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had taken it slow and now things are blossoming


mentee

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if anyone knows my story i've been dating a wonderful guy for 4-5 months .. in the beginning he took it really slow, which made me uncomfortable and subsequently demanding because i usually start off intense (and never realized that it is a very bad/risky way to start things off) ... he pulled away so many times because he was afraid that i'd be a clinging, controlling, and demanding person .. luckily i didn't scare him off completely .. i ended up going at his pace and sometimes even slower when i realized i have a lot of fears about relationships ... so in the last few months we've really taken the time to get to know each other .. i can honestly say that this guy is becoming my best friend, and i really trust him (which is huge for me because i have a hard time trusting men) .. i know i'm very lucky that this guy ended up being amazing, and i am so, so, SO glad we took it slow .. if there's any advice i can offer on relationships, it's to TAKE IT SLOW (: .. it is hard because you do feel vulnerable when someone isn't offering a commitment or doing things that make you feel more secure ... but the pay-off of being patient and learning how to be secure independent of how someone treats you is great .. when you take the time to really learn about a person without being blind with infatuation or mad with insecurity, you allow yourself to build trust and a great friendship .... and with time, if you have found the right person, things will progress naturally ...

 

the last 2 weeks however, we've become significantly closer to each other .. we are sharing so much with each other, and i think he's opening his heart up to me .. and in turn, i'm opening up to him ... i do feel a little scared about this ... because it feels like such a huge, fast, and drastic change given how slow we had been taking things prior .. one thing i really love about him is how he is always able to observe his feelings and explain to me why he feels that way .... he's always able to figure himself out, whether it takes him 1 minute or 1 month .. and i'm very much the same way .. always reflecting on why i feel the way i do and what that means to me ... what we have is something i've never had with anyone else before .. being able to communicate our feelings and taking a step further by examining why we feel that way is such a gift ...

 

just wondering who else out there has taken things really slow and how did you feel when things picked up and your heart began to open? i was kind of picturing that we'd take it slow until one day we'd realize how committed we are to each other (or something) ... but this is different .. it's like i can physically feel my heart opening sometimes .. and i can see how he feels about me by the way he looks at me, the things he does for me, and just how he treats me ... it's a tangible change ... happen to anyone else?

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awwww!!!! that's so great! no, i don't think i've had my mr. wonderful in my life yet (or that i know of), but yes, after having a lot of relationships that have started off hot and heavy and then dissipate just as quickly, i definitely see the wisdom in going slow.

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it is so hard to go slow! it takes a lot of self-restraint and can be so uncomfortable at times (when you start to feel insecure) ... now that we've learned a lot about each other and created a great friendship, the feelings that i'm developing for him feel more real, deeper, and safer .. i know those are unusual descriptive terms, but that's seriously how it feels! he has proven to me that he cares about me independent of what i can offer him, that he's always there for me and wants the best for me ... going slow has also taught me how much i appreciate my space .. and how healthy it is to have space ... it is way too easy to get caught up in feelings of infatuation .. it's also easy to rush into things because you get immediate security .. but it feels nice to know that my guy took the time to get to know me .. and now that he's super into me, i can trust that it's because of who i am .. not because i can fulfill a need or something like that .. and it's nice to know that he's doing all the things i've wanted him to do because he wants to do it, not because i asked or expected it .... ah, all the perks of going slow! no pain no gain lol

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awww!!! i am so happy for you! it is hard to take things slow, especially if you are an impatient sort. but i am glad it has paid off for you and i will try to remember your story the next time i am checking my phone or email every 5 minutes for a message!!!

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