mikelopez Posted July 20, 2009 Share Posted July 20, 2009 honestly I guess if you love the person who cares, but i work out so i am hoping that maybe i have a love connection with someone who shares a common interest as me Link to comment
DaBladeRoden Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I think there is a huge difference between just attraction and love...if you're just looking to get laid and have some eye candy then yes you want the hottest thing ever, if you are looking for a long lasting relationship, a partnership then I think you want the whole package and there is room for flaws...nobody is perfect, everyone has a different standard of beauty. Can you imagine all the people in the world and not one person exactly the same as anyone else (twins aside) EVERYONE is beautiful in their own way... I wish we didn't feel the need to obsess over our body parts and what we think beauty should be... *sigh* perfect world I am talking about I guess Weird, I am kind of the other way. I'd have more lax standards for a quick lay and be more picky about who i want to commit for the foreseeable future with. That goes for both looks and personality. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I guess I don't understand why anyone would love padding. I don't want a new car, give me that big ass minivan? I don't really understand that. If you weren't into it at first, why should that change? I dislike fat, but fat attached to funny is sexy fat? I don't get it, but then again, I do not think that way. Well, I'm not sure I understand the car/minivan analogy...I mean, some people like minivans? That aside, it'd be hard to explain what I mean without being so incredibly subjective, that the argument would lose its potency. Because if you don't buy into the concept (which is that some physical traits start to become more aesthetically pleasing over time), then it'd be really hard for me to describe what I see in a particular "unattractive" (in the abstract) trait and have that make any sense. I once made the best analogy I could on this, and again it's coming to mind. That one of finding a food that you once didn't like and now liking it. I think you said that was an experience you couldn't really relate to, so I can't really use that analogy. But it's a pretty good parallel. And it's also very subjective because some traits I will find sexy after a while, while some I will just not notice, or think of as "not ideal" but certainly they won't be visual dealbreakers. For instance, I think a bit of padding can be sexy not merely because I like the "brain" it comes with, but also because I like the "give" -- I like that I can smoosh my lips into it better. It has a sensuousness. Ha, that's very, very subjective. If you are funny and a great guy, and don't have this bit of padding, great. If you are funny and do, great. I didn't start to like it because he was funny, I started to like it because I noticed I liked to smoosh my lips into it and it seemed luscious. More so than I would have thought originally, given my penchant for slimness. Now, had he been significantly overweight, that would have been a problem. But my "this is what you can get away with and still be sexually attractive to me" range is quite flexible and accomodating. By contrast, I don't think I'll ever PREFER a completely balding man. I don't know why this is different from weight, maybe my associations I have about baldness in my life, maybe the way I feel about hair, but I could be very attracted to someone and wish they had a bit more hair. It's not a dealbreaker and I wouldn't feel like I'm "settling" for someone if they were balding. It wouldn't compromise my passion for him, particularly if he had a nice face and healthy body. (Face is always light years more important than any other body part.) So much counts more than baldness, I'd thank my lucky stars if he was right in other ways. It's so hard for me to visualize something that I need or desire physically for it to be good for me, that if I was dating my "ideal", it would feel the same as dating someone who wasn't, in terms of attraction. I know this sounds utterly nonsensical, but I know it's true. Because I like tall, slim men and pretty much all I've dated are short, chunky men -- as if it were some kind of pattern! And these men were all extremely sexy to me (the ones I was in love with and really felt I wanted to continue the relationship with, anyway.) Then again, I have one male friend that isn't terribly overweight (only a tad), isn't completely bald (just a receding hairline), but I can't get into him. I wish I could, because he even has a pretty good personality. But his eyes put me off and his manner of speech. There's some kind of fire he lacks and something closed down that's ineffable. So you could say, "I thought padding was ok, on a guy?" and I'd say, "on him, no, because the whole thing isn't doing it for me." So hard to explain. As Lucius said, when I love someone, just about everything looks beautiful to me, and the traits that are "imperfections" are totally inconsequential. Meaning, they don't factor in. Whew, okay. Talk about overstating points. Lol. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 One other thing...if someone has some "imperfection" (like love handles) but has something else really fabulous, then they balance eachother out. So if you have wonderful eyes and shoulders, you could easily get away with a bit of a paunch. (To me. As an example.) It's unrealistic to expect that every single part of us is a gleaming sample of perfection. Link to comment
