On the receiving end of NC...

[longdist]

Wow Prisa, your situation sounds very similar to my current one.. only I think my chance of reconciling is a lot slimmer. I guess I'm about to go a little off topic, but feel like telling my story.

 

My ex and I also never told each other that we loved each other. However, we fell for each other quick w/ no dating. We were together 4-1/2 years and also had people planning out our wedding. I had my guard up the whole time. I had some pretty serious trust issues stemming from previous "girlfriends". Plus we were dating long distance, making it very hard to put my guard down. Eventually I caused her to keep building an emotional wall between us. Last year I felt like we had both fallen out of "love" because of this. So I started to really test things in the relationship to see if she really loved me, if we were postponing the inevitable breakup. So this basically caused her to drift away. Her guard is fully up and mine has dropped completely. She tells me she doesn't want to take the effort to let her's back down. I can't blame her. I feel like I poisoned the relationship, looking back. I guess one day if we live close to each other, maybe we can see where things stand, but otherwise I don't see her letting me in. I think I emotionally broke up with my ex long ago and she just finally realized it, not that any of this is what I wanted.

 

I think if you love your ex, this is the opportunity to make it work. However, don't become someone you're not. The only thing is I think you wil lhave to change to some degree. It sounds like you are anti-communication. This won't ever allow a healthy relationship. The guy will always feel left out in the cold eventually.

[Parisa]

i think i've grown up a lot and have realised a lot of things. i have changed so much in my mentality. he really is an amazing guy and it's sad it took a break up for me to realise that. he has said to me that his feelings for me are getting stronger by the day but when i do something small and fall into an old habit it just reminds him of how much hurt im capable f causing him. since he told me this i have been very well behaved and have given him no reason to doubt my feelings. i've realised that i need to show him i love him regardless of the situation we're in because that's something i have to learn. that love isn't a gift, it's not quantified, or given and received accordingly, it just is. and the more i accept that the happier i am within. i've spent so long playing games and writing rules that i'm all spent now, i just want to accept how i feel whatever the consequences.

[agtc]

bumping this thread

[SighSob]

screw your ex.....go NC and never look back....that's what I did and it feels right, IDC if my ex lost respect for me - she's surprised that I still don't want to see/hear from her - my point is not showing her that I've become a stronger person...my point is to move on.

[Tanzi]

 

I agree with what you have said to an extent, but I want to add something because I think your ex took NC too far.

 

 

Perhaps he didn't take it too far ... perhaps his whole purpose of NC was to heal and move on. For us "dumpees" full NC is sometimes what we need to be able to do so. Perhaps thats what he needed.

 

Or was the point of meeting up for reconcilliation still?

[Boarderguy1411]

I think you are a good example of exactly why people should go NC and never look back.

 

 

It took me awhile to accept this, but i 100% agree.