Why breaking NC is a bad idea

[confusedgirrl]

Against my better judgement I broke NC, this was just the beginning, i thought because he was on vacation for a week and I wouldnt have to see him it would be easy not to see him or think about him but from the first day he had off from work things went south.

 

He sent me an email on Monday which i wasnt going to respond to then an hour later he called me at work to ask why I hadnt responded and to talk. Like clockwork every morning I came to work and email would be there waiting for me, asking how i was doing, what i did the previous night and wishing me a good day. Stupidly I replied to all of them and we talk via email everyday while i was at work.

 

Last night he calls to find out what I had planned for the weekend and he told me that he didnt have any plans so I would hear or see him on saturday and we would do something. i thought good maybe things were changing but fastforward to 11.22 pm I get a text from him saying he was tired and was heading home. I am so pissed at myself for getting sucked back in with his promises that never seem to materialise and then feeling like crap after.

 

Its after 1 in the morning and I am sitting here crying because that jerk blew me off again and to make things worse i have to go to work on monday and see him.

 

sigh.....breaking nc is never a good idea......back to day 1

[chaosa]

Did you mention to him that you were going NC and the reasons why? Is so, this was very selfish on his part and just another reason for you to not talk to him again. Start from scratch, go NC and DO NOT answer any of his emails. Right now is the time to think about YOU.

[confusedgirrl]

I told him I needed some space to get over him because i was tried of feeling like an after thought for him, but at first i thought ok i can do this, i explained to him so maybe he will let me do this but then he goes back to old habits. One moment he is so into me and interested in me and the next i feel as though I have to beg him to spend time with me. i cant do this anymore it hurts too much.

[chaosa]

And you shouldn't. Think of it this way...he is toxic and playing you. Trying to have his cake and eat it too. If you really want to get over him, don't respond to his texts/email anymore. You have to focus on yourself, not him.

[Pixiedoc]

It seems like he is a 'safety net' guy. He needs to feel you're interested and when you confirm it he pulls back.

 

It's selfish and it's obvious you're hurting.

 

So ironic that the more effort we make with some people the more they back off.

 

I agree you need some time to yourself, so make it clear to him that you expect NC to mean NC and give youself some time and distance to heal if yu can.

[UCLAMike]

As a guy, I generally stick to my word if I said I will go out with somebody, especially someone or matter as important as reconciliation or healing a friendship. I know most of my guy friends would also do this as well. I just want to let you know that what your ex did, just bailing at the last minute, isn't something most guys do. Take comfort in knowing that even though you are messed up right now, it's probably a blessing for you to have been split up.

 

You deserve more and better. I hope this reality sinks in soon.

[MrSoAndSo2009]

This guy is playing you and it's not fair. The reason is that you feel so abandoned that part of you will do almost anything to have some contact with him in order to squelch that horrible feeling. But, after you have you contact, HE feels better and YOU feel worse.

 

Tell him that you CAN'T be friends with each other, and e-mails and phone calls would mean being friends. He is so self-centered right now that he won't take you seriously, and why would he? He thinks he has you on a string and you'll always be there. Put the scare in him, no matter how he reacts (he might be indifferent, he might be shocked, he might not seem to care, it doesn't matter -- don't be affected by his narcissism). In a caring way, tell him that the two of you must say good-bye and that being friends is not an option. Let himgo into his emptiness to see what life is like without you, and don't get sucked in! Just my opinion.

 

Oh, and one more thing -- don't count the days. That means you are clinging on to hope. Let him go, and if he comes back then you might consider letting him into your private world again, but if he doesn't, you'll be stronger and moving on with your life.

[Anusha]

When a ex comes seeking contact with us we usualy think is because he misses or really love us but that not always the case sometimes they just doing that for themselves.To know you are still interested,be his safety net or get something from it.