Sorry! Another post, please help

[incognito25]

I apologize fellow ENA members for posting again, but I'm really struggling with something that is different from my other recent post. It's not really a new development, but it certainly is developing a lot more lately.

 

I'm finding that I'm quite angry with myself. I keep proclaiming things like "you're such an idiot!" or "how did you ever fall in love with someone like that?" I feel a deep regret, like I should have taken certain small red flags much more seriously in the beginning when I had the chance, when things could have been easier to cut off. I feel like I've been jipped, fooled, that I let myself get conned, but instead of blaming him, I blame myself. Then I think about how long it went on and I get even more upset.

 

Anyone ever get like this? How do I accept it and let go? I find it very difficult, mostly because I'm just so frustrated that I wasn't strong enough to walk away in the beginning when I saw that he was a potentially toxic person. :sad:

[vertigoxo]

Yeah, I know exactly how you feel. I'm going through this as well. Best thing to do is forgive yourself, as you are human and bound to make mistakes, as well as learning from them.

[iLiveWithMyMom]

I feel a deep regret, like I should have taken certain small red flags much more seriously in the beginning when I had the chance, when things could have been easier to cut off. I feel like I've been jipped, fooled, that I let myself get conned, but instead of blaming him, I blame myself. Then I think about how long it went on and I get even more upset.

 

Sometimes supposed little red flags amount to nothing- that's why most of us ignore or rationalize them away. We all do it, men and women, and it doesn't mean we're stupid people. None of us are mind readers- if someone wants to make you believe a lie, chances are that you're going to fall for it.

[SapphireNoir10]

I've made the same mistake in my time thats for sure, but its made me a stronger, better, maybe a bit more wary person.

[alli]

Hindsight is 20/20. I can kind of relate in a different way. Where I work, people sometimes pass out. Today, one of my people did. I felt so bad; she's an 80 year old woman & I felt a little guilty for not catching any warning signs. But I just let her go like everyone else, and next thing I knew she was completely unconscious and had to stay an extra 2 hours lying on a recovery chair on the floor. She did not look like she felt good, and I felt really bad for her. And a little responsible for not seeing it ahead of time.

 

But I really couldn't have known that was going to happen. If I knew then what I know now, I would have done some things differently. But that isn't possible. And I'd like to say I would catch it next time, but the odds are I won't. You just can't know what is going to happen, so stop being so hard on yourself.

[Seymore]

Hindsight is 20/20.

 

This. And forgive yourself. You learned something by looking back, no? It wasn't a waste if you can remember those red flags and spot them if they're present when the next person comes around, right?

 

I think it's ok to beat yourself up over the oversights, but don't be TOO hard on yourself.

[incognito25]

I've been told that I give people too much benefit of the doubt when it's clear I shouldn't. However, like iLiveWithMyMom said, sometimes those red flags do amount to nothing and that is usually my reasoning. Why close someone off when they could be a positive part of your life?

 

It's my nature, I truly believe the best in people until it gets painfully, obviously bad I guess. I kind of like it that way even though it hurts me...but the important thing is that you're right, I can't always predict what will happen, but I can learn afterwards to just be a little more cautious at the very least. C'est la vie...

[Seymore]

There's a reason why they're called red flags and not nothing. It all depends on what you mean by red flags - what the examples are.