Considering my options

[seralee]

I know it is still very early, and I am not sure if it is even a viable pregnancy yet. But I am already being asked to make a decision by my boyfriend. I recently spoke with him, and he was like we can't have a child bottom line. I have noticed he is starting to be a little distance which makes me feel very lonely.

 

I know that if it is a viable pregnancy that if I decided to abort that I would only be doing it to make him happy. I have never believed in abortion and never would have considered it but now it is an issue I must fact. I know how difficult it is to raise a child. I am not where I want to be in life in regards to my career but it doesn't mean I cannot get there.

 

I feel his decision is being forced upon me. I have always felt that bringing a baby should be a decision by both people. Now that I am facing reality, I don't know if that is what I believe anymore. I just don't know how he can be the one to decide for me to get an abortion. I am the one that has to go through the pain. And I know I am the one that may have regrets down the road.

 

I just needed to express myself a little. I feel so alone right now and I am just trying to sort through my thoughts. It really sucks having to wait until Thursday to see the doctor....

[hers]

Do NOT make a decision just to please him. Look at it this way--theres a chance you won't be together long after that anyway, b/c if you do, you'll resent him, you'll possibly have another major issue come up in your relationship and he'll react immaturely like he did with this issue. I suggest getting out of the relationship...I don't say that often, but his reaction to this issue was very telling of him as a person.

[Qut81]

I am so sorry you feel alone. *hugs* However, if you feel doing this would go against your belief system then dont do it. Plenty of women successfully raise children without the father present, if thats the case. There is also adoption. Termination doesnt have to be the answer if you dont want it.

 

I can not tell anyone what to do bc I say a lot now but in the situation, it may be more difficult to make a desicison. I do know a lot of ppl who have had abortions and almost all of them have a hard time dealing with it. Men and women. My ex's ex gf had an abortion and he still cries about it, she still calls him crying sometimes. That was 3 years ago. It never leaves you and you will always remember. Unless you are one of those ppl who do not feel its a baby at that stage or use it as a BC method, which it doesnt sound like you. Whatever decision you make, make sure you are 100% about it. Bc this is someones life in your hands.

 

I wish you the best in any decision. Everything is going to work itself out. Dont worry...

[HeartGoesOn]

This is your decision, and you have to do what you feel is right, and what you can live with.

 

Also, I've always believed that if two people are resonsible enough to be having sex, they need to first discuss, and be responsible enough to decide what to do should a pregnancy occur. Unfortunately, many people never give this a thought, until it's too late.

 

Whatever you decide to do, he needs to take responsibility, since being a Father doesn't stop at conception.

[SapphireNoir10]

He isnt the one to decide. This is your choice. He's been very unsupportive and immature about it all.

 

I wish you all the best, remember, its your life and your choice.

[seralee]

I spoke with my boyfriend a little bit ago. Ever since I told him I was pregnant, he has been totally distant. We usually spend time together, and now he really doesn't want to see me. I asked him why, and he said he doesn't know if he can see me until I tell him what I am going to do because he doesn't want to get upset. He doesn't realize how his behavior is upsetting me. It is hard enough but having to handle all alone makes it seem so much harder.

 

We have only talked on the phone about everything since he won't see me. I want to go to his house and really talk to him about things but how can I if he is avoiding me? I know he doesn't want another child, but that's it. He has never really said why or what his reasoning is. I wish he would be more open to me, but how can I get him to open up about the situation?

[SapphireNoir10]

He is emotionally blackmailing you into acting how he wants you to act. You are both old enough and ok enough to deal with this.

 

Surely after how hes behaved you dont want a future with him?

[hers]

I'm also questioning if you'd want a future with him. Even if you're not pregnant, this could be a wake up call for you about who is really is and what he's really like.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm also questioning if you'd want a future with him. Even if you're not pregnant, this could be a wake up call for you about who is really is and what he's really like.

 

^^^

Totally agree!

[Hope75]

Oh honey he is being so manipulative and cruel. Honestly, no matter what you decide I hope the way he is behaving makes you seriously reconsider your relationship with him. You got pregnant together- you were not alone in this and the way he is behaving makes me just sick for you.

