TIME FOR CHANGE!! THERE'S A NEW GAL IN TOWN!!!!

[GeeCee]

Dikaia

 

Thinking too much, there, buddy. Stop torturing yourself. For now, you have no answers. None whatsoever. This is a bad day for you, it will pass. Know that.

 

Time will help all of us. Be positive, focus on the light, not the dark, believe that all will be good. And Dikaia, all will be good.

 

Thinking of you today.

 

G xx

[dikaia880]

While my ex still finds ways to rip my heart out ( I know she doesn't mean to, she doesn't even know she's doing it) I know that I have all of you here to be my backbone when I get weak...And that makes me believe, believe that there are people out there (all of you) that care for others...gives me hope that while I'm four months into the worst time of my life (no exagerration) There will be a time in the future when I'm either A.) Back together with my ex, or B.) Over her and on with my life...

Neither of those two are going to happen tomorrow...but someday...

I thank all of you for you thoughts and prayers!

 

I hope that I can repay some of you for the strength you all give me from day to day....I hope all is well with everyone.

[spatzcolumbo]

Don't you just hate that feeling of knowing that basically there is nothing at all you can do but wait for one of those 2 eventualities. Either the one you want (her coming back and realising her mistake) or the one you feel will never happen (you moving on). I'm trying to throw myself into other things at the moment - friends, going out, finding a new flat, etc etc. I'm planning on finding a flat and trying to get myself sorted in that part of my life. The way i see it, the more i do at the moment to keep busy, the faster the time will go.

 

I am still so sure that things would be different in a year when she comes home for good. I want to get to that point, because i know that i will either have met someone else, or i will be happy where i am, and she will see that. I also know that finishing uni is hard, and a lot of people get depressed (at having to face the reality of the real world). its a long way off, but if i still haven't met anyone to compare to her, then i know i'd be there for her, and i know WHY i would be there for her.

 

I'm trying to go no contact again now. But this time i have to accept that the aim is to distance myself so that i can get over her rather than get her to come back quicker. Experience tells me that the exact moment i feel fine with things will be the time she will throw a spanner in the works and tell me something that will throw me again.

 

Just waiting for the next crash.

[dikaia880]

Exactly, The next crash...

It's always there...whether it's us that causes it or the ex's.

 

When I saw her thurs and fri nights I was fine we had fun...the saturday the booze got to me and I tried to tell that I'm good with us being friends, but I don't think it came out that way...also I wondering what else I may have said that I don't remember...I do remember being in her car and saying "nice CD player" a couple times (I bought it for her last summer as a surprise....this would all be fine and dandy but she was stone cold sober and I was wrecked....I don't know how it may have come accross.

Oh well...she still hasn't called me back after Sunday night when I called her...I think I should email her or call her today to let her know what I was trying to say, becuase she just cut me off and said we'll talk when your sober....

damn booze!!!

[twizod]

Since you do not remember what exactly happened that night I think it is best to just do some damage control. Act like you are genuinely embarrassed for your demeanor and am sorry for anything you did/say that might have made her uncomfortable but you do not really remember what happened. If you do this thru email and wait for a response I think you'll get a positive reaction like, "Oh no biggy" or something similar. Keep your chin up. This isn't a last chance thing..you will ALWAYS have other opportunities to talk..it always seems to happen. Good luck.

[dikaia880]

Yeah, i sent her an email yesterday at work...

 

"Sorry about all the drunken rambling saturday afternoon, I probably

should have cut myself off a little earlier! I was just trying to let you

know that I understand where we're at and that I'm okay with it. XXX,

you're really special to me and I enjoy spending time with you and talking

to you, whether we're a couple or not. In the past, I thought there was

something I could say or do to change things...I know I can't and I wish I

could have realized that a long time ago. I apologize if I've made it hard

for us to be friends, and no matter what may or may not happen in the

futureI hope we are always at least friends. So I hope that what I was sayingdidn't come off wrong. It as really good seeing you this weekend. I had a lot of fun thursday night, you're looking great! Sorry this is in an email, but I figured you're going to be hella-busy this week and I just wanted to make sure you knew what I was trying to say. Good luck with the rest of school, I know you'll do great, and if you get stressed at all you know you can always call me to vent (even if it's at 2am, but you might have to call twice!) Talk to you soon."

