another question about change

[KrazyDevil]

If youve read my other post, you will know where Im coming from. We have been on a "break" for the past 3 weeks. We had some contact because of having to move out, but that is it. I want to let her know that I am working towards changing and working on myself. How do I go about telling her that I have taken concrete steps in the right direction to not only correct myself but where I have messed up in our relationship? I feel that if I just send an email saying "hey, Im getting better" she will take it as a joke or bs. Anyone have any thoughts or opinions?

[FriendnorFoe]

If youve read my other post, you will know where Im coming from. We have been on a "break" for the past 3 weeks. We had some contact because of having to move out, but that is it. I want to let her know that I am working towards changing and working on myself. How do I go about telling her that I have taken concrete steps in the right direction to not only correct myself but where I have messed up in our relationship? I feel that if I just send an email saying "hey, Im getting better" she will take it as a joke or bs. Anyone have any thoughts or opinions?

 

Well you are prolly right about how she might take it, you are going to have to show her through action that you have made the necessary changes, I know how you feel, at first there was nothing that I would like to do mre than to call her and tell her I know how I messed up and I can change, but this will only come off as being clingy and insecure, unfortunatley you cant show her through action that you have changed inless you meet up in the future of course, this is the part that worries us, if that oppurtunity dosent come up.

[faithful14]

i agree with FriendnorFoe: show her you are trying to change with your words but more importantly your actions. Follow through with what you say; when you make a promise keep it. Being more mature and responsible. Just work on yourself for a while and make a time where you can meet each other and catch up on each others lives. Best of luck to you!

[veneratio]

You can't tell her, and it can't be forced in any way. She's gotta see you change. Your actions have to say the words "I'm working on changing" or "I'm trying to change" or "I'm making progress" to her, rather than words. Words without action are just empty promises.

 

Truly work on yourself in the meantime. I skimmed through your last thread so I don't know all the details, but if she feels like there are things you really need to work on, make an extra effort to work on those things. If you need to seek out help for them, then do so. Not only for her, but most importantly for yourself.

 

And when the opportunity arises for you two to come in contact again, make sure not to verbalize how much you've changed. It'll make you sound like you're trying to sway her.

[cl76]

A lot of people here talk about CHANGE.

 

Sure even my ex girlfriend said "It just wasn't working out between us and I don't see that things will CHANGE with you anytime soon".

 

I want people to consider that you really CANNOT change who you are. Sure you can "improve" yourself but you are fundamentally the same person.

 

I think what should all be looking at is WHAT HAS CHANGED OVER TIME from when things were great, and now (the break up). Most likely I think that what attracted your ex to you still exists within you and that need to FIND THAT AGAIN what ever it was.

 

Good luck to all of you. Wanting your ex back sucks, I am glad that I am not alone.