So again: your tips for avoiding "just" friendship

[Something funny]

I've seen a lot of great tips and hints for getting back together, and I sincerily believe that they work in most scenarios. But most of them don't seem to take this into account - how to avoid falling into the "friendship quicksand".

 

So, once you re-initiate contact with your ex, how do you make sure you don't just end up as very good friends? Or can you work your way from friends to lovers again? What do you think?

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Sorry, never experienced it before but I'll toss in my thoughts.

 

Isn't it possible for something to develop from close friendships? yes I believe so... There's your answer then.

 

I reckon if you both wanna get back together then they'll be a way.

 

That's just my thoughts.

Heb

[Something funny]

Yeah, but there's a saying that once you've become friends with a woman, there's no possibility of having an affair with her. That it's a bit of a one way street. Now I don't know if that saying is true.. but I do know that it's hard to advance from being a woman's friend to becoming her lover, a lot harder than it is for a woman to "climb" a man's "ladder".

[Princess777]

Greetings. I think this all depends upon if there is any chemistry on both parts. One partner can feel chemistry with the other but the other may not have any at all. In that case, it will never happen. And if it does it won't last, in my opinion. Most mature men and women know within spending a few minutes with another person if they find them romantically attractive, or if there is any chemistry there. For me, I can tell within 30 seconds if there's even a chance of anything ever happening. If it's not there you can't force it, it will just turn them away even more.

 

Do you have chemistry with this person, and does she have it with you, or are you not sure? Most likely you will know.

[Something funny]

Well I know that physically and chemically, we are a perfect match, mainly because we've always loved eachother's smells. You know, smelling the other person's neck and feeling like you're getting high. I think it's called pheromones, and ours mix perfectly.

 

But is that enough?

[Princess777]

Of course just having chemistry isn't enough to make it "work", but the question which I was answering was about friends becoming lovers. I think a lot about the movie "When Harry Met Sally"...... and the famous argument about whether or not men and women are truly "just friends" with neither one of them experiencing any sexual attraction for the other one. I don't know if you've seen the movie, but Sally thought it was possible and Harry did not. I believe that both men and women are capable of being friends with another person of the opposite sex even when there is no physical attraction, however, I find it difficult to believe that if NEITHER of them felt chemistry for the other one, the relationship as "friends" would survive very long. This is merely my own opinion and experience. The clincher here is that if one does not KNOW that the other has chemistry for them and that the sexual attraction is there, then the relationship as friends could continue in their eyes just as real friends and that's IT..... that has happened to me before so as I matured I just started telling guys upfront, look, here's what I feel for you, and that's it, and it will never go any further, or, look, I think I have a very substantial attraction to you, and I want to pursue that. But most women aren't as open with their feelings as I am. I think the key for you is to communicate honestly with her and see if there is true chemistry between the both of you and if there is, then there's ALWAYS a chance, I believe!!! Do whatever you have to, to find out if she has that connection to you. You already know you've got it with her, but she's got to feel the same way and chemistry is either there or it's not. Then once that is established, you just have to hook each other. I hope I haven't been too confusing.....

[Something funny]

So basically.. if two persons are "compatible", a good friendship could easily turn into a relationship?

[Princess777]

I believe so, yes. I believe there is definitely a chance for a committed relationship if you two both have chemistry for the other. Communicate with her to find out if she'll actually tell you if she thinks it is there, then you can decide whether or not to pursue her in that way.

[FreeAgain]

So basically.. if two persons are "compatible", a good friendship could easily turn into a relationship?

 

 

In my experience, going from a good friendship to a couple is possible. My past two relationships both started as friendships. In my last, we were friends for a year or so before we ended up together. During that time I was attracted to her and wished it was more, but had the feeling that friendship was all she wanted (which is still a good thing), so I never tried to initiate more and just enjoyed our time as friends. I had actually given up on the thought that we may end up together, then out of the blue, it happened.

 

I know in your case it's different, friendship after breakup but wanting more than just friends. I'm actually going through the same thing now, so ill try to help by letting you know how I view my current situation. I still love her and want her back, but now we are just friends, and it does hurt knowing that I still want more than this. I have no idea what the future holds and that I only play a part in what it will bring. But what I do in life sets up what the future has to offer. Maybe our friendship will bring us back together (as it first did). Maybe not. But I feel I must put myself in the position that it may happen. Even though I may be adding to my current pain, I know ill get over it. It's the future that concerns me more.

 

Can your work your way from friends to lovers again? For me, it's the only way. Ive also had a past relationship that lasted 4 years. After a short period of contact after the breakup it's been almost 3 years since we even spoken. She broke it off so I guess I feel she should be the one to call (if ever). If she called today wanting me back, it would be a definite no. If anything, we would have to start over as friends, and then see what happens.

[Something funny]

Hm, I guess I'll try my best. Either way, this is going to take a while..

[Langeveldt]

It would be worth trying the friendship route, just not to lose the girl i love completely...

 

I guess though, if she is physically attracted to you, being good friends or not will make little difference....

 

Sometimes i think we make things a bit more complicated than they actually are

[kate111]

I think you need to be her friend but don't let her know that you are hanging out for more.

 

Otherwise she won't respect you because she will see you as so desperate to have her in your life that you are willing to accept anything.

 

Desperation is never an attractive thing to either sex.

 

Be a bit mysterious. Be her friend but watch out because by being around her all the time it may upset you.