She said that she is bored

[i miss her 2]

Agreed on this.

 

 

Ok, first you were telling me to be nice to her. Now you are just saying to move out?

 

I've been civil these last two days. Just now she was in the bath tub with the door closed when I heard her ask me if I would get her a drink. I thought about saying, "Do you think we can get back together again?" But I didn't. Instead I went in there and gave her the drink. Is she just testing me? Well, I whipped it out in front of her and relieved myself. She couldn't help but stare than she showed me the poison ivy on her. I thought about asking for sex right then and there but I just walked out.

[Ms Darcy]

Ok, first you were telling me to be nice to her. Now you are just saying to move out?

 

I've been civil these last two days. Just now she was in the bath tub with the door closed when I heard her ask me if I would get her a drink. I thought about saying, "Do you think we can get back together again?" But I didn't. Instead I went in there and gave her the drink. Is she just testing me? Well, I whipped it out in front of her and relieved myself. She couldn't help but stare than she showed me the poison ivy on her. I thought about asking for sex right then and there but I just walked out.

 

I'm telling you to move out because you can't handle living with her as evidenced by the yelling incident. And YES she's teasing you. This is bad. You are moving away from each other, not towards.

[i miss her 2]

I'm telling you to move out because you can't handle living with her as evidenced by the yelling incident. And YES she's teasing you. This is bad. You are moving away from each other, not towards.

 

I can't move out because I can't break the lease. That looks bad if I do that. So what can I do to have us move towards each other? This morning I jokingly said, "No kiss?" and she said, "You haven't had one of those in a few days. What makes you think today is the day?" I think she is trying to test me or something. She acts like this whole thing is only temporary based on little things we have talked about that I don't really want to type out at the moment.

[Ms Darcy]

I can't move out because I can't break the lease. That looks bad if I do that. So what can I do to have us move towards each other? This morning I jokingly said, "No kiss?" and she said, "You haven't had one of those in a few days. What makes you think today is the day?" I think she is trying to test me or something. She acts like this whole thing is only temporary based on little things we have talked about that I don't really want to type out at the moment.

 

What do you mean here? Has she said she wants to get back together?

[i miss her 2]

What do you mean here? Has she said she wants to get back together?

 

 

She hasn't come out and said that, but last night I lied and said, "I t hink you were right. We need to be broken up." I could tell that she looked a little surprised/freaked out when i said it. She said, "Why?" And I said, "Because I need to work on myself." She agreed but then I went on to say that I'm doing just fine. If there is any reason why I have been moody lately it's because just two months ago I lost my dad unexpectedly in a car accident. I lost my uncle a year ago who was very close to me. I have been supressing those feelings ever since. She said that I was trying to make her feel guilty and I said that I wasn't...that I was merely stating why I have been moody these last few months.

 

Then she said even before all that tragic stuff happened I was always unable to finish out my school stuff. I told her that is not true. In the time that she has known me I have completed my associate's degree, I have been in a fairly successful band, and I am almost 3/4 of the way done with my album. She uses the fact that I dropped out of majoring in English twice as a reason why I can't finish things. I told her that yes I did drop out and it's because I realized that I could do nothing with the degree. I felt the pressure to get a degree in anything and realized that was a dumb reason to go to school She then used the fact that after I dropped out of English I said I was going to go to online school for web design but I never did. I said yes, this is true but the reason why I didn't do it online is because I realized that I need to be in an actual classroom with other people to ensure that I learn the material. This is why I will be going to an actual school this fall. She then said, "How are you going to take 4 classes this fall and work full time?" She said she doesn't believe I can do it. I said that I can do it and that was it.

 

So, this morning when I talked to her she said, "You're the one who said yourself that we need to be a part for a while." When she say's "for a while" I really do believe that she wants to be with me again someday. I'm not gonna deny this but as needy as I may seem right now. I do believe that I am a real catch and I think she will realize eventually and be upset when I am gone. She has never been with anyone as long as she has been with me. Almost every other guy she has been with has turned out to be a real a**. I don't know, don't you ever just trust your instincts and believe that you are meant to be? Or that you can tell the person deep down wants to see if you can change. I really get that message from her. And sorry but I don't have the time or patience to write down every little thing that is said between us or every little action that takes place.

