Mr SIBLEY Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 After months of argueing and general unhappiness. Me and my girlfriend split up. I feel happier already but at the same point, I'm unsure of my next move. It was rough, really rough and tbh i think we both wanted it to end. Long story short, should I go NC with her. Not even if she wants closure etc. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 i think NC is a good idea. get your mind sorted out and all that. Link to comment
odile Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Sounds like sad times. But if you've been fighting for months, then it sounds like it breaking up was a good call. I agree that NC is the right course of action here. BUT, I think that you should send her a message (email, letter, what have you) that lets her know why it is that you need some space right now. Link to comment
Mr SIBLEY Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 Any ideas on what exactly to put? I know why, just a few hints, because at the end of the day i want to be mature about this and not hurt her. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 i would just tell her that you are sorry that things didn't work out between you two, and that now you need some time and some space apart to 'let the dust settle' and focus on healing. tell her you wish her well. Link to comment
MrSoAndSo2009 Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Be caring and avoid the temptation to sneak in a jab or two. Don't stray. I would definitely let her know that you want to go into no contact, though. You could possibly say: We've been through a lot and we need to let each other go. The best way to do that is to have time and space apart. We should stay out of contact for a while, perhaps weeks or months, while we both heal and get things straightened out in our lives. This doesn't mean that I don't care, it just means that we need to respect that it takes time to heal and move on, which is the right thing to do. That means no e-mails, no phone calls, no text messaging. If you need closure, we could talk one last time to close things off, without any arguments, and to say good-bye to each other, but please respect that I am not open to talking about getting back together at this time. Good luck. Link to comment
Mr SIBLEY Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 Okay, done all of that. Now she sent me a text saying the i "Should at least have the common decency to talk to her" and that i should come and meet her. I'm not sure if this is such a fantastic idea. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Try and stick to it. If you've been arguing, it's likely that you will argue over the phone and certainly if you speak to her. NC is a fair request under the circumstances and you've already said you're feeling better having a bit of time and space. She probably needs NC as much as you but sometimes it's difficult to get out of the habit of arguing and analysing what is going/went wrong. That's bad for you and stops you healing - I know this and so do many on this site. Good luck. Link to comment
Mr SIBLEY Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 At first she was very abusive when i text her saying that we shouldn't be in contact for a while. I was recieveing messages like "I'll be the best you ever had". But now she is sending me messages apologising and telling me to meet her. Just confusing :S She says that if we don't talk again she'll end up hating me and how she still wants to be friends. Though I haven't replied to any of this. Link to comment
OrangeMoon Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 She will never be happy with anything you have to say..you are the one who broke up with her. Let her go..even if it means you have to be harsh and not respond to her at all. Yes..this might mean..that she will resent you for it for a very long time. But when she heals and moves on..she will get to a point where she realizes that under the circumstances you let her go the best way you knew how The lines that mrsoandso gave you..really got to me. Due to my own healing process i can now see that the way he (my ex) parted with me..was the best way he knew how to..even when he still had some feelings for me. So let her go..and dont let her hurting drag you back in.. you broke up for you didn't you.. Link to comment
MrSoAndSo2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Let her go in a caring way and then take the time you need to think about how you feel and move on. Remind her it is for the best, and there are no hard feelings, but it is the best thing to do. Being in contact will be detrimental to BOTH of you for moving and and for your growth. But, I do recommend seeing her for closure, but get her to promise ahead of time that there will be no arguments and make sure you stick to it, too. You do closure to say good-bye one last time, and she needs to know that. When she tries to get you back, let her say what she wants, but then calmly remind her that you need her to respect your decision and let her go with love (don't say "love" -- that would give her hope -- I just mean do it in a caring way). If you can man-up and do it this way, you'll make your life so much easier, but if you give in to the temptation to have a few last "jabs," it will be much worse. When you break up with somebody who doesn't want to let go, you are in a bit of a double bind situation: if you are too "kind", then you will give her hope and she will pursue you; if you just cut her off without closure, she will want you more and pursue you like crazy until you basically tell her to stay the hell away from you, and this would be very hurtful to her. Even with closure, she might not believe--if it gets to be too much, then you can repeat again that it is best to have no contact for healing, and then let her know that you won't be responding to her any more for the weeks to come, and that this isn't to disrespect her but because it is really the right thing to do. I think too often dumpers just cut things off without explanation and this only makes the dumpee pursue them more. Link to comment
Mr SIBLEY Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 So just to clarify, I should go see her again just to give her closure on the matter. tell her that i won't argue and that after this, this will be it. I keep getting texts from her asking if i will text back and i feel bad for her. Link to comment
MrSoAndSo2009 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 That's what I would do. I would promise her not to argue and get her to make the same promise. Then stick to it. The purpose is (1) remind her that you are letting her go and you can't be friends right now because it would get in the way of moving on and healing (2) say good-bye to each other in a caring way, no matter how she reacts -- let her know that this for closure so that the text messaging will come to an end (3) no arguing Then you stay out of contact in the manner described previously in this thread. Link to comment
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