I basically dont have anyone to talk to

[mr me]

Ive always had this dilemma. My problems are so different then most people and there really isnt much i can do about them. Im basically not able to do anything right now to make things in my life better. I guess most people dont get why im writing and trying to help myself if im not doing things to make things better. Its just all i can do is try to keep everything im going thru from making me be really self-destructive. Ive been really questioning myself on why i am able to have so many thoughts that are really sick and disturbing but dont act on them. I guess its a good thing but because of my issues with OCD and having diff personalities that my dark side is really messing up my head. Its crazy because i cant even talk about all the messed up things in my life because ill just get more depressed. Its just i want to scream and yell till my lungs collapse to just get all these messed up emotions out of me. Its just all that does it brings out more of those same emotions so its been a very tough thing to deal with. I just really want to turn over and just die or something but somehow i find a way thru this.

 

I just cant really see things getting good for me because of how bad things are. I was doing better before but its always so up and down for me. I feel like i have so many issues that its really blows me away. Its just for whatever reason i always seem to find a way to make things better before they get really bad. Its like im always at the end of really losing it but somehow i deal with it and things kinda work out. Its just when you have been doing as bad as i have its like your just lost in everything because it starts to lose feeling like things make sense. I know the world can be unfair and really messed up but what about balance. Its like how long can you go thru all of this before you start to question if its even worth it. Its just like always im probably making it alot worse then it is but its really bad. Its just i need to find a way to make it so its not impossible. Im supposed to see that when this is over my life will probably be better then it was before. Its just certain things wont be the same and i really dont know how to accept that. Things have been so bad for a really long time and I cant just think that everything will be different. Alot of things really wont be different but somehow im supposed to make the most of that.

 

I just have really seen how screwed up this world can be and i guess thats supposed to help me by not feeling so lost when things go bad. Its just it makes me feel like things can always go back to this. People tend to think how because of all these things like complaining, just getting tired of going thru this, and really just how mad and miserable this has made me that im still supposed to just find a way to be positive or look on the good side. Its just no one will really get what its like to go thru what ive gone thru and im supposed to live with that. I remember reading that once you get used to the bad things you can start to enjoy the good things. Its just i really dont know how im supposed to be ok with all the messed up things ive had to go thru. It just causes you to have some really dark thoughts that arent things you can just deal with like that. I kinda wonder why people live thru stuff like this because i really dont get it. I can probably see why but i really dont want to think about that right now.

[doityourself]

Mr. Me

 

I think this is the first time I seen you write about what your going thru. Im going to PM you okay.