Unusual U Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Tonight I just found out something that has changed me forever, and not for the good. Here's what happened: My friend had given me this thing for my parents to sign, seeing as I'm under-age, that will allow gay marriage legal in our state. So, I come and give them the paper and they say no imediately. "I would never ever sign anything like that," my father had said to me, then he was all like, "Marriage is between a man and a woman, not a woman and a woman, or a man and a man." I was thinking: F*** you, a**hole! "It's against our religion." my mother had also said. They started talking about how it was "unhealthy", wa-eva. My mom talked about it being against our religion. I have never followed religion, I believe in what I believe and that's final, I refuse to be told what to believe in. My mom started to call it weird, and bizar (or however you spell it). I am so hurt, it's not funny. I hate my parents now, because of what they think of me and what they think about people that are like me. What they say is ridiculous and I'm totally offended. I have no idea what to do about this. Link to comment
Binoo Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Weddings aren't even a religious event for most people anymore. Most brides still wear white despite having an active sex life. People don't always get married in churches. People get divorced. However, just try to be patient with your parents. People are very set in their ways especially with matters like this. Link to comment
lost1607307474 Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 However, just try to be patient with your parents. People are very set in their ways especially with matters like this. People are very set in their ways when it comes to matters like this. It really upsets me, to be honest. I wish the would just open their minds just a little. Every individual in this world should be treated as an equal. I would also try to be patient with your parents about this issue, especially since it seems as though they feel very strongly about it. Have you tried sitting them down and having a talk to them about any of these issues/ feelings/ concepts? Link to comment
MyheartorHis Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Honestly, my father would say the same thing. He thinks what the definition is in the dictionary is exactly how everything should stay. A lot of parents are that way, because back then it wasn't "normal" to be bi-sexual, lesbian, or gay. Times have changed, a lot of people have accepted the change, but there are people who grew up believing something and aren't willing to accept that those things are different now. Think of everything that has changed in some point or another that was once "normal". Slavery and racism are two of the biggest ones, but change is good! Give your dad some time, for some it takes longer to accept than others. Don't let anyone put you down for who you are or what you believe, and I'm sure you dad doesn't realize how bad he must have made you feel. This is the definition my dad sticks to, even though they HAVE changed the definition. "The state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law" Link to comment
Binoo Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 This is the definition my dad sticks to, even though they HAVE changed the definition. "The state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law" How romantic lol! Link to comment
Beautiful Nightmare Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 People are ignorant about things they don't understand... or things they don't want to understand. Do you think they'd feel differently if they knew the truth about you? Link to comment
lukeb Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I am sorry to see that you're not able to love and respect your parents eventhough you do not agree with their opinions. Link to comment
always. Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Do your parents know that you're gay (or bi - sorry, I'm not sure based on your post)? It's one thing if those are just their opinions and they don't realize who they are talking to, because even if their opinions are outdated and closed-minded, it's very difficult for people's eyes to be opened in situations like these if they are already closed and they can't be blamed for that. However, if they know that you are gay or bisexual and still say things like that in front of you, then that's inexcusable. Link to comment
unabashed Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 I don't think it's necessary to manufacture love and respect for someone when you're just not feeling it--no matter how you're related. It's very difficult to be faced with the reality that who you are becoming is something that your parents find repugnant. It's disappointing to learn that your parents are prejudiced and closed-minded. You look up to them to be role models, and you realize that you could teach them a thing or two. But, it sounds like they don't know about you. In time, you will tell them, and they will most likely come around because they love you. Talking theoretically about other people is different from talking about your own child. Their ideas are not as common as they once were--most people are more open-minded these days. Try to allow them to have their own opinions--as you would want them to allow you to have your own. Over time, as you are able to speak to them about yourself, it will be easier. Believe it or not, there are even gays and lesbians who don't think marriage is a good idea. Everyone is entitled to an opinion--even if it's wrong! (just kidding! Link to comment
