KINKY SEX TIPS NEEDED!!!

[mermayd]

My bf and I have tried quite a few different thing sexually. I think we both want to spice things up in our sex life. But I dont know what or how to do it. I feel like we have done most everything that people usually think of as "kinky" or "risque" or "dirty". We havent done EVERYTHING you can think of, but we really arent comfortable with the whole role-playing thing and pain. I have suggested bondage but he hasnt taken the offer. I also love sex in public places...or just out of the home. He doesnt want to do that. He wants our sex to be more kinky and exciting, but I feel that I am open to ideas and give suggestions, but nothing ever happens with it. He wants ME to be creative and think of things I want him to do or have done to me. I have always been the "Pleaser" in my past relationships and I honestly have no clue what I like others to do to me. I know very well what I like to do to myself. But I have never been given the offer. I want him to give me some ideas or inform me of what is out there that I may be unaware of. But he want it to come straight from me.

I feel like Im going in circles. I dont think I am boring in the least. We have tried almost any position we can think of. We have included toys. We have been in different rooms. He's not a romantic guy so nix that one.

So, in a nutshell, what can I do, or what ideas are there that I can incorporate into our sex life? We hardly even have sex anymore anyway. I think it may be due in part to the above reasons, but recently, I get riled up and then I know that I will be asked to tell him what I want and I can't think of anything and I end up getting completely turned off instead.

 

Someone please please help me out! I have been trying to get ideas for MONTHS and nothing has surfaced or worked!

[ophelan]

I don't have an answer for you, per se, but another question. You say your boyfriend keeps asking you what you want, and wanting you to make a decision about what to do (with regards to kinky stuff). Is this is usual attitude? For instance, does he want you to make the decisions about other things as well, unrelated to sex?

[Sebulous]

hehe, what ophelan is getting at is wanting to know if your BF might be interested in a woman in charge. I love it when a woman is aggresive. It really shows she wants you instead of you thinking that she is just laying there taking it.

[may55]

If this helps:

 

An old old boyfriend of mine was always complaining about our sex life saying it was not exciting enough. I kept trying to do different things to spice it up and ended up never pleasing him. He always seemed to ruin any kinky idea I had. I realized in the end that it was more about him than me. He was uncomfortable with his own sexuality (I don't mean sexual orientation here, I mean his sexual confidence). I also know that I was far kinkier than him when it came to sex, probably because I was more comfortable with myself.

 

Why not do something where he can feel secure enough about sharing a fantasy of his with you? Maybe stroke his ego a bit and tell him how sexy you find him or how much he pleases you in bed. Go slow on this. Try to build him up to feeling comfortable with you. It may take some time.

 

remember sex can make a person very vunerable. Sounds like he is not opening up much to you - he may have some trust issues or something. Or maybe he is just a jerk - I dunno!

 

Good luck!

[laroxes]

Not knowing everything you've tried we can only start by suggesting anal sex. Then of course you can go in a shower & give each other a golden shower. You can show him close up how a girl pleasures herself. If you're willing & comletely trust him you can let him take photos or tape of you while making love.

[melrich]

Hi Mermayd, this is an interesting question. Very few people enjoy kinky activity for the sake of being kinky. What is kinky to one person may be the another persons worst nightmare so while you may get lots of suggestions, you need to be careful about introducing your partner to them. Anal sex is a good example, some people love it and others are totally grossed out about it. But I will say that just about everyone has at least one sexual fantasy they have grown up with. Many people will not disclose their fantasy because they are embarrassed by it, no matter how harmless it is. It is often easier to admit our ultimate sexual fanatsy when someone else actually brings it up. I would suggest you have a few drinks with your partner and have a fun chat about different sexual fantasies, see which one he responds to best, (i would not mention any that you are uncomfortable with). Some examples maybe, shaving, anal, role-playing, watersports, tantric, crossdressing, light bondage, submissive/dominance, infantilism etc. The other thing you should be aware of is that sometimes when people finally get to act out their fantasy, they don't actually enjoy it, so set the rules upfront, if you start something that one of you doesn't enjoy, stop it. You can PM me if you need more details.

[salinger]

You say you know very well what you like to do to yourself, you sound pretty uninhibited, have you tried doing these things in front of him? That usually gets things off to a great start.

[bubblerider]

Well I have a kinky sex games book, its pretty short but it might help a little if you haven't tried any of them yet. But try to find out what his fantasies are if he will talk about it with you. When you're out together and you feel the urge to have sex look at him with a sexy smile and say hey baby wanna go back to my place (or his) and have some fun. Just try to do all kinds of different things and see what he responds to. Maybe he's not having as such a strong sex drive. Just because you have tried all the positions doesn't mean stop having sex just make sure you both are pleased when you're done. Anyway here's the things the book says just the titles it pretty much explains it all: a sexy outfit... Mask or blindfolds is a good start for creating a sensuous mood.. Rubbing ice all over him or change it up and use something hot not HOT but Luke warm just make sure you use all the senses...Vibrators…sitting on a washing machine…champagne and altiods blowjob…massage….tie ups…spanking…tickling (feathers)…nozzles and jets….Videos…bubble baths…eating each other up…painting with edible paints different size brushes and bristles so it creates a different feeling with every one you use….sexy clothes… also not wearing underwear in places letting him find out you aren't and see what happens…special showers, taking a shower with all your clothes on and then pealing them off while all wet making out….sneaky places, if you're not ready to do it in public places sometimes just next to an open window gives you the same feelings…mirrors…strip poker or other games.. extended foreplay…Ice cream…mentholated mouths for oral sex…textures and temperatures… quickies as in wearing the right clothes in public can make for easy quickies like no panties and a hole in the pants…slave for an hour….hot and cold lips…light and dark sides, varying the amount of light in the place you enjoy your sex can vary the experience as well. If you used to dark try the place in the light….straw blowing take a straw and gently blow all over your lovers body maybe try a little water in the straw to create a good feeling…water games….sexy wrap up (lol) wrap your lover in plastic wrap not to tightly and leave some places for the body to breathe so your partner doesn't die or something. And then cut out hold in all the good spots and make love to them. The bodies are totally visible and exposed but still somehow encased it's a very sexy theme with interesting feelings and people who are into plastic and vinyl are going to love it……. Flashers both of you go someplace with nothing but an overcoat no underwear nothing. Just totally naked underneath discover crazy places where you can have sex.

[GeeCee]

Mermayd

 

From what you are saying - you are fairly easy-going and unihibited about sex, you have made suggestions and he has rubbished them, you can and do please yourself. Hmmm .... he is putting some pressure on you to come up with the goods!! I wonder if he is the one with the problem. Is he, perhaps, more inhibited about sex. Does he rubbish your ideas to give him a sense of power? What is he like in terms of other areas of the relationship.

 

I think that you two need to produce a really calm and sensual environment and talk about the bigger picture.

 

Good luck.

 

G xx