He wants one month and I am considering it. How wrong is it?

[ameliamolly]

Some of you have been following my story...I have a new BF but XBF wants me back after 9 months of being apart. Says that he changed.

 

I was out with my BF last night and found myself thinking of my X...UGGGGH!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to be there and into the conversation with my BF, but I couldn't.

 

Today the X calls to ask if I'd meet him for dinner tonight. While on the phone I expressed everything about how I am really confused because my new BF is a good guy, so why would I want to go back with him. He said "because you love me". He is right, but I question if he is good for me.

 

Like I said here before something is missing with the new BF. Maybe it's cause I am not over my X? I don't know. But I do know that I need to figure that out and get on with my life one way or the other.

 

XBF suggested I give him one month to show me that he has changed. He wants me to break up with my BF- tell him I need a month to figure things out and go on from there. But I know I can't expect my BF to wait around for me, that isn't fair. I said to the XBF "why in the world would I break up with a perfectly good guy and go back out with you?...everything inside of me says it's a big mistake and I am scared to death to even consider it." He said "because neither of us are going to be able to move on with our lives completely without knowing if this thing can work or not. We have been apart for almost 10 months and I have done so much work on myself to be a better person, I want to show you that. If in one month you say it's not working, then we'll end it completely." I have a feeling he may be right. I know that I will see if he really changed or not within the first week or two.

 

This is so unfair to my new BF. But I fear not getting closure with the X is the thing that I need. And if things work out with the X then I will have found my answer. It's not fair to my BF for me to be in it half heartedly, he deserves all of me or have it be over between us. I am so afraid of making a big mistake though...uggh. WHat an emotional roller coaster this thing has turned into...and I feel like a complete wreck.

[Evil_Bunny]

Ask yourself which of the two can you see yourself with in 6 months or a year down the line. Your BF, your XBF, or neither? If it is not your BF then you are being unfair to him and yourself. It is clear to me that you didn't give your self enough time when you and your X broke up before getting with you new BF. But that is irrelevant now. I can't see it working with your BF. You will continue to think 'what if' and you never want to get into that situation.

[Self Discoverer]

Hello Amelia

 

I've been folowing your postings and I feel for you

 

Last year I was in the exactly the same position as your current BF is at the moment. The parallels have frightened me and your current anguish has really struck a chord.

 

Without wanting to hijack your thread, I hope this may help.

 

The 'love of my life' broke up with me after a seven month relationship last June. She was 34 and I was 29 so of comparable ages to you. Her ex had broken yup with her a year prior to us getting together and was four years older than her. I've found all these parallels spooky.

 

Although we didn't talk about it I know that she was still in contact with her ex. Things went exceptionally well (almost too well) for 6 months before she seemed to be under a lot of pressure and started holding me at arms length.

 

She went away for a week, ostensibly to think about things in her career and her studies, but I knew that our relationship was also on her thoughts.

When she returned a spark seemed missing. Within a couple of weeks, and after some soul searching, she had broken up with me.

 

When she first broached it we talked and were communicating more openly than we had for a few weeks. She went away to think about it before coming back a couple of days later firmly resolved to end our relationship.

 

I don't know what she was going through but it does appear that she had met somebody else or had gone back to her ex for whom she had unresolved feelings.

 

You really need to think about what you really want. I don't think you're being fair to your current bf and neither is your ex. I know you recognise this.

 

I think the best thing to do would be to take time away from both of them to really think about who it is you want without any distractions. It will be hard for all concerned but you can't continue as you are.

 

Once you've got a clear head about what you want then maybe you can go back to a healthy relationship with who is best for you. It won't be the same (and you can't guarantee that whoever you choose may move on) but it is the fairest thing to do.

 

Either way hearts are going to be broken and there's no easy way to deal with that. I am really sorry for what you're going through

 

Take care