with him ALOT more after we broke up, but then again that is pretty much her only guy friend

 

she has tried to make me jealous by posting pics of them online

 

i didnt call her on her bday, and she didnt call me on mine 2 weeks later

 

we've had break ups in the past, with me doing silent treatment for a couple weeks and then going back and trying to fix the relationship, but it was always me that went back..

 

for this current break up i have held NC and silent treatment (basically ignoring anything she sends thru text) for about 5 weeks.

 

I feel like it ended without any closure.. the last msg I exchanged with her was me telling her that I wasn't comfortable with the guy intruding in our relationship, and she never responded to it

 

Is this still a game? or is this over.. i hate playing games, i feel like something is weird because she never even fought to be friends like she always used to.. sometimes I wonder if the silent treatment and no contact is even hurting her

 

 

i dont necessarily want to be with her.. but is she still under the impression that I will come running back as always? I just want the chance to say No, i dont want to do this anymore, if she ever comes back, that would make me feel so much better lol

[ghost69]

stop checking up on her. block her email, block her webpages or whatever else you look at. stop everything and get a good girl. who cares what she's trying to do.

[civilservant]

I have to agree with ghost. If you don't want to be with her, it's the healthy thing to do.

[INeedHelpFast]

i know its the healthy thing to do, but i just want her to realize that im not some doormat anymore, and to some extent i look forward to her calling each day just so i can say "no, not anymore" , but thats why i wonder if its a game or is it just over for good and i will never get a call?

 

or even an apology letter? if it were me and i did something like that, i would atleast want to leave on good terms, but it seems like she just left the situation hanging..

[Cuppedia]

The thing is you wouldn't look forward to receive a phone call from some guy who works in a building next to yours to say "Do you care about me?" just so you could answer "No, I don't even know you".

You wouldn't call your ex just to inform her that you are over her either.

 

You don't wait for their permission to move on, you simply do it even if you don't want to because the other option is doing the exact opposite of what you are saying, and, the worse part is that the ex is allowed to see all of it.

 

It's better if you admit that you still care (a little, a lot, too much, a bit) and work on moving forward despite those feelings.

[INeedHelpFast]

The thing is you wouldn't look forward to receive a phone call from some guy who works in a building next to yours to say "Do you care about me?" just so you could answer "No, I don't even know you".

You wouldn't call your ex just to inform her that you are over her either.

 

You don't wait for their permission to move on, you simply do it even if you don't want to because the other option is doing the exact opposite of what you are saying, and, the worse part is that the ex is allowed to see all of it.

 

It's better if you admit that you still care (a little, a lot, too much, a bit) and work on moving forward despite those feelings.

 

 

yeah I understand what you mean, its just unsoothing i guess that she didnt have a response to the message I sent, i'm guessing im supposed to take that as "thats not going to happen" ? or is it some sort of a technique to string me along to see who crawls back first.. not that it matters at this point, but im just trying to make sense of things here, I am certainly trying to work on myself and try to move on, I was just curious as to whether or not she is still playing "head games"

[Cuppedia]

yeah I understand what you mean, its just unsoothing i guess that she didnt have a response to the message I sent, i'm guessing im supposed to take that as "thats not going to happen" ? or is it some sort of a technique to string me along to see who crawls back first.. not that it matters at this point, but im just trying to make sense of things here, I am certainly trying to work on myself and try to move on, I was just curious as to whether or not she is still playing "head games"

 

Well, see it this way, if it's a game it's going to work for as long as you participate, if she wants to have control over you then she's winning because you are using your time and thoughts to wonder about her actions.

 

 

 

So, if it's a game you can quit by ignoring the whole issue, if it's not you also win by ignoring it.

[INeedHelpFast]

Well, see it this way, if it's a game it's going to work for as long as you participate, if she wants to have control over you then she's winning because you are using your time and thoughts to wonder about her actions.

 

 

 

So, if it's a game you can quit by ignoring the whole issue, if it's not you also win by ignoring it.

 

 

good point!

 

i had a previous thread about what to do if she called on my birthday, but it went past a few days ago and she didnt call. but then again I didnt call on hers either.. is this supposed to mean something? also, these birthdays were only about 2 weeks apart, and its only been a little over a month since the break up

[Cuppedia]

i had a previous thread about what to do if she called on my birthday, but it went past a few days ago and she didnt call. but then again I didnt call on hers either.. is this supposed to mean something? also, these birthdays were only about 2 weeks apart, and its only been a little over a month since the break up

 

Try not to worry so much about why it's happening and instead focus on what happened. You are not going to be able to reach any kind of real answers anyway because nobody but her knows for certain what is going on.

 

But her actions are real, they are facts and even if you associate them with a million things they won't change. Look at the facts, no matter how painful it is.

[INeedHelpFast]

Try not to worry so much about why it's happening and instead focus on what happened. You are not going to be able to reach any kind of real answers anyway because nobody but her knows for certain what is going on.

 

But her actions are real, they are facts and even if you associate them with a million things they won't change. Look at the facts, no matter how painful it is.

 

 

yeah I tried that , it IS pretty painful, it just hit me that the relationship is over for good, and forever, I don't know why but it just did, and now I'm kinda freaking out, even though I know I shouldn't be with her, it just hurts to know that the person who made the mistake in the first place, isnt even trying to fix it.. but on top of that is mad at me for breaking up, and probably will never talk to me again.

 

 

this whole saga went from : her going crazy over the break up, her lying to my friends to make it seem like I was the bad person, her lying to her friends about me so she could feel better, her venting to random people about the break up and spreading false accusations to completely nothing at all, she just stopped everything, and apparently she told someone she was done for good..

 

 

I don't get it.. I gave her my heart and I feel like she abused it , at the least I deserve somewhat of an apology, how can you just hurt someone and walk away like nothing happened at all

 

maybe the humiliation of being caught lying was bad enough?

[Cuppedia]

So, let's try to recapitulate:

 

You believe she made a mistake and instead of trying to fix it or even apologizing she did things to make everything even worse and make you look bad.

You are hurt over all of those things and also would like her to compensate you, in "normal" terms of course you would have a right to talk to her, explain the situation and ask for an apology but the situation is not like that because she not only doesn't share your opinion but she also doesn't seem to care in the slightest.

 

Asking for an apology or talking about how hurt she made you is not only going to prove useless for your cause but might even please her.

 

This is going to require a lot of strength on your part, for a few months you're going to have to accept that the relationship ended on really bad terms but there's nothing you can do about it.

 

After a while you're going to feel like the happiest person in this world for not being around her and lucky she was out of your life, the circumstances will seem perfect because you didn't hurt her, she was gone and you didn't have to deal with her again.

 

Be patient, it takes a while but it's all worth it.