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Married but guilt over crush is driving me crazy


HisGurl
I Have Feelings For Someone Else Wh...
I Have Feelings For Someone Else While In a Relationship

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Hiya People

 

I'm new so please go easy on me.

 

Little back ground:

I'm 27, I have been married for a year to a wonderful man who I am very happy with. Also you need to know my best friend is a guy who I dated for 2 years but we have been friends for 20 years! So friends before and after dating.

 

So here's the deal, I have a crush on my best friend, the "Ex" for simplicity lets call him Marc. I have no idea why I am having these feelings. I am sooo happy at this point in life, my hubby treats me like a princess and we are in the process of buying our first house that we can hopefully move into in a few weeks.

 

As i've said Marc and I have been friends since we were kids, and teenagers we were best friends, often we would double date, him with his g/f and me with a b/f. At i think 19 we got together as a couple and stayed together for 2 years. It was a really happy time, but we realised in the end, we were best friends who had great sex as aposed to two people that loved each other...does that make sense? So we split, for about a year after that we put some distance between each other and both got over it and move on in life and love.

When I met my husband and we started dating, he knew Marc and I were exes but mainly best friends, he was fine with it and in time he and Marc became good friends too. I've been with my husband a little over 4 years and married for one.

 

However for the past month I have developed a crush on Marc, and I HATE myself for it. He nor my husband have any idea. I feel like such a horrible person. I have no intention or even desire to do anything about it.

 

Do you think it's normal for someone who is happily married and forfilled to be thinking about there ex in that way?

I have started making excuses not to see him because I don't want to make it worse, but I feel so bad for avoiding him because he's my friend and he's not having a great time of things at the mo....

 

 

Anyways that me! Great first impression i'm sure, just wanted to point out i'm not nor will I ever be cheating on my husband. I am not looking for approval to act on this crush, i would just like some advice maybe on how to get over it.

 

HisGurL

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Limit your contact with him and maybe do some deep thinking about whether or not you feel something is lacking in your marriage. What is it about this ex that your husband is not giving you? If you can get to the root of why your mind has suddenly wandered to the ex then you can focus on your marriage and work on whatever is lacking.

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Don't stress too much about it. It sounds like the classic: "The grass is greener on the other side syndrome." You didn't have these feelings before you were married when you and your now husband were just together I'm assuming, and now that you are newly married they are coming out. Remember that ending a relationship is much easier than ending a marriage, and now you may just feel a little trapped by your marriage, which is perfectly normal as you have only been married a year. I think this means that you are still adjusting to being married. Marriage is such a HUGE and not easily breakable commitment, and it can be overwhelming at times knowing that you are going to hopefully spend the rest of your life with your husband. This "crush" may be your mind's way of dealing with the new and as I said overwhelming feelings that marriage brings on and it is simply being projected on Marc, if that is the case it will pass in time. As others have said limit your contact with Marc for the time being, it may seem unfair to him, but remmeber that you have your marriage to think about, and that needs to come first and foremost. Best of luck.

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I agree with Maverick.

 

I will add that when you try to supress something, it gets stronger. So, really, you have one option, get rid of Marc. Millions of people loose there friends of old, time and life moves on. Millions of married lose their non-married friends. The friendship was a past thing. it's memories. You gonna end up in the gutter if you cant move forward.

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