What's going on? Confused...any advice would be appreciated!

[Silverspoon]

So my ex and I dated for six months and had a great/fun time -- never ever fought. He called/emailed all the time, wanted to see me regularly, always wanted me to stay over at his place and PDA'd all the time. He introduced me his family. He hasn't dated anyone since he was 18 -- he's 26 now and so very shy; he also just got a fabulous new job after being unemployed for a year. I freaked out over his birthday present to me and then he broke up with me -- though said that this had been coming for a while. Two months ago he said that he didn't know if he could ever love me the way I deserved and felt that I was always disappointed in him. I am still crushed and want him back.

 

Since we are in the same friend group, I wrote him the day after we broke up and asked him what he'd be telling people about us. He wrote that he'd tell everyone that we've decided to be "really good friends for a while and see how that goes".

 

Three weeks go by and no contact. Then he emails me -- asks me how I've been and at the end, tells me to call him so "we can catch up". I don't call him but then he stops by my office two days later! A few days later, I email and tell him it was good to see him, etc and he writes back promptly. I wait a few days and then write him back, telling him that I am going out of town for a week and that I'll talk to him when I get back. Two days after I get back, I write him and email and ask him if he wants to have lunch to catch up. He then calls me and sounds so excited to talk to me. He says that he can't do lunch but then suggests we do dinner during the week. I actually had a really busy week (have been filling schedule to stop thinking about him!) and tell him that I can't that week but I'd email him about my schedule. So I email him two days later, asking if he can do dinner next week. But no response. I let a week go by. I then call -- we had a completely normal convo -- I said nothing about the email or about dinner. After the 8 minutes are up, I say, "ok -- gotta get going. I'll talk to you later" and then he out of the blue says, "Well, I gotta check my schedule about dinner this week". I was all like, "ok, dinner sounds great! Talk to you later!" But then *nothing* from him -- no email, no call, etc in the past week.

 

Then, I saw him out last night with our group of friends. He pretty much ignored me -- didn't say hello or even look at me. And then said a completely random comment to me about a baseball game -- which I pretty much ignored. I left before him but I didn't get a goodbye.

 

What is going on in his head? Does he think I was being dismissive? Why is he backing off so much now? I have never ever told him that I missed him or wanted to get back together -- even our breakup was relatively calm (no tears). I am so confused. Is no-contact the right call in this situ? Should I apologize for ignoring him last night?

[hometownguy18]

I'm sorry to hear about the situation. I honestly couldn't really tell you what's going on in his mind. Maybe he doesn't know what he wants exactly? Maybe his emotions go up and down during this confusing time, believing he wants you, then thinking he doesn't. Maybe his friends give him a hard time for trying to work through things. I don't know. I'd remain calm however. Don't call him, let him call you.

 

And whatever you do, don't apologize. You have no reason. He made the spur of the moment decision not to talk to you, not to hang out with you. If you call him back, it'll just make him think he has you right back where he had you before...under his thumb. It might not be what he's trying to do, but the feeling will no doubt be there. It'll feel safe for him to continue moving about his life, doing whatever he pleases, knowing you're still there. Don't be, and he'll come running back if he truly loves you, especially if there were no tears during the breakup.

[Silverspoon]

I just think that since he is so shy and since I completely ignored him and blew him off, he's not going to feel comfortable coming back. Communication has completely dropped off -- so much for being "really good friends", I guess. I want him to be ok with talking to me now and thereforeeee leaving the door open to "us" sometime in the future. Agh -- I just wish I knew what was going on in his head. Any mind readers out there?