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We are still in touch


MarkGeo

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Heya need a little advice please,

 

in short, met a wonderful girl, when we talked hours would go by like 7 hours would disappear, we had same sense of humour, she listened to me, and asked questions about all my interests, we gazed into each other eyes without speaking, went on romantic dates and held hands all the time, we went out all in all for 2 months, culminating in me staying at her family home on the other side of the country for 5 days... her mum liked me and we got on really well as did all her friends, we also had plans to go paris in the summer and all other things...and right up to the point where we left each other at the train station we got on really well and she even turned back round after leaving me after we had kissed, to wave me off,

 

but then the next week she was a bit delayed on the replies to texts, very delayed infact, and I sensed something was wrong n phoned her up to ask, she said she was only 19 n just got to uni and wanted to experience that, didnt think she was ready for a relationship yet and that it had all gone a bit fast and in short I didnt argue with her, I said I understood and asked if she wanted to split up and she said she thought it was for the best, later I texted her and said that I thought we had something special and that I had met alot of girls and seen alot of relationships but none were as good as what we had, she replied that she wanted to give me a good answer and not mess me about and asked if she could sleep on it.

 

next day she replied and said she thought we are good together but she has to go with her gut and end this for her. I called her up and eventually got her to answer, we talked a bit and I accepted what she said and texted her and told her I enjoyed our time together and not to worry about me etc

 

next day I sent her a facebook msg just going over some things as we hadnt discussed it properly I assured her I would accept her decision but offered her some solutions n told her to just let me know if she ever thought they would be possible, told her how great she was and to take care,

 

the monday was day after easter and woulda been a special day for us too, 13th of all days lol anyway I txtd her to tell her to answer the door the next day as a card was coming for her mum (which she knew I was sending with £20 gift vouchers and thankyou note) and told her I hoped she had a nice easter, she replied and said she will answer the door she hoped I had a nice easter too and that I had eaten more chocolate than she had! I left it at that as didnt want to be over the top.

 

on the thursday I texted her to tell her I hoped her work was going well, (her exams are coming up) then when i got home I saw that she had changed our relationship status on facebook, so texted to apologise told her I had been at training and hadnt seen it, as I didnt want her to think that was why i texted, then realising it was silly and we needed to just talk properly and get closure I asked her to come on msn, the next day she replied and said she was glad i wanted to be friends and she would try and come on msn later, only later she texted and said she couldnt come on as her and her mum were having trouble with an online form, I said it was ok and was going sleep then anyway as I was tired and told her to take care....

 

I left it over a week and sent her simple msg on facebook with a link to an historical story, that I had come accross that she would be interested in as she is a history student.. she replied and joked about seeing a mcdonalds in the picture and said a few things in a usual way she speaks, she always keeps the smily and "x x x " not that it means much, but she isnt being blunt.

 

anyway then on monday she came to dance class, I did my stretching and didnt look at her properly just glimpsing in the mirror, then I got up to stretch and then turned round to her and she came over and we both smiled and talked, she said her mum was over the moon with the card and was going to call me but decided not to (for obvious reasons I am guessing) and although I judged the situation and went and talked to other people, me and her laughed and talked and trained together for 2 hours, my friend who saw it said it was just like usual. anyway I have left it at that n shall see her at next weeks training..... none of my friends have experienced this, usually they say the person wont reply ever, or will be all reserved etc, I know it doesnt mean she will get back with me, but what does her actions signal to you, or has anyone had similar situation, answers please I could really use some help as this is my first proper relationship and I am her first real boyfriend too!

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I'm in the same situation pretty much. Same age. We're both 20. She's away at school. We did long distance for 4 months out of 7. We both fell in love. But, she said she wasn't ready for as serious a relationship as we were getting into and that she was too young to commit (the distance was hard too). Now, we talk just as much as we did when we were together and she just wants to remain as close. It seems to me you're in pretty much the same situation is me and here are the conclusions I've come to in the past month.

 

She really does care about you. If you're going to stay in contact with her, there is a chance you'll get back together, but don't continue talking if you're talking to her still just so you two can possibly get back together in the future because there is a chance that being close friends is the most that will come out of the situation. If you can't just be friends, then this may be a painful process in the end. I'm not saying move on, but if the opportunity comes up to date then go with it. She's not going anywhere and if the right time comes when you both are single and ready for a serious relationship she'll know what you had was special and will be willing to give it another shot, especially knowing you were kind and caring enough to respect her decision. But, if not, you'll have lived life and enjoyed yourself and made yourself a better person in the meantime. A win-win situation from my perspective.

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She's young, you're young, you still have a friendship but she's made it absolutely clear she doesn't see a future with you at the moment.

 

Although it's not clear what changed her mind you have to live with this. As long as you are not too clingy and can remain friends with her without expecting more, I agree with the other poster.

 

A lot of advice on here would recommend you go NC (no contact), but that's if seeing her/communicating with her is too painful for you and you need some time to heal. It also seems that you are going to come accross her regularly in things like dance classes so that's not an option.

 

I think you are handling yourself really well at the moment. Carry on and keep your friends, hobbies, studying going so you are not thinking about her all the time. She may come to realise that you had a very good thing going and want it back. Best of luck.

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Thankyou both for you advice, I definitely intend to give her space, thing was we created our own little world this is what I have come to realise, ie we would go on all these adventures every week just the two of us and wasnt aware of anyone else during this time.... I have realised that was a bad idea, I am starting to spend more time with my friends than I even did before I met her!

 

I actually have fallen in love with her, it's weird cause the shock and sadness has cleared to a good degree but the love is still remaining, so have decided I definitely do, I had stupidly told her that I loved her when we were together, the first time she put her fingers onto my shoulder and her eyes melted and she asked "really?" I assured her yes and then we kissed... the second time was when I stayed at hers, we had been intimate and a little later I told her again, she asked "really again" and this time I said to her that she didnt need to say it back to me until the time was right and the assured her also that she didnt even need to at the moment she could just continue liking me, at which point she exclaimed "Oh I moore than like you!!!"

 

when I saw her this week at training and she was friendly, I noticed that she looked directly into my eyes as she spoke to me, and a few times I saw her eyes sparkle! that isnt in my imagination btw lol but I dont take it to mean a great deal as anything could be going on in her head!

 

This monday is the last dance class of the year, as they all have their exams, me and her are giving each other our stuff back, though I have asked to borrow her book longer so as to read it, I also told her I had gotten something for her before we split and still want her to have it, it is really nice fairy dreamcatcher as she has trouble sleeping often and bad dreams, hopefully she will appreciate the gesture.

 

But after that I am going to go No contact for a month until after the exams are finished... before we split we had planned to go loads of places, one of the simple ones was that she had never been toys r us of all places lol so am gonna wait the month and then see if she wants to do that and then go for a walk by the river trent as friends. dont know if this sounds like a good idea?

 

Thankyou for your advice both of you, it does help me expand my concept on the whole situation more am definitely going to concentrate on improving myself more and spending lots of time with my friends, I truly believe that if it is real which my heart and gut tell me it is then out of the length of a lifetime, waiting a while cant necessarily be a bad thing

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