[Ms Darcy]

So you broke up with her. Oh well.

 

If it were me, I would have said something like "I want marry you. I want to make a commitment to spend my life with you and to work through any issues. But since you broke up with me, I have to move on." That's letting you know what you want without waiting forever.

[i miss her 2]

So you broke up with her. Oh well.

 

If it were me, I would have said something like "I want marry you. I want to make a commitment to spend my life with you and to work through any issues. But since you broke up with me, I have to move on." That's letting you know what you want without waiting forever.

 

I probably will say that before she really goes.

 

Technically I didn't really break up with her because this morning I told her I think we should still be together.

 

Anyway, I'm trying to distract myself. I know it sounds crazy but I have been looking on dating sites. Is this wrong? I'm also looking into doing some volunteer work and I'm about to start working on a puzzle.

[Ms Darcy]

Oh well. It looks pretty over with her in the long run so I don't see a problem with getting on a dating site.

 

I only suggested my line as an alternative to what you said. Saying that is very wishy washy. But you'll do whatever you want anyways.

[loulee]

Sounds like you two need to fill your fun bags...... all work and no play at the moment..Go do some fun silly goofy things together. They dont need to be an expense, a day down the park and a picnic are an example...break the monotony and be spontaneous.

[i miss her 2]

Sounds like you two need to fill your fun bags...... all work and no play at the moment..Go do some fun silly goofy things together. They dont need to be an expense, a day down the park and a picnic are an example...break the monotony and be spontaneous.

 

I know, thats what I think. You think this could help things? Should I ask her in advance if she would like to do this sometime? She seems so busy lately...might need to plan a day to do something.

[loulee]

know, thats what I think. You think this could help things? Should I ask her in advance if she would like to do this sometime? She seems so busy lately...might need to plan a day to do something.

Dont ask her.. surprise her !!!..have everything ready for example for a a picnic..make it yourself..put the effort in..take the initiative ..women like that...grab a bottle of wine..tell her to get ready and go!!...Its these little things that can help us re connect and value each other more...good luck

[i miss her 2]

know, thats what I think. You think this could help things? Should I ask her in advance if she would like to do this sometime? She seems so busy lately...might need to plan a day to do something.

Dont ask her.. surprise her !!!..have everything ready for example for a a picnic..make it yourself..put the effort in..take the initiative ..women like that...grab a bottle of wine..tell her to get ready and go!!...Its these little things that can help us re connect and value each other more...good luck

 

Finally someone with a positive attitude!

 

Well, it's kinda too late to "surprise" her. But I just now asked her for our coupon book. She asked me why and then I turned to the page that has coupons for this go kart place that we have never been to. I said, "Would you like to go here with me? I would like to take you there." She smiled and said "Yes, it will be a while though because I am busy lately." I'm hoping this will help things. I am giving her space and focusing more on myself too and I think she can see that. I'm not gonna force anything on her and I'm not gonna make any demands. Just patience and love.

[Ms Darcy]

Sounds like you two need to fill your fun bags...... all work and no play at the moment..Go do some fun silly goofy things together. They dont need to be an expense, a day down the park and a picnic are an example...break the monotony and be spontaneous.

 

Have you read the entire thread? I can understand this is you read the first post, but as you go on I think you'll see some interesting developments.

[i miss her 2]

Someone needs to stop me I think. I have never gone up to her work before (she is a cook at a restaurant). I know she always wanted me to, so I'm seriously thinking about going today. I'm gonna embarrass myself and I don't even care.

[drewciouS281]

dude take and show initiative you care but in baby steps. dont rush things or you may scare her away or she may feel smothered.

[i miss her 2]

dude take and show initiative you care but in baby steps. dont rush things or you may scare her away or she may feel smothered.

 

So, don't go to her work? She would be really surprised because I have never gone there.