 

 

She sent an email back to my work email that i got today, but all night I wondered why she didn't email back as she never emails me at work...She thanked me for the email and for being supportive and that she is really busy...

So I think her response was good, and I'm still pretty sure I didn't say anything too dumb... We'll see what happens in the future I suppose...I think that theres nothing I can really do from a distance...In all honesty I want to be with her, but if it isn't meant it isn't meant (which doesn't make it any easy)

Oh well...the future is the future and you can only live for the now, and hope for the future....

[Scout]

Yeah, I wouldn't sweat it at all. It could have been a lot worse, like what I did a week ago...had a major scene with the ex, me crying and telling him I hated him, and I was SOBER! I bit the bullet and left a message with him later in the day just to apologize and tell him the anger came out because I loved him, and I hoped that he would eventually contact me but I would leave him alone until he did. Well - I didn't hear from him for a week, and than (breaking the NC rule yet again) I called him the other day to see how he was. He has two people in his family who are really ill, so it was a legitimate reason to check up on him. Anyway, we talked briefly, he sounded kind of short, so I didn't stay on the phone too long. Surprisingly, he called me later in the afternoon to say "thanks" for the call AND for last week's call. He said he'd been thinking about me...long story short, we hooked up again last night. But, I was totally in control this morning and didn't say one word about the relationship. And when he left he said "I'll be seeing more of you." Whatever that means...but he did call me today to say hi...this is not exactly like any previous relationship I've had...I kind of started thinking maybe the no contact thing was too passive, and that I should fight for our relationship if I wanted him back, or at least not fade quietly away. I know he loved me, and still cares very much, and I guess I just am not ready to end things yet because it seems like there is at least a small possibility of us working things out. But he's being very, very cautious...

[dikaia880]

Sounds like your getting you emotions under check...that has to happen before anything else can happen...just keep on doing what your doing...It may or may not work out in the end, but at least you can say you tried...

 

I'm not worried about what I may have said that afternoon...I do remember it just not exactly what I said, but I know what I was trying to say and more than likely I was just slurring and not making coherent sense...

 

She asked me if I was coming up this weekend for a big University party (about 5,000 drunk college kids in the park, good times) I won't go up there two weekends in a row for parties...I tols her I probably won't get up there again until I move back in three months...

Hopefully I see her, but if not the shock of not seeing someone for three months that you used to have a great relationship may do something to her, or not...

If it's true love and it's meant to be, it will be theres no way around it...God has his plans and reasons and we don't know why he does what he does but he has his reasons....If we live for ourselves and live for God's Will life will be full of good and bad times, but it will always be good overall...

[Scout]

Thanks, I'm trying to stay focused on other things - like launching my freelance writing career - so that I can keep my emotions in check. Regarding your situation, I think it's a good sign that she asked if you're coming up the following weekend. There's such a fine line between all this...should we subtly "fight for our ex" or do the NC thing, or is NC actually a part of the fighting for your ex strategy...one thing is for sure, trying to keep your emotions under control (and stay somewhat sober! ) is needed no matter what you do.

 

I also like how you expounded upon the "everything happens for a reason" idea by clarifying that God has His plans, etc. I have always avoided the rather pat saying that everything happens for a reason, because I'm not so sure that's the case. I think we are largely in control of our own destiny, but lately I've been moving back to a more spiritual path, based on my Christian upbringing, so I am open to the idea that there may indeed be a Divine Plan. But we can't just sit back and wait to see what that is, we're a necessary participant in any Plan that is meant for us.

[dikaia880]

It was kind of weird the way she asked if I was coming back..."are you comingback for the party next weekend? I have to work at 7:30am..."

 

i just seemed weird to me, like she was asking me if I was coming back and then telling me she wouldn't be able to see me...or maybe she was saying i should go to her bar to start the morning off? I don't know...

 

God has his plans, yes this is true...I believe in Fate and Destiny, but i also know that sometimes you have to help it along....

 

For me, from what she's said and how she's acted (and I hope I'm right) I'm everything she ever wanted, but long distance got in the way and she feels she doesn't want a serious relationship (180 from the talk of marriage she always brought up) She told a friend of mine and he quoted her as saying "He's the greatest guy in the world, everything I ever thought I wanted and did want, but he just wasn't here..." something like that...

