low self esteem..why?

[top bloke]

Guys I feel the need to help someone i know.They have low self esteem and look for others to feel good. Then they lose interest. Its a lady..and I wonder can I help this person? Can I say something to help them? It is a sad state of affairs that she goes from boyfriend to boyfriend never happy.. what gives? Is their anyting I can say so she genuinely realises she human and each of us is worthy?

Its a real life challenge id like to try but dont know how? Should I keep away? As you know I am married but would be great to break the cycle? ANy ideas?

[OmegaMan]

My call:

 

You can't do it for her and it won't happen overnight.

 

This is something she must succeed on her own. No amount of words will change her mind until she decides to.

 

It will require a lot of work, determination and changing the way she thinks.

 

As to why... I have no clue. Everybody's different. She has her own reasons.

[COtuner]

Hey TB, welcome back It takes her finding something in her own life to build her self esteem before she can break the cycle. You know some of what I have been through, and I can state that this is what works. She has to break the external dependency little by little, replace it with internal, but you can't just go cold turkey. It's hard. Help her get excited about something she wants to do or learn, and encourage her to go through with it.

[SilverManic]

Yes you can help her but it takes time.

Alot of women have no self esteem because they have been treated badly in relationships. I got into a stable relationship and gained some of my selfesteme back. But some women no matter what will fool themselves into thinking they are worthless. My mother for example still lets men walk over her.

I hope you can help. But it all lays with if she wants to be helped.

[top bloke]

Hey Cotuner Thanks for your insight.. Silver manic yes youre right too .Cant help anyone who doesnt want it. Omega man..it seems like it may a bit beyond me...dam I was hoping my words could stir the neeed for change but cant force it.

Cotuner..Im gonna chat to this person one on one and see what she does really like so that I can help nudge her focus to whats inside...hmm..this is whats missing ..you are right as normal..thanks

[top bloke]

Well bugger me your advice is working..I am glad it is too. Looks like a soul may be saved in the process yah!! I basically realised you cant force the issue and so my tact was to lead her into thinking about her ways and what is missing in her life to get the brain moving away from the superficial satisfaction and towards more meaningful things.. I dont know where its gonna go but dam its great to see the positive reaction

[angakoq]

top bloke her action/ approach towards relationships may look superficial but there are always more serious, although hidden, internal issues that drive.

[top bloke]

I know there are deeper issues and its going to need an effort but why not? Most people sit behind a playstation3 longer so what the heck..one soul is worth it lol

[penelope13]

tb, as others have said first the person herself has to realize/ be confronted with the necessity that a change is required. Many people superficially/ consciously say that they want to change something, but subconsciously they are not ready/ don't believe that a change is really needed. Mainly because even for people who are in seemingly difficult emotional situations, they have some kind of system/ someone who gives them the minimum amount of energy to continue in their path.

 

The only way to help someone is helping them to help themselves. You cannot do that. You cannot take on the responsibility to guide them through the process, you can support, but you can't do it for them. The risk of them transferring their emotional needs onto you is very high. Thus while supporting them you have to express (not in words, but in your actions) that you are not going to be their emotional recharger; it's truly a fine line.

 

One of the problems with trying to help someone is also, that people usually are willing to take a hard look at their own behavior only after they have hit rock bottom. And the definition of rock bottom might be very different for people. It's quite amazing actually what some people are willing to endure before they reach that point.

[top bloke]

The boundaries are drawn penelope but yes you are correct people must want to change. I am here to bring that realisation to life ...so she does it.