How to let down easily

[murman2]

Hello everyone, I recently met this girl online. I'm not really looking for anything in particular but I do have a profile posted on this site, its more of a rating site than a dating site. Anyways, she seemed really genuine, sweet and humble at first so I really wanted to talk to her more, in a friendly way. She mistook the fact that I thought she was sweet and wanted to be friends for "i'm totally into you, and im going to be calling you all the time".

 

Anyways as soon as I gave her my phone number its like she became obsessed, calls me twice a day. I dont think she is a bad person, she's christian and volunteers helping sick children. The first time I talked to her she revealed her secrets to me like how she was raped before.

 

I am going through a real rough patch in my life right now, my grandfather just had surgery today, among other dramatic things going on in my life (read my threads). I am concerned about her, but i know there is nothing i can do for her. I tried letting her go through email in a very literal but nice way, but she only responds with things like, " I understand, I really want to be a part of your life, you can have as much time and space as you need. Even if it is just friends. Please let me be a part of your life."

 

I'm genuinely concerned about this person but i think it might be harmful to her to even have contact with me.. what should I do? Can I say anything to help her?

[indierockgrl]

That is scary....... i would drop all contact with her........ you tried to let her down easy... and she is still being creepy.

 

Yikes.

[metrogirl]

Just don't answer her calls or emails anymore. I don't understand why it would be hard to just walk away. You owe her nothing, you don't even really know her. She could be a axe murderer....(just kidding of course) but you get my point right?

[murman2]

Just don't answer her calls or emails anymore. I don't understand why it would be hard to just walk away. You owe her nothing, you don't even really know her. She could be a axe murderer....(just kidding of course) but you get my point right?

 

ya its not hard for me to walk away.. Thats pretty much the plan. I just know I behaved like that in a way before towards someone, of course that was when i was in high school and I was really naive. Its just sad to see someone else not even know or to have the patience to develop a relationship with a desirable partner. I just think i've been there and may still be there a little, and hate to hurt someone like that, because I can empathize. I stopped talking to her a few days ago.

[real_life_101]

Just offer her friendship, you can never have to many friends. If she decides she does not want that, you have to respect that. Just be clear with her and tell her you dont see anything ever happening between you guys ever. I am sure she may be disappointed, but she will get over it quickly. We all go through it when dating, sometimes you find someone you really like and they dont like you back. There are plenty more fish in the sea for both of you. Hopefully you just didn't let a keeper get away, but you would know that better then me, so use your best judgement...

[MiseryGuts]

When I tried meeting a girl online I had a similar experience, although a little different. It was also on a non-dating site -- more of a site just for meeting people for any reason, really. She seemed like a nice girl but she became very clingy and needy before we even had a chance to meet up. It wasn't so bad at first when it was just e-mail and IM, but once she had my phone number she was calling and texting me constantly. She'd talk for hours about her problems telling me things like how she has a back problem, negative sexual experiences she'd had, family problems, etc. If I didn't answer her calls she would text me asking why I didn't. There were other issues as well, she was obsessed with trying to get me to have phone sex with her and would send me dozens of sexually explicit texts all day long -- I hadn't even met her yet! That didn't bother me so much as the rampant outpouring of her emotional issues and attention seeking.

 

Anyway, when we made plans to meet -- yes, I probably should have known better than to let it get that far -- I cancelled on her because I was worried she'd get seriously clingy if I let her into my life. Anyway, she proceeded to try and make plans with me again, having not got the message. That was probably my fault seeing as though I was afraid to hurt her due to her coming accross as emotionally fragile. Foolishly, I agreed to meet with her again... I just felt so guilty and bad. Again, I had a reality check, this time while waiting over an hour at a bus stop for a late bus due to a major accident on the route. Fate? Anyway, she still seemed to crave attention and kept calling.

 

I decided to just ignore her. I was too afraid to tell her I wasn't interested for fear she might start crying on the phone. I just blocked her e-mails, blocked her on IM, stopped answering her calls, and ignored her texts. After a couple of weeks she stopped calling and texting.

 

My advice, based on that experience is to do the same thing. Don't feel bad and just ignore her, she'll go away. She's not your problem, even if she's trying to make herself your problem. It's better for the needy person to be forced to accept the fact you're not interested. They will hopefully come to realise that the needy approach is driving people away from them and either seek help or sort out the problem themselves. It might seem cold, but I really believe it's in the best interests of the other person to not allow them to lead themselves on.

[Casey13]

Cut off contact immediately

[Ms Darcy]

ya its not hard for me to walk away.. Thats pretty much the plan. I just know I behaved like that in a way before towards someone, of course that was when i was in high school and I was really naive. Its just sad to see someone else not even know or to have the patience to develop a relationship with a desirable partner. I just think i've been there and may still be there a little, and hate to hurt someone like that, because I can empathize. I stopped talking to her a few days ago.

 

It's a nice quality in you that can empathize. We all have unhealthy patches in our lives. Some more than others. Hopefully, she can learn the lesson that healthy men run from her for a reason and move on.