 

It does not sound like you want to abort this pregnancy, and I hope you won't just to please him. Honestly you are seeing his true colors right now. If it were me I'd take my chances, keep the baby and if he leaves I'd have a paternity test done once the baby is born and seek child support from him.

[TheSmilingTurnip]

What he really means by his distance is: I will with hold affection and attention until I find out you are going to do what I want you to. You said he doesn't realize how his behavior is upsetting you - that's because he's selfish and is only thinking of what he wants or doesn't want...he clearly is not considering your feelings in his decisions about this, is he/

 

Think about what would happen if you went over there. What do you want to happen? Do you want go and see him so that he will comfort you? Do you want him to hold you and tell you things will be ok and that he will support whatever choice you make? If so, is that realistic?

 

Many time we want to get certain kinds of support from our partners but don't realize that our partner is not wired to deliver what we need. Then we may need to seek it elsewhere, like from a friend. Can you get that support from him or do you need to find another source such as a friend to get that support from? Is there someone who is capable of giving you what you need right now, since he is withholding it?

 

By the way, you cannot get him to open up about this. He has already told you what he wants. He's decided. What you really want from him is support. When you think about what him 'opening up' would look like, well, what does it look like?

 

I know you feel that you and your partner are in this together, but I think you can easily see that while you did get pregnant together, when it comes to what to do about it, it really boils down to you, doesn't it? So do you need to decide what you want before you talk to him next?

 

With this particular decision, the women who do what is true to themselves are the ones that fare best before, during, and after. Those who cave to manipulation do not fare well, whether they choose to carry, give up for adoption, or abort. So if you wish to get through this as well as possible, then you know that you must stay true to yourself.

 

He certainly is. You notice he is not worried about what you want. He has made up his mind and now he wants you to do what he wants. He is being true to himself. Not to you. So he is not going to take care of you here. You will have to do that.

 

Big hugs from Nebraska,

Sheila

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I have always felt that bringing a baby should be a decision by both people. Now that I am facing reality, I don't know if that is what I believe anymore. I just don't know how he can be the one to decide for me to get an abortion. I am the one that has to go through the pain. And I know I am the one that may have regrets down the road.

 

It should be a decision by both people - when you're planning for a child, yes. When you're in a committed relationship with someone who is emotionally mature and non-manipulative, who has YOUR and his best interests at heart.

 

I'm not sure how he's convinced you that he gets to decide this. He does not. I know he is older but he is not anyone special in the eyes of the law or in society. He does not decide anything for you. This dude must be manipulating the h*ll out of you.

 

Are you saying that you don't understand him being unwilling to actually talk about this with you and work together to come to a compassionate, reasoned, loving solution? Are you saying you don't understand how he has the b**ls to try and tell you what to do?

[SamiJayne]

If he's avoiding you now, over a pregnancy.. how do you think he's going to be if you abort it? Do you think he'll go back to normal? Knowing that you hesitated in getting rid of it, that you thought about keeping it.

 

I think you need to be very selfish here. I personally don't think the guys going to stick around afterwards.

 

When I was with my ex, I had a pregnancy scare. He turned round told me, he didnt want the child, nor me if I kept it. And I can move out of the house and go home. And if I told anyone the baby was his, well he would tell a lot of lies...

 

So thankfully my period came, and I saw what a true E-git my ex was. So I started planning my move home, stopped paying for his things, stopping loaning him money. Then when he dumped me for it, I was gone.

 

Guys like that are really not worth it. I really think you should think about what YOU want. He hasn't spent any time with you at ALL. It's like you have the plague. He's being a child, a spoilt brat. And your going to encourage that behaviour if you go through with his wishes.

 

Your the one who has to live with what you do, So make sure its a choice YOU want. If your not ready to be a mum, or a single mum then you know what you should do. But if you want to have this baby, and love it. Then you don't need him.

 

I hope you get the news you want on wednesday (Today for me) xxx