So all I can do is keep some contact have fun with her when I get the chance, and hope that when I move back for grad school something changes...

I hate this

[Scout]

I wouldn't read too much into what she said about next week's party. She may have just been making conversation, let's not forget that our ex's don't necessarily have an underlying motive/meaning to everything they say to us. Hard to keep that into perspective sometimes when we're driving ourselves up the wall analyzing everything. I have to literally tell myself "stop!" sometimes, or I'll drive myself nuts.

[dikaia880]

It was the only bit of "conversation" she made in the email...it was a real quick one right before she headed to class...I'll take it as a good thing, not in the sense that "it must mean she wants me" but in the sense that if I was there she'd probably want to see me for awhile...

 

It seems like I float in-between contentment and misery all day...one minute I'm thinking if it's meant to be it will and if not I'll have someone else....the next minute I'm thinking that she's absolutely the only one for me and no one can take her place...it's hard to swing that way...it doesn't help my mood when I have clients yelling at me all day either!!!

 

Oh well right now I'm content...talk to me in an hour and I'll be ready to get the heck away from my desk and get my stress out at the gym!!!

[dikaia880]

Hey just thought I'd check in on everybody...

Gee Cee, I haven't heard from you in a long time...how is everything???

anybody else? Spatz? Scout?

 

Oh Well, hope everyone is doing well!

[Scout]

Hi Dikaia - I'm still here, just all over the place at different threads. Hope all is well with you & everyone...and yes, it's high time we had an update from Miss Gee Cee, unless she's too busy "Down Under" with her Australian friend....

[GeeCee]

Oh Scout, I wish, I wish, I wish - no definitely not down under with the Australian.

 

However, I do have a little bit of news. Nothing too major I am afraid, and ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE EX.

 

For some time, I have been coming to the conclusion (belatedly) that there is nothing we can do to win back our exes and keep them. Dear lord, I am too busy to be looking over my shoulder all the time, wondering when he will have another crisis that will force him back into his cave.

 

I miss him and adore him, but I AM IN THE PRIME OF MY LIFE and pining will not bring him back. And so I have been a busy busy bee. I am going on a few dates, and these are dates to make you weep out in ecstasy rather than in agony if you remember my date of a couple of weeks back. Oh yes, I feel desire again and there is a twinkle in my eye again and I feel BETTER.

 

I am not going to pretend that I do not have melancholy thoughts of the ex, but that searing pain has gone. And when I look in my inbox these days it is not for M, but rather an update from D.

 

Now D (oh thank you Lord, has beautiful blue eyes - YESSSS!!!)

 

Really, as miserable as it gets, and believe me, I was there, one has to accept sometimes that life is unfair, a b!tch in fact, and move onto the next stage.

 

Maybe my ex will come back one day, and maybe he won't, and maybe he will and I will have a DO NOT DISTURB sign up.

 

Hope you are all well.

 

G xx

[dikaia880]

Fantastic attitude Gee!!!

 

I try to force that on myself every now and then, but it doesn't always work...

I fear I'm stuck in a horrible rut of work and sleep for the next three months until I go back to school...whether the ex works out then I don't know...but this I can tell you, it will be a huge lifestyle change, exactly what I'm looking for at this point in my life....being in school I'll feel young again, no matter how much stress comes with it!!!

 

I am much too young to have this old man feeling that comes with my daily routine!!!

But it will get better, just hang on and it is goin by quick....

 

Hope all is well...for everybody!!!

[Scout]

"Do Not Disturb" sign - love it!! Gee Cee, that cracked me up. Yep, life does go on, and there are others out there, but I am still glad we all tried to fight for our ex - we're not little pansies who just meekly accept the first couple of "no's". On the other hand, we're not desperate or stupid enough to remain chained to a lost cause, once we decide that's what it is. I cannot emphasize how much I learned from this site & all of you wonderful people. I'm not completely over my situation, but I certainly feel much stronger than I did before.

[strong1]

I agree whole heartedly. Let the DATING begin! I still love my ex..but fretting will NOT bring him back. He'll come limping back of his own accord...in his own time frame. He's a great guy...but I'm an even BETTER gal. He's got 'work issues'..yeah, well, me too..but it doesn't make me run away from people I (allegedly) love and hole up for months on end.