 

If I don't do that, I was thinking about just leaving her a note that say's "I love you."

 

I'm not gonna see her all weekend basically...so I thought we could just part ways with that.

[i miss her 2]

Well, I've been keeping my distance and she is starting to come around more. She even cleaned the apartment up really nice ( she had been trashing it for a bit). She apologized to me for kind of blowing me off the other night (she thought I wanted to talk about "things" when she was getting ready to go to her friends house. I'm not gonna bother posting about it). I just said, "Ok, that's cool."

 

I've been going out and doing my own thing. I went out to a barbeque last night. My friends seem to think that I can get her back. All I need to do is act like I don't care about this break up and just be myself and do my thing. We have a few more months left here and it's not like she has even made any kind of attempt to looking into getting another place or packing up her stuff and leaving.

 

This morning she and I stared at each other for almost a minute like we couldn't take our eyes off one another. She looked kind of sad maybe. She said goodbye twice and then she left. I just said goodbye. I didn't try to talk about things or anything like that. My friend said that I just need to be really positive and focus on myself. She'll probably come around and she's probably thinking about me now too. We have been together for almost 4 years, how could she not be?

 

Now I'm not gonna say that we'll get back together for sure, but all I really want is positive feedback or a positive outlook/plan on how to go about pursuing things. My friend did say that maybe I should even tell her that we need to figure out the lease (cause she never brings it up) and not show any emotion when I mention it. Just act like I'm totally cool with it. I'm not sure if I think this is a good idea. My other friend, however, who is a girl say's to just wait it out a bit and that my gf might actually be "testing" me right now. This is exactly what my friend did to her bf not too long ago. She say's it doesn't sound like we are "officially" broken up because nobody has made plans to leave. We had some words and now we're kind of keeping to ourselves, etc. I do, however, feel bad about deleting her from myspace and facebook. I don't know what to do about that other than say that I no longer use facebook (which is basically true). But myspace..she knows I use that because it's a music page.

[savignon]

I just read this whole 10 page thing and I think what keeps striking me is that even though you want to be with her, you're the one who originally suggested moving out, you're the one who said you has to move on, you're the one who may start looking at dating sites, deleted her from myspace and FB.... You're not being honest or communicating well. You say she lit up when you mentioned marriage, but all you mention is breaking up and moving on. If I were her, I'd be looking for something positive from you, which is ironic since you say in one of your last posts that you're looking for something positive.

Through the first 2 pages, you're not clear about wanting to be with her and she had said she was bored, etc. and you seem to just want things to stay the same while she's trying to throw up some red flags. You seem content to just stay there with no direction, all the way up until your lease ends in four months. That could be a big turnoff for her, especially since you mention all the moving on and you're acting like you don't care and then throw out a hug or an "I love you".....very confusing.

You started this with the "Fine, then I'll move out". Make a bold move to get her back if that's what you want or move out.

The status quo bit is getting old for ME, and I'm just reading about it I can't imagine how she feels!

Best wishes....go get her!!

[i miss her 2]

You started this with the "Fine, then I'll move out". Make a bold move to get her back if that's what you want or move out.

The status quo bit is getting old for ME, and I'm just reading about it I can't imagine how she feels!

Best wishes....go get her!!

 

 

yes, I know I did! I * * * * ing hate myself for it! You have no idea how * * * * ing depressed I am right now! Even one of the nights that me and her talked she asked me why I had said that and I told her that I was feeling insecure in that moment and I did not mean it! It doesn't matter to her though I guess. And about the facebook/myspace thing...I don't know...should I send her another friend request or would that just looks stupid?

 

What kind of bold move can I make to get her back exactly?

[i miss her 2]

Bold move...you mean like stand outside the window with a boombox and sing to her? Write her a song? A guy I work with told me that I should just randomly take her on a trip but I don't really have money for that at the moment.