dragon lady Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Amazing. All this for some fat on the sides of the body. It makes me want to put on a muumuu and never take it off. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 C'mon over and I'll be happy to dress you up, DL! I actually normally wear clothing that hides my figure a bit. Partly because it's comfy, partly because I don't give a crap right now, and am not actively trying to draw dates, and partly because if you look at my face and size, you can tell I'm not overweight, so a little inch here or there that isn't 100% toned under my hoodie shouldn't be closing the deal for you. Link to comment
DunwichChild Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Amazing. All this for some fat on the sides of the body. It makes me want to put on a muumuu and never take it off. I'm a Spanish speaker, so I didn't know what a muumuu was, so I googled it, this is what I found: image removed Link to comment
iLiveWithMyMom Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 i didn't say that i was average. you said the guys on ena wouldn't mind extra weight. but i think hero is saying, if they could, they would take a more attractive woman if they didn't have to 'settle'. i think a lot of guys on ena have self-esteem problems or social issues to deal with and would take a less attractive girl due to that. are we thinking the same on that hero? Not trying to put words in your mouth, but I think what you were trying to say is, "if people could have a more attractive version of their SO, they would take the more attractive version." It's not a whole lot more PC, but probably a whole lot more accurate. As far as the generalization about guys on ENA, I don't think we're any more or less socially awkward than the rest of the male population on this planet as a whole. I tend to think the distribution of the types of people on ENA is a pretty accurate reflection of the real world. Link to comment
DaBladeRoden Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I'm a Spanish speaker, so I didn't know what a muumuu was, so I googled it, this is what I found: image removed yup, you nailed it Link to comment
dragon lady Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 C'mon over and I'll be happy to dress you up, DL! I actually normally wear clothing that hides my figure a bit. Partly because it's comfy, partly because I don't give a crap right now, and am not actively trying to draw dates, and partly because if you look at my face and size, you can tell I'm not overweight, so a little inch here or there that isn't 100% toned under my hoodie shouldn't be closing the deal for you. That's right. You're in Hawaii. You'd be able to hook me up with the goods. To be honest, I actually tend to look bigger in baggy clothes because I have a fat face. Link to comment
Dagless Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I guess I don't understand why anyone would love padding. I don't want a new car, give me that big ass minivan? I don't really understand that. If you weren't into it at first, why should that change? I dislike fat, but fat attached to funny is sexy fat? I don't get it, but then again, I do not think that way. There are things in life that you will never understand. Some people think Russell Brand is funny, some people think Coldplay are really fantastic and some people think Angelina Jolie is super sexy. I don't understand why they do and I never will because I just don't get those things. It doesn't make you weird or strange not to get it, it just makes you an individual that's all. Ghost said that he has high standards but you know what I do too but I doubt that we are looking for the same things and it doesn't mean that he's right and I'm wrong or vica-versa, it just means that we are different. That's the great thing about the human race, we are all different. There is something for everyone! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 i tried the whole personality thing first. i didn't pay attention that the physical wasn't there. dated for years too. broke up a few times along the way cause i was unsure about it. i couldn't figure it out. ultimately, it ended because of physical. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 That's certainly true for me (and I'm heavily into fitness myself). I don't care that much about physical appearance; it's just not really that big a deal for me. I fell in love with my fiancee because of her warm, wise, loving self - not because of her beauty. Of course, when you love someone, they seem tremendously beautiful to you anyway. More beautiful, in a certain way, than anyone else can ever be. But objectively attractive physical traits, for me, are just a bonus. And my self esteem's pretty solid, by the way. that's great for you. i never said there was some standard of how a guy chooses. all of this discussion has gotten way off from the original question. sorry OP. what it boils down to is 'love handles' for some = fat and for some does not = fat. Link to comment
sweetdslollipop Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 some people like fat. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 some people like fat. not denying that. Link to comment
g84 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 Reading through this thread is making me feel a bit self-conscious : [. I had never even thought about love handles before.. I'm not really sure if i have them or not..but i don't want to be concerned about it : (. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 proper diet and fitness will help you not get them. Link to comment
