So how much of an advantage is the newness of a honeymoon stage?

[rebelfac]

I shouldn't be comparing myself with my ex's new boyfriend but I know that I just can't compare with the advantage of the honeymoon stage. After 14 years of great conversations they would naturally get boring compared to new ones. It is just hard on the ego to know I got beat out by this guy and have no chance to compete. Six months earlier she tells me that I am her soul mate, the feeling is overwhelming and her life would be empty without me. I actually added up the good things we each have and assigned weight to it. Ex 2 points for the attractive features she likely sees. It seems like the honeymoon phase would add 3x more points that eventually would fade. I mean doesn't longevity mean anything. Whould she really refer to him with the soul mate words 13 years from now? I so want to ask her this but am in NC for the longest time I have known her at the moment.

[rebelfac]

It is really unfortunate that the friendship has to end. Someone you thought you could trust no matter what and cared so much about you and that I respected so much. I mean you go from their everything to such a low priority and many cases an enemy. This just doesn't make any sense. I can figure out so many other things ahead of the curve and connect the dots in life. The fed cartel, the rigged stock market and so many other things that people said I am smart about but when it comes to relationships I am just so naive. It just can't be solved.

[atelis]

The honeymoon stage with the new guy will also fade in time.......it might take 3 months or 6 months, but it will fade. All we have left is our dignity and we even give that away to some extent when we keep giving ourselves up to our ex's.

 

I am in the same boat, the new guy is her everything now.........he's new and shiny and nothing else matters.

 

14 years is a long time and unfortunately, people these days look for the 'sizzle' that only something new can bring, rather than continue to cultivate something more real which you obviously had

[Thornbirds18]

I have the same question but now I even try not to think about it. Their honeymoon stage will fade eventually like any relationships. Like atelis said unfortunately many people only want the thrilling of the newness instead of nurturing the current one.

 

Relationships are very hard to me too and I guess I'm just not lucky in this department. It's hard to see the person you love deeply to be in a new relationship. But we really can't do anything except taking good care of ourselves. Let the nature take its course and time will tell.

 

Hugs...

[Mr_BabyBlade]

The honeymoon stage is like a breath of fresh air for your ex. Over time it will disappear and probably by then your feelings for her too would have dissipated. This is a part of life which is sad. My ex started rebounding straight away and she did it so fast it made my head spin.

[djcom80429770]

I understand how you guys feel, I just wanted to add a little food for thought..EVERY relationship you have been in, and the other person has been has never lasted for FOREVER. 14yrs..great haul, but it did end..Im saying all that because I see how many of us give up hope or think that because they are with someone else that THIS one is going to be the one that last forever..Most want an instant return *myself included* but its just not the way of it..at least for most..Improve yourself..find yourself, your day in the sun will happen, wether it be with her or another

[rebelfac]

I wonder if she ever thinks about the memories. I have been in nc for only two weeks, the longest ever before it was one week. I know I sound like a whimp but I am wondering if I should be brief, indifferent and a little cold sounding the next time I talk to her or fun and upbeat? I don't want to burn a bridge but I also want to see if she will at least miss our friendship. This guy is doing everything right to land her and knows he won't ever find better. She just wasn't feeling loved by me and is by him. If I just got a second chance I would do things right. She always wanted to do things with our daughter and mostly stay at home and so did I. She now gets to go out in a more exciting city with just him and got plugged into his many friends. My mom and other friends no longer want to talk about it. I guess they know that there is nothing that can be done.

[R41N]

On average, honeymoon stages last about 6-8 months. This is just relationship in general according to an article. Anyways, come to think of it, I think my honeymoon stage lasted within that period so I guess it may be a pretty accurate estimate. What do you guys think?

 

Isn't it funny? The people we love are the ones that are capable of hurting us the most...