How can she do that to me

[Sensient]

Ok this may rake a while so sit tight. I broke up with my gf of 5 1/2 years about 7 months ago. During the relationship we were so in love i thought that she would be the girl that i would spend the rest of my life with. We had such an amazing connection and friendship and looking around i thought that not one other couple were as in love as we were.

 

Towards the end of the relationship i knew something was lacking. There wasn't that spark of romance that we had experienced in the past. My ex as i have to call her now also become very insecure about our relationship and about me in general. She always used to question me about where i was going or who was going to be there or did you see that girl that i know likes you (which i disliked etc). Anyway she broke up with me because of things that i thought were rubbish. There are some things you do with your mates or some things you do and keep to yourself, kinda to ensure and maintain your individuality (nothing like cheating on her...i could never do such a thing). She found out about some stuff...like one night where i said i was going to be at a mates house and i was out with my mates...the thing is theres nothing wrong with it...i just knew that she would get angry at me if i went out without her.

 

She broke up with me and was very angry about the things i did.

 

About 2 months after we broke up...i found out she was seeing a guy who we were both friends with when we were together. This guy was closer to me and we used to see eachother and go out often. To make it easy she started seeing one of my friends.

 

I was so heart broken it was crazy. i couldnt sleep eat function in any way. This guy moved interstate after about a month they were seeing eachother. But i have just found out that he is moving back. I couldn't believe that the girl i loved so much..the girl i gave my life to for 5 years could be with one of my friends so soon after we broke up. I knew that it was easier for her cos he was leaving,..never to return...but now he coming back

 

I don't know what to do. I told her that if you see him i won't be able to look at you or even think about you. I told her that i will bloke her out of my life because that shows no respect at all.

 

She tells me that it probably wasn't the best thing she could have done and that it was a mistake. She also tells me she doesn't want anything with this guy...but deep down i know she is attracted to him and i know he really likes her. she says that there will be no relationship and i said that doesn't even matter...if she is with him for a second (that is physically) minute a day a year...i can't and wont respect her.

 

As much as i say this im so scared.Both my ex and this guy are kinda in the cirlce of my friends so there will be no way for me to escape it.

 

Things b/w us are really uncomfortable...i dont know how it could turn to this after the love we had for eachother. I dont know what to do or how to hadle it. Do i ignore her as if she doesn't exist (if she is with him) to i try and win her back...do i make her realise how wrong it is and how hurt i am. My mates say that it was discusting what she and him did.

 

I need help... and advice its been about 3 months since he left and i can;t stop thinking about it. I think he is coming home soon. Please can someone give me some advice...i cant take the pain and thoughts anymore

[bleeder]

Hi Sensient,

 

I understand your troubles.

 

Firstly, you will have to understand WHY she went with this friend of yours. Could it be just a rebound? Her needing someone to fall back on? Or are there some genuine feelings involved? The only to find this out is to have a heart to heart talk with her.

 

Let her know how you feel. Let her know that you need to know the truth, not some wishy washy fairy tale story cooked up just to placate you.

 

One thing though, remember the REASON why you folks broke up in the first place. Her paranoia might surface again if you guys do get back together.

 

All the best to ya!

[Sensient]

Thanx for the quick response. I really appreciate it knowing taht there are people that care.

 

She has told me that it just happened and that she doesn't want anything with this guy. I know she doesn't want to hurt me but this guy really likes her and i know he will try to be with her. I know that she has been attracted to him for a while, even when we were together, just by the way she used to talk and look at him.

 

I always knew that he was the one other guy she was attracted to...more than a physical attraction.

 

The thing is it will be so awkward if it happens...all my guy mates...including him know her through me. So you can imagine if they start seeinf her with him. it will really be uncomfortable for everyone, including her.

 

Thats the thing i think will stop her...cos it will seem too wrong and she knows how hurt i will be. But then again she was seeing him for a month knowing how hurt i was and knowing how uncomfortable or how rong everyone else thought it was.

 

If i do get back with her i want to think that it wont go back the way it was. Id like to think that i will try and make her feel secure at all times...kinda drop everything if she feels that way so she can trust me again. She is an insecure girl which i know is common but i think that if she comes back i will make her feel secure and know that im the right guy for her.

[RubyInnocence]

I understand why you are upset. Situations like yours can be very painful for everyone involved, and it could be that your ex is simply rebounding- trying to find someone to help her get over you. Please don't push her out of your life if you love her, no matter what she does. True love lives through any situations, and it may be that she is confused about what she wants right now. If you are supportive and help her, she may realize that she still loves you. Try to be patient- I know it hurts, but you have to try to put yourself in her shoes, as well.

[Sensient]

How can i be supportive if she is seeing a guy that was my friend. It shows her that i have no pride right?

 

The worst thing that anyone can do is cheat and date a friend of your ex.

 

If i stick with it, how do i act?

 

Like hi i miss you so much how are things going with my mate?

 

How can i fucntion like that

 

Then it shoes her thats its ok to do things like that, is it?

[RubyInnocence]

First of all, I don't appreciate your attitude. Do not yell at me for what I said. I never said it was "all right" because it's "her shoes" that she do this to you. What I was saying is that you are supportive instead of just pissing her off, you have a better chance of getting back together with her. That's what you want isn't it? If not, then continue to have your attitude, because the only real way she will ever believe that you have any kind of character is if you act mature about this.

Sorry for the harsh words, but I don't appreciate it when people criticize my posts without giving me a proper chance to explain/elaborate. You didn't need to give me an attitude, you could have simply asked me these questions without the mockery.

No hard feelings though, and whether you follow my advice or not, good luck.