[savignon]

Well, "bold" and "courageous" are going to be simply putting your heart on the line and asking her to stay and acknowledging that she feels bored and finding out what you can do about it. Take responsibility for being immature and saying things you didn't mean. Tell her you love her and want her in your future (if you mean it) and ask her if she'lll work through this with you and make a commitment to stop saying "I'm outta here" at the slightest sign of a battle. TAKE A RISK, basicially, by being HONEST instead of playing these BS games of who trying to show that you care less than she does.

That would be romantic enough for me. And as an aside, we girls aren't as hard to please as we may seem. A pizza and a bottle of wine can be romantic just because you made the EFFORT and thought of it yourself....even if it doesn't cost any money. My fiance had NO money when my bday came around and he made me a flower out a balloon and framed a picture of us with some scrapbooking paper I have....you think I cared that it wasn't a trip or a day out or an expensive dinner? That's not what it's all about.

Stop feeling sorry for your financial and education situation and JUST DO SOMETHING!! Make a gesture, speak your heart....

JUST DO IT instead of thinking about it, talking about it, writing about it.....JUST DO IT!!!

(read that like 'peppy/cheerleadery' not like 'bully/angry')

[i miss her 2]

Ok, so she use to always cut my hair and right before we broke up she said I was gonna have to have someone else do it. Well, yesterday I came home with my haircut and she said, "Oh no...it's so s hort." She always liked my hair long. I was just thinking, what does it matter if her and I aren't together anymore anywy? So then she kind of nervously asked who cut it and I told her I went to a salon.

 

After that I left for the evening to try out for a new band. When I came home, the couple next door to us were fighting really hardcore. The guy is a freakin psycho. I said something to my ex like, "We aren't like that now are we?" And she said no we are not. We kind of laughed about them together and she stood right next to me and looked out the window. She was so close to me that I wanted to grab her and hug her but I guess I shouldn't do anything like that right?

 

So she then asked me what I was doing Wednesday and I said I might have practice but I wasn't sure. She said she had two free tickets for a concert (she will be writing a review of it) and she wanted to know if I wanted to go. She then said that if I co uldn't go that she co uld find someone else. I said I would go and then I went to my room.

 

I passed out on the bed later and she came in there and put the cat right next to me. Once again, I wanted to just touch her and have her get in the bed with me but I didn't. She slept on the couch again. I did go over there and I just said real calmly, "You can sleep on the bed if you want." She said, "I know." and then I said, "Ok." She left this morning without saying goodbye and that was it. I know I won't even see her until late tonight because she is starting a writer's group with her friends from english and I know one of the guys probably likes her. There is nothing I can do about it though right?

[i miss her 2]

I forgot to mention that before that happened I had read one of her papers that she wrote for her english class. It was laying out on the floor. It was about us only she used different names. It was about this time that she had brought a porn home and had it playing so I would walk in an see it. Yes, I did act kind of surprised/freaked out that she had it playing but she was in the other room laughing like it was suppose to be a joke. In the paper she say's that she had gotten tired of our sex life and wanted to try other things to spice it up like watching videos. It say's that she mentioned getting a video but anytime she did mention that I would act disgusted (not true at all, what she doesn't know is that I watch porn all the time). And then it say's in her paper that I got weirded out by the video and she thought maybe I was jealous that she saw another guy and then I proceeded to show my stuff to prove that I'm bigger. It say's in her paper that "plan A" worked.

 

What I am getting from her paper is that she wanted me to be more sexually aggressive, but that makes no sense because I would try to have sex with her all the time. I would always get her ready to go but in the end she would only want oral sex because that is all that gets her off and it's been that way with any guy. And yes, I am very well hung so that is not the issue...in fact she always say's that I'm too big to go all the way in her.

 

So I can see she wants more adventure in the sex department, but if she won't even let me touch her now...what am I supposed to do? Some of my friends said that I should just grab her and be aggressive with her (Not rape) and others are saying to just hold off for a while because she might be coming around again). I'm just so confused...I don't know what the hell she wants.

[WouldntBeMe]

She's already with someone else. You just don't know it. :sad:

[thejigsup]

Yep, I would bet on that myself. Move on sir, you are just going to end up getting hurt.