scared and alone Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 im so sorry. *hugs* My mom is all anti-gay too (shes "religious" too. we've had arguments over this issue), which annoys the hell out of me. I am not gay or bi or anything, but I just don't get the out right hate and anti of it all. It makes no sense to me. But i'm so sorry that your parents, of all people, are doing this to you. That is not right. You are their child and your happiness and well-being needs to come before anything else for them. I really wish they, and people like them would understand, you can't help being gay anymore than they can help being straight. It's so sad they dont understand that. Link to comment
chiefoptimizer Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Dude, I'm sorry they feel and believe that way. My parents did too, when I was 13, and they made quite a scene because I was seen holding my best friend in my arms. That was the start of almost 10 years of depression, self hatred and self injury. I have since come to terms with all that, and only then did I make my dad sit down and we had an honest chat about it all. Turns out I had to get mum on my side first, and she convinced dad to back off. Now, they are stil not comfortable with the idea and we haven't spoken about it again, but I feel they're dealing with it. What you should know, is that their opinion has been handed down to them, and they have been convinced and reinforced with hateful propaganda by Those Who Must Not Be Named. You are lucky to have this community to be on your side, and you already know at this age (how old are you? still living with parents, right?) that it is OK to be gay, that it is perfectly natural and that you are a good person. Use this to arise above the rage and offence, and understand that only you can convince them that being gay does not make you a bad person, and understand that you can only do it after leaving their house, because otherwise you could be in danger. Good luck mate, x Link to comment
Unusual U Posted March 14, 2009 Author Share Posted March 14, 2009 Thanks you guys (and girls, sorry)! Okay, because I don't understand the "Quote" thing on this, I'll try and address everything I can as clearly as possible. So, to be clear, I'm gay (not bi). My age? Well, since I don't like saying it (stupid "Internet Safety" classes), but yeah, still living with my parents, not like some old dude who is jobless and hopeless. I'm in my early teens, so it suck bad! So yeah, I've calmed down from when I wrote this, but it still hurts. My friend asked me to go to her chuch, which is every "Open", and "Gay Friendly". But my parents would flip out. Only her and one other girl (who happens to be Bisexual) knows I'm gay. Wa-eva. But, thanks! Link to comment
StretchGee Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 I have never followed religion, I believe in what I believe and that's final, I refuse to be told what to believe in. My mom started to call it weird, and bizar (or however you spell it). I am so hurt, it's not funny. I hate my parents now, because of what they think of me and what they think about people that are like me. What they say is ridiculous and I'm totally offended. I have no idea what to do about this. What they think of marriage may not be what they think of you. Your parents will have different views than you, that is part of growing up. If you cannot accept their views, not agree with them - but accept the fact that they have opinions - then at least you have intolerance in common. You, like everyone else, will likely have many more fundamental disagreements with your folks on many issues near-and-dear to you. Link to comment
LaHappy Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Thanks you guys (and girls, sorry)! So yeah, I've calmed down from when I wrote this, but it still hurts. My friend asked me to go to her chuch, which is every "Open", and "Gay Friendly". But my parents would flip out. Only her and one other girl (who happens to be Bisexual) knows I'm gay. When I was your age I did a similar thing... I told my very religious parents that a friend of mine (who didn't exist) had a gay brother and he was a nice guy, just to test the water and see how they would react. Well they went totally and banned me from seeing this make-believe friend because his brother was gay. As you can image this was very hurtful and I knew it was going to be hard coming out when I was ready to. I can understand how scared/hurt you must feel about how they will react when they find out you are one of these "unhealthy" ppl, which I think is the core issue here. There is nothing you can do to soften the blow i'm afraid, there just isn't. The most important thing right now is that you surround yourself with ppl you can trust and begin your road to independence from you parents, both mentally, emotionally and financially if possible. Just remember that in a few years you will not live at home, will be entirely responsible for you life and they will have to control over you. Their current view of gays will change once they know WHO you are. It may be slow, (it took 3 years before my family would see/talk to me again) but their love will eventually win out and they will accept you and will even campaign for Gay Marriage when they see how happy you are with you partner (when you find him). Link to comment