 

Altho, (insert silent prayer here) please don't let the next man I date have freakish 'space tendencies' like the last. Lest brain snap like old rubber band.

 

We deserve to be treasured and treated like princesses (or princes as the case may be.) If the ex's can't see that..well, then..'off with their heads' (or at least take off any jewelry they've given us..which, in my case, would NOT be too time consuming.)

[SincerlyHurt]

Yee freaking haw, Looks like some of you are following my lead, get your arses out there and LIVE. It is a wonderful feeling to have when you realize that you can and will live on without your ex. It is also uplifting to realize that there are people out there that will adore you just the way you are, and it is also nice to again have someone that is romantically interested in you calling just to chat, it feels the void. We cannot just sit idly by as the world moves on, you must spin with it.

 

Strong1, I remember your PM last week and it seems as if what you said still stands, no regressions right?

 

GeeCee, great for you, how nice is it to lie your head on your pillow at night and think of someone other than your ex, same for waking in the morning. It is refreshing to fantasize about what life could bring for you with that next person.

 

I favor moving on and have constructed a big ol "Do Not Disturb" sign, although she still finds silly reasons to contact me but I do not give in and talk about anything other than what stupid little reason she calls for. Simple, short, and uncaring.

 

Well, we must move our escapades to another section I suppose.

 

See ya around.

[ziggystar]

strong1,

 

Altho, (insert silent prayer here) please don't let the next man I date have freakish 'space tendencies' like the last. Lest brain snap like old rubber band.

 

i'm beginning to think most if not all people have this 'space issues' to varying degrees and it's matter of timing and relative juxtaposition to the other person. meaning all people have these issues and with time most people get over it and commit. it's just a matter of timing. and if you are less at that stage of readiness to commit to intimacy then your partner, eventhough you might be close, you will be the one needing some space. well, at least that's my theory. i mean we're all human beings and we all have the more in common then we don't. food for thought...

[dikaia880]

Timing...

 

I have become convinced that timing is the death to most relationships....

 

Without doubt, if I had met my ex earlier on (not 2 weeks before I was supposed to move, even though I did stay for her for awhile) We'd probably be together...

 

I'm throwing out a percentage, from experience in life and other's stories on her that timing has ruined otherwise excellent relationships 75% of the time....

 

But Fret not, because the time will come, one day time will be on our sides....whether that is with the ex, someone we've know for a long time, or someone we've all yet to meet....It will happen, patience is a virtue...theres a reason its a virtue, because it's hard as hell, but we will all get through this, I'm glad to see most of you are farther along than me...It gives me hope that one day soon I'll be in your positions....ON WITH MY LIFE!!!

 

Good night and sweet dreams to all!!!

[ziggystar]

dikaia880,

 

I'm throwing out a percentage, from experience in life and other's stories on her that timing has ruined otherwise excellent relationships 75% of the time....

 

i would say that it ends (ruin is so negative, because after all you do learn things from each relationship) 99% of relationships (excellent or not). because logically, all relationships end until you meet one that doesn't. and that won't happen until you are ready and that person you meet is ready...timing.

[strong1]

Yes, well..perhaps timing is an issue in some cases. But really tho..am finding that my ex is really more of a F R E A K than anything else!

 

I need time..and space .. to find someone who is NOT my ex. Oh my....feeling sassy (and very fed up w/ex.) Somehow..being nice has not worked over last 3+..(not to mention three months he flaked out on me last year..and I took him back...Silly, SILLY me.

 

Maybe being a 'not so nice' gal will work. Hey, if what you've tried didn't work..try something new. Actually, am working on getting the old me back. As am getting sick of the 'sit there, improve yourself, and wait for him to change' stage.

[strong1]

Yes SH, sorry, just read your post..I am going full speed ahead with new game plan per last PM. Can't say heart is TOTALLY in it..but was losing FAR too much brain matter beating head against massive brick wall w/no progress.

 

Just because one man or woman out there doesn't want us..does not mean the rest of the world feels that way. HA

[twizod]

Believe it or not time heals all wounds and life will only get better as each new day arrives. Its nice to know this b/c I feel sooooo much better now than I did a month ago. I think it is partly how well your break up went. It seems the messier it was the harder it is to get over it but luckily I haven't had a lot of those. I wish you the best and just have a little faith that it will make you a stronger person like me and like everybody else.