Shy talker on the phone and me

[KG]

I've a friend who is setting me up with his cousin, with his parents help and support. He has told me tons of things about her, and it will be just a "let's get to know each other" situation from the get go. Just to see if there is any compatibility.

 

The trouble is this. While she is very outgowing, she is very, very shy on the phone. I decided to stop seeing someone lately because was very shy 24/7, which left long voids in our dates.

 

So I'd like some advice on what to do when I call her, tonight or tomorrow. I mean, how do you deal with setting something up, or even getting to know someone, when they don't speak much over the phone?

 

BTW, she knows I'm going to call, gave them the OK to pass along my number.

 

TIA,

KG

[COtuner]

Ask a lot of simple questions that don't require long or drawn out answers, would be my suggestion. Would you rather go to a movie or maybe meet for dinner and drinks? How about I pick you up around 7, or would you rather meet me there? I've heard you do such and such for a living, how do you like it?

[hers]

Do you need to talk on the phone? Can you bypass the phone stage and go straight for a date? I hate talking on the phone and tense up and get all quiet, but in person i'm really talkative. Maybe that's teh case with her?

[tiredofvampires]

I don't think the phone is a really good vehicle at all as an ice-breaker for conversation. In fact, I think it's about the worst. With writing, you can pause to think of things to say (when you're nervous or thinking) without looking slow, at least. The phone is the awkwardness of a first meeting or first conversation minus body language or any external input to stimulate the conversation.

 

I would suggest that you use the phone not to have an introductory conversation outside of getting efficiently to the point -- that is, to suggest a better way to talk, i.e., get together somewhere for an activity. As you know, KG, from my previous advice, I think just sitting and trying to talk is a tough situation. So I think a good first call would be a basic, "Hi, how are you...I've had a long week, how was yours? yada yada yada, hey listen, I could use a ________ this weekend, would you like to join me?"

 

You might even throw in, "I'm not a huge phone fan" (with a disarming laugh, of course). That might relieve her a bit and warm her up.

 

If you get to chatting after that, then great. If not, you can back up and review plans to meet.

[tiredofvampires]

^^Haha, hers, I saw your post after I posted mine...same exact thing, here.

[KG]

My friend just called to tell me that she had asked if I was going to call. He said I would, soon. Then he added that she was nervous about being shy on the phone. He replied " Heck, KG will do all the talking, so don't worry...lol!" He said she sounded relieved.

 

Will call her tonight.