dikaia880 Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 Yeah, I think it's time to stop calling, I've been making the attempts the last week or two...She did call me twice sunday, one of which was her friend she was with leaving a message, I take that as good as they must have brought me up somehow before the call (as I doubt it was hey I'll call Jon from your phone) and then she called sunday night...maybe i should have answered it. Oh well, This is what I now not sure of doing...do I let her contact me, and only then do i tell her I will be there? Or do i send a quick email.. "Hey, just thought I'd let you know I'm going up there this weekend. I'm going to bring the rest of your stuff, so let me know when I can drop it off." Or is that sort of saying..."Hey i'll be there and I'm really frustrated with you so when can I give you your crap back?" Any thoughts this morning? Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 HOw about a quick call / email / message saying something like "hey i'm popping up this weekend so i might pop by if thats ok, cos i've still got some of your stuff which i guess you'll be wanting back ??" I dunno, just my initial thoughts. Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 How about "Hey, I'll be up there this weekend to give the speech at the house's activation...I'm going to bring the rest of your stuff, so let me know when I can stop by." I don't know if I want to limit meeting up to dropping her stuff off...I don't think I want to mention it until I see her reaction to me being there and then decide what to do about it all, so maybe I should leave it open ended. "Hey, just thought I'd let you know I'll be up there this weekend, I'm giving the speech at the house's activation, should be fun...hope you have a great day." Bye, Dikaia Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 but maybe if you make it sound final it will give her a shock. I dunno. i am trying to think of things that might make her sit up and take notice, but in a subtle way?! Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 Really, a message that is as distant as possible...Going back to my tug o war analogy of a few weeks ago...I'm near the puddle in the middle, Just about to fall in, I need to slam back on the rope and get as far away as possible... "Hey, I'll be up there this weekend, when would be a good time to drop off the rest of your stuff? ~Dikaia Link to comment
spatzcolumbo Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 That is just one possible idea, wait for the experts to have their opinion...it will probably make more sense!!! Link to comment
Out to sea Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Hi ya, my advice is leave it open ended, you will have shot your last bolt by going on about the stuff, have them there and if she asks for them hand them over, she may even tell you to bring them along, if she doesn't then she probably isn't for a reason. Don't back yourself into that corner as I did, unless she makes you... Good luck anyways Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Dikaia Given the distance, I think that you have to let her know that you will be there this weekend. Make sure the message is innocuous, and mention her stuff. G xx Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 Well this stuff isn't the most important stuff in the world, she knows I have it, but I don't think theres a huge urgency on her part to get it back...I want to give it back, first to get it the heck out of my place...and maybe it will make her think a bit? I think at this point I should leave it open ended, feel out her response, not ask for any contact, let her make that decision...I can always call her on my way out of town Sunday... By me not asking for the contact, I put the ball in her court...let her make the decision about meeting up...I know what she thinks if she doesn't ask to see me (i.e. I don't like you,) If we meet up on her request it's gets a little muddy as to why she wants to meet up, but she still wants to meet up... Any more thoughts, thanks for the input spatz and francis! Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 Woah...big word from GeeCee...I had to look up that innocuous word, maybe I'm just a little slower, but I don't think us MidWesterner's use that word...ever! Okay, so after going over this quite a bit with my pm "coach" as I will refer to him as, this is what I'm sending... "Hey XXX, I just thought I'd let you know that I'll be up there this weekend, I'm speaking at the house's activation ceremony Saturday. Hope we can get a chance to meet up...Also, if you want I'll bring up the rest of your stuff (the bins, and those bed raisers.) Talk to ya" ~JC So Let me know what you all think... P.S. No smokes today!!! (yet ) Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 No smokes today - fabulous!!! You have been coached well!!! Hit the send button! G xx Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 This is what I sent... "Hey xxx, I'm going to be up there this weekend to speak at XX's activation on saturday. It'd be great to see you if we get a chance...also I can bring the rest of your stuff if you want...hope your having a great day. talk to ya. xxx" I hope I get a chance to see her...but you never know I guess... I can't stop wondering if her emailing me instead of calling me back was her way of saying I don't want to talk to you, or if she really was that busy... She did call me Sunday night, thats good...I mean if you don't want to talk to someone you don't call them right? even if you'll talk to them to be nice, your still not going to call them, right? Oh I'm sick of thinking in what if's and wondering... P.S. well I did smoke last night, and I might have had one on the drive into work (i didn't have the patch on yet) but so far so good the rest of the day! Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Well done Dikaia - perfect message! And now we wait. G xx Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 Well Thanks GeeCee...it was back and forth on what to write...but I think it turned out well, kind of a weird start now that I think about it, just jumping into it...I probably could have asked how she was doing, oh well... I've come to a realization, partly from discussions with others, that maybe i've been looking at all this wrong. It is a long distance thing, and no matter what I do, that won't change for at least four months...She ended it, even though she had feelings for me, I don't think there is anything i can do to make those feelings stronger, or get her to come back to me...The only thing I can really do as my "coach" says is hold on loosely and try to live my life to the fullest, maybe when I get back out there (for school, if I get in) it will be like we never stopped or like it was never meant to be, i don't know... Does this mean I give up, I don't think so...I don't even really know what I'm saying....I guess I'm letting go over control of the situation, let fate take over, helping it when I can, and know that God will do what's best for me in the end... Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 Well Thanks GeeCee...it was back and forth on what to write...but I think it turned out well, kind of a weird start now that I think about it, just jumping into it...I probably could have asked how she was doing, oh well... I've come to a realization, partly from discussions with others, that maybe i've been looking at all this wrong. It is a long distance thing, and no matter what I do, that won't change for at least four months...She ended it, even though she had feelings for me, I don't think there is anything i can do to make those feelings stronger, or get her to come back to me...The only thing I can really do as my "coach" says is hold on loosely and try to live my life to the fullest, maybe when I get back out there (for school, if I get in) it will be like we never stopped or like it was never meant to be, i don't know... Does this mean I give up, I don't think so...I don't even really know what I'm saying....I guess I'm letting go over control of the situation, let fate take over, helping it when I can, and know that God will do what's best for me in the end... Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 Dikaia - this is a good long-term approach. When you think about it, in the whole scheme of things, 4 months is not an awfully long time. Just seems like an eternity at the moment. But imagine how much self-development you can achieve in the next four months. By the time you do see her, you will be a much more confident, dynamic and emotionally stable person. More able, thereforeeee, to deal with anything that she throws at you, and thus more flexible in your game-plan. This is definitely not letting go of control - in some ways it is taking it back - looking at the bigger picture and dealing realistically with the limitations of an ex and a LDR. G xx Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 I know..it's already been three months since she ended it...wow...I see it getting hard this month...we started hanging out mid-april last year...so it's getting into what would have been a year...I shall try not to dwell on that... I guess I'm most afraid that by the time I get back there, she will have moved on, found someone else and not be willing to look back.... Oh h&ll, maybe she already has done those things...I'll probably find out this weekend somehow... I think I've fallen victim to wanting my life to be like a movie...I've always had this belief that when you met the "one" nothing would end it... People always say "the first time I saw her I said I was going to marry her, and i did!" right, but some guys say that about every girl they see.... Well I never once said that until the night i met her, well second time I met her...funny side story.... The first time I met her...I happened to be in that town one weekend in the summer...I heard another buddy of mine was there so i called him up...Hey dikaia! I'm going to the races (dirt track car races...it's a hick town!) with a bunch of girls, you're coming!" Well one of those girls was her, and at the end of the night it was me, my buddy, and her separate from the group...Fast forward to last spring...well me and my buddy are speratic in hanging out we see each other a bunch and then not for like months..well we happened to be hanging out a bunch...he called me "hey dikaia! i'm going out with a bunch of girls you're coming!" I said well, i don't know...you know one of them, you met her a couple years ago...Well as soon as I got in the door to meet them I knew which one she was...gorgeous, and she remembered me even though we didn't talk much that night years before..."DIKAIA!" We hit it off that night...part of me wishes now i had stayed in that night, it was a school night for goodness sakes! Oh well, sorry for the story...it's just always felt like fate to me...theres another meeting (or almost meeting) in between those two, I'll tell you if you'd like...but maybe some other time... Link to comment