g84 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I just don't want this to be one more thing that i worry/stress about : (. I am doing my best to eat well and exercise, though. Link to comment
diabolik Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I just don't want this to be one more thing that i worry/stress about : (. I am doing my best to eat well and exercise, though. If you're happy with your body in general, then that's enough; just continue what you're doing with a healthy diet and exercise. Don't go stressing about love handles. There are much bigger issues in life. Every time I start fixating on something so trivial, I remind myself that there are millions of people who would trade lives with me. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I guess I don't understand why anyone would love padding. I don't want a new car, give me that big ass minivan? I don't really understand that. If you weren't into it at first, why should that change? I dislike fat, but fat attached to funny is sexy fat? I don't get it, but then again, I do not think that way. One other thing on this, too, is that if YOU don't think that way, it'd be really hard to extrapolate to see how someone/anyone else could feel that way. I think it's one of those things where you'd have to have your own experience of it (not necessarily about padding, but anything being an "imperfection" that you grow to love/enjoy, or else seeing the person as beautiful in a way you'd never change, "flaws" included) to know how it feels and to think this way. Until you do, it will seem like people are disparate parts to love or not love, and wholes that are image removed Heh heh....actually, DL, this is one of the most popular styles here, this is classic, and believe it or not, the muumuu was based on Victorian dress (which accentuates the waist, ironically enough!) This is so very typical (the girl modeling as well) as to what you see here, though it's certainly not everyday wear, it's more formal: image removed Kind of funny that some muumuus are tailored like that in the midsection, rather than being virtual pup tents...but this reminds me that if you are trying to hide love handles (to get back on track with topic), baby doll dresses are about as good, yet to me as gagsome, as muumuus. I can't stand baby doll dresses, they look like maternity wear, but they are so in style now! Just as those boy shorts on that blonde model picture are. It almost seems like squeezing that part of your hips until some overhang develops is in vogue now. It's really puzzling to me. There are better ways to accentuate the female form. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 If you're happy with your body in general, then that's enough; just continue what you're doing with a healthy diet and exercise. Don't go stressing about love handles. There are much bigger issues in life. Every time I start fixating on something so trivial, I remind myself that there are millions of people who would trade lives with me. I couldn't agree more. I have a disabling pain condition that affects me in ways no one sees outwardly, when I just walk around. And when that came into my life, I realized how just being healthy and having a body that worked was a miracle. It completely transformed my sense of vanity (which was mammoth before that, in wanting to turn heads). Sure, I still have my vain weaknesses and insecurities, but a life-threatening illness (which started it all) made me realize just how little a bit of extra flesh here or there, or asymmetry or any other physical imperfection mattered. I would wish this perspective on everyone, minus the agonizing events I endured, and difficulties I deal with. If someone could give me love handles and take away the condition that affects my life in so many ways, I'd make that trade in less than a 100th of a heartbeat. So just keep up your exercise and eating healthy, and treat your body as the precious temple it is. Everyone's body is a temple, no matter what their features. I truly believe everyone has the capacity for a beautiful body, and if they carry the right attitude, a beautiful radiance and face. Link to comment
shera Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 I think this is a mundane argument. Everyone has different preferences, Ghost likes fit uber athletic girls and why not he treats his body like a temple and works hard to mantain it. Why would he be with someone who does any differently. Some guys like really thin, delicate and waif like. Other guys like girls who are athletic but soft, some guys like bigger girls...the point is to like yourself and accept yourself and do what you need to do to be happy with yourself... Link to comment
AKittyGoesMoo Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 aha.. That's what I was thinking. I'd be horrified if a guy grabbed my "love handles" during sex. I'd probably die right there and then. The other day I was snuggling with my boyfriend and he grabbed my right love handle and made this slurping duck quacking sound. I was horrified. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 The other day I was snuggling with my boyfriend and he grabbed my right love handle and made this slurping duck quacking sound. I was horrified. time to get a membership. Link to comment
AKittyGoesMoo Posted July 21, 2009 Share Posted July 21, 2009 time to get a membership. No, see, and here's the freaking weirdest part. I indicated my horror and he goes: "No, it's soft and funny. Don't get rid of it. It's like having boobs on your hips." ....what? Haha Link to comment
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