Seems like I should be getting somewhere, Somehow I'm neither here no there

[Suesser]

Where to start...

 

Maybe this part. I used to tell my gf that we should get married, live together, etc. She always refused, later she said, maybe a couple years down the road...

 

Somehow one day we were talking and she told me that she wants to get married...

 

Fine, I got what I wanted? Nah, seems that I've always been a comitmentphobic on the inside. At this point I don't even know if I like her, everything I used to like about her has turned around and I don't like it too much anymore. When I think of her I miss her, when I'm with her, I'm thinking of the time to leave...

 

 

I always thought I would get married young, as I didn't want to be the old fart driving his kids to school. Yet I don't feel ready for it, and I'm 30 at this point.

 

Something is missing. No matter what, everytime I achieve something I wanted I realize there is even more ahead. So why settle? When is it enough?

 

Enough of what? I don't even know what is missing...

 

 

There is emptiness, a feeling of dissatisfaction with life...

This life feels too...

 

vain.

 

I miss places I haven't been to. How come a folk song from a country on the other side of the world got me to cry like a little kid? Why home doesn't feel like home? Why do I feel at home on a totally different country, where I can't even find my way as I can't read the signs on the street?

 

 

It's a weird feeling, or a weird bunch of feelings together. Chasing the unknown while living a life I can't relate to... that's my life.

[DropToZero]

Happiness is like a bully in the school yard... every time you think you've found it, he takes a step back and draws another line...

 

There's a reason it's called "the pursuit of happiness..."

 

Happiness is in the moment, and like you said, you seem to perceive it as achieving something... and then it escapes you again, only so you see it enough for a short period of time to feel it and then you realize it's an empty feeling.

 

Happiness is the HERE and NOW, that's what most people don't get. You seem to think you're only existing, and at 30... you're realizing this rather later in life than most, I did it within the last 2 years and I'm only 23. ... and some people never figure it out either.

 

If you seek, you will find... and simply that means you're only going to find what you're looking for. If you're looking for a meaning, you will find one, I found my purpose in God after years of atheism, that may not be your choice, I'm just telling you how I began to find mine.

 

If you don't start looking soon though, existing will begin to bother you to a point where you may not feel the need to live, because you find no purpose in what you do each and every day... so I suggest you look deeper.

 

 

 

So what do you do, why do you get up each and every morning? What's the reasoning? Is it only because the sun lights the day... or is there something more?