GeeCee Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 part of me wishes now i had stayed in that night, it was a school night for goodness sakes! Oh, Dikaia, I laughed soooo hard at this - every night is a school night for me!!! G xx Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 Oh well, I guess I shouldn't regret and forget the things I did for love...It's just easy to think if I had stayed in, and not met her, I'd be here maybe alone, maybe not...but I used to be really comfortable alone...I've always been somewhat of a loner, but now all I want is her next to me... Like if I hadn't met her I'd still be ignorant as to what love really is and how it really feels...sometimes ignorance is bliss! But I suppose it's like Garth Brooks song, standing outside the fire... Sure standing in the fire means you'll probably get burned, but is standing outside the fire really living??? Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 Well, I got the response to my email... She has to work all day friday which means until late, like 2 am I expected that...and then get this...the kicker...She's probably going to be in my town for her uncle's birthday...when I read that I sank a little... She also didn't remember what stuff I was referring to that I said I'd bring back to give back to her.... She did say that if she didn't go to the cities, she'd call me, but what are the chances right... WHY THIS WEEKEND??!!! WHY... ps off comes the patch and in goes the smoke... Link to comment
Beec Posted March 30, 2004 Share Posted March 30, 2004 relax, let's see what happens. if she stays, you know she wanted to see you. Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 30, 2004 Author Share Posted March 30, 2004 I don't know...it's tough to think that way...all I can think is why now...why is this not going my way at all...she hasn't been calling as much...I just want to unload all these feelings in a letter and cut it clean... Her email was kind of long, but now I'm wondering if she's just moving things into email...slowly pulling away, like she doesn't want to talk, but email is painless you know...she didn't seem that upset about it... She also mentioned that when her and her friend called me sunday afternoon, they were drunk and that they passed out before 7...but now whats got me wondering is this why did they call me if they were drunk...and does she even remember that she called me a little after 7...and if she was that drunk why did she call me at 7... Almost like her subconsious drunk wanted to talk to me, but her sober self doesn't... I absolutely hate this...I hate knowing that I'll have to wait until saturday to find out... I could stop into her pub friday night, but what good would that do, what would be the point...it would come off as me needing to see her... It just seems like these things keep coming up that keep us apart...I'm hurting again...I'm sick of this Link to comment
Beec Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 dikaia, don't you think her calling you when he was sober shows that she wants to talk to you? so, she resisited the urge like you resist going to her pub. then she got drunk and had no inhibitions and drank and dialed. Drinking and dialing is a good sign. Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted March 31, 2004 Author Share Posted March 31, 2004 right, but what has it done for me lately? I'm going to wait until this weekend, and then there comes a point in a mans life where he lays his cards down and walks away from the table... Hopefully the rest of the players ask him to stay...but if not he needs to forget about the money he lost and pony up at another table... I'm sure you all can talk me out of it...but I just feel like "You know what...here's the deal...if it hurts, well thats what you've done to me the past three months...you gave up on me, you were too weak to do it...so this is me giving up one you...I hope you have a great life.." The other thing you say she called me when she was sober...it hasn't happened....only the drunken one...what does that give me...jack...I'll probably be drunk friday, theres a chance my buddies would even want to go to that bar...then what do i do? Link to comment
Beec Posted March 31, 2004 Share Posted March 31, 2004 You are right back to where you were a couple days ago. Laying your cards down, etc. Distance is a problem, if you want to overcome her issues with the distance you need to make her think it is worth it. Laying your cards down won't do that, it will make you seem needy. Maybe you are needy, maybe we all are, but we do not want to see it in a potential mate. Keep those cards up your sleeve. I also think I misstated the above. My comment was geared to her wanting to call when she was siber, but resisting it jsut like you are when you say you do not want to go to her pub, because that will make it seem like you went to see her. She did want to call you when sober, you do want to see her Friday. But the only way either of you makes the contact is if you over come that resistance. She drank and dialed, it was easy to overcome her resisitance as she was drunk. What are you worried about on Friday? The same thing, right? Link to comment
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