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Have any of you ever....


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Talked bad about their SO's (behind their backs) to someone or others esp when angry (when they do things that pisses you off). Yes I'm guilty of doing that at times but I was mad, couldn't help it that much. Actually I first don't say anything and hold it to myself till I blow up (but many months would have to pass by to make me blow up and say it).


I have posted over here some bad threads complaining about him as well. I mainly would rather post here if I have to complain about him again than talk about it.


Boy if he were to find out for sure he would think of me as a backstabber so yes that's one thing I would never reveal to him. I'm sure he would do the same when I did stupid things he didn't like but would never tell me.


So has any of you done that or I'm I the almost only one??? If so how did you feel afterwards and did they ever found out??

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Yeah, but only to my mum. I never spoke about an SO to their friends.


Same here I pretty much told many things to my mother in the end just recently. To my father just some stuff, hard to talk about more to a man, they get stuff different. Other than that it was to this long time friend online (my old childhood friend from middle school) and Enotalone off course duhhh. I was so piss off at that moment that I couldn't think straight. Sometimes our SO's do that on purpose to give us migraines, so annoying.

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Yes, I've done this. I think sometimes you just need to realize that the need to vent about a SO is normal and sometimes you don't have anyone to vent to (or you do, but they wouldn't be the wisest people to confide in). My wife doesn't know I post on this site and I think I'd have some major explaining to do if she found out, but I'd like to think she'd understand that I do this for the good of our relationship--I can say the things here that I'm thinking without fear of unintentionally hurting feelings and I can get advice that is unbiased. So I guess I feel a little guilty that I have something I keep from her, but I also know that I'm doing right by her in the long run by doing so.


However, I think you have to be careful not to let this and other outlets be excuses for not having good communication in your relationship. Things like this are meant to be a tool to help people fix problems....not the be-all, end-all solution themselves. It's okay to come here and vent and collect advice and opinions, but you still need to confront your SO about the issues that you have in your relationship. Maybe that's why you feel like you're "backstabbing"--you might vent on here and say some bad stuff about your SO (which may be deserved by the way), but then you don't do anything constructive with the feedback you receive. Maybe yes, maybe no....

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Sure, but the trick is to figure out the unintended consequences so that you can carefully choose the people to whom it's safe to vent.


By 'safe' I don't just mean that it wouldn't get back to him, but rather selecting people who will be in your corner yet will have no influence over your future happiness with the SO. For instance, if you vent to your family, be prepared to have them dislike him and disapprove of him becoming your spouse someday. Why? Because you can't expect to have a fight with the SO and complain about all his faults without turning people against him--only to find that they remain that way long after you've made up and now want everyone you trashed him with to suddenly love the guy.


I'd pick a therapist, a friend or a distant relative with whom you don't intend to involve the SO too much, and someone who's mature enough to not start wars on your behalf.


I'd also be prepared to accept that he's got equal rights to put people in his corner, and if you're both not careful in learning discretion, you can set up a minefield for the 'happy couple' that will follow you far into the future.


In your corner.

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I do vent about my SO with a few select people who's opinions I trust. And also on here. My girlfriend knows about both though she hasn't ever been on this site. I even recommended it to her actually. I told her that I talk to friends about problems we are having and on here to try and see the situation from a different angle than my own. That way I don't do or say anything that I will regret without first thinking everything through...she doesn't mind. I think she gets where I'm coming from.

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