blue69 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Patience is key. You can't force anyone to change their beliefs. You can't expect someone to simply change overnight. Be true to yourself. Be honest with who you are. Sorry it isn't as smooth as you would like. Link to comment
Unusual U Posted March 21, 2009 Author Share Posted March 21, 2009 Yeah, I've pretty much avoided the subject, and I'm trying to be patient with them, but it's hard. I came out to one of my friends the other day, and I'm trying to work my way so that more of my friends know, so I can be more comfortable. . . . Link to comment
Jeight Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 So you hate your parents for standing up for their convictions? They were talking to you, not about you. I'm sure when they look at you they don't see a gay boy. They just see their son. It takes time to deal with something like this, especially for religious people, but eventually they'll come around. Link to comment
Unusual U Posted March 26, 2009 Author Share Posted March 26, 2009 Okay, well, I don't remember saying that I hate them, and if I did it was because I was angery. What I hate is their closed-mindedness. What I also hate is that I'm almost sure they know I'm gay but said it anyway. And now everytime the subject of gay marriage comes-up, like on the news or something, I get really nervous because I think they are gonna start asking me questions about it or something. I don't know why, but that's just how I feel. . . . Link to comment
StretchGee Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 What I hate is their closed-mindedness. What I also hate is that I'm almost sure they know I'm gay but said it anyway. Just because people don't agree with your views, that does not make the "close minded". That is a cop out to reject out of hand any views that differ from yours. If you think your parents are "almost sure they know your are gay", then you are living with a lie. That is your deal, not theirs. Maybe you are not ready to come out, but because of that do not expect them to read minds. And even when they know for sure, their views on marriage may not change. That is their right and they likely have very good reasons for those beliefs. Sorry to be so contrarian all the time, but once you realize your parents are different than you things can get a lot more amicable. Link to comment
Unusual U Posted March 27, 2009 Author Share Posted March 27, 2009 I understand what you're saying, but I'm just really frushtrated. . . . This isn't the only reason I call them "Close minded". It's like, if you don't agree with what they think, you're wrong, and I can't stand it! They constantly think that their way is the right way, what they think is the "right" opinion. They don't want to hear what other people's views are, and I don't understand it. . . . I know they are different than me, I get that, but. . . . I don't know, how they think is so closed off, and it's MEGA annoying. Link to comment
chiefoptimizer Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 I understand what you're saying, but I'm just really frushtrated. . . . This isn't the only reason I call them "Close minded". It's like, if you don't agree with what they think, you're wrong, and I can't stand it! They constantly think that their way is the right way, what they think is the "right" opinion. They don't want to hear what other people's views are, and I don't understand it. . . . I know they are different than me, I get that, but. . . . I don't know, how they think is so closed off, and it's MEGA annoying. That's parents for you Don't worry about it, just agree to disagree... Tell them them may be right, but you believe they are wrong. I never argue with mines until I have proper evidence and a bullet proof case that would stand in a court of law, but they still assume they are right and I'm wrong. In a few years time you will no longer be financially dependent on yours, and then you can make your own decisions. Link to comment
StretchGee Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 I understand what you're saying, but I'm just really frustrated. . . . This isn't the only reason I call them "Close minded". It's like, if you don't agree with what they think, you're wrong, and I can't stand it! They constantly think that their way is the right way, what they think is the "right" opinion. They don't want to hear what other people's views are, and I don't understand it. . . . I know they are different than me, I get that, but. . . . I don't know, how they think is so closed off, and it's MEGA annoying. I know it is frustrating. I have disagreements with my parents. We truly had to come to the point of 'agreeing to disagree', because it was a stalemate. At the risk of being crass, you are your parent's child: Your parents don't agree with you, and they are wrong. You think your way is the right way? You don;t want to hear other's views, or if you do you dismiss them? Ask any parent - their kids bizarre views can be MEGA annoying...but with maturity you will be able to accept this and move on. Link to comment
Unusual U Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 I'm not trying to say my way is the "right way". I'm just saying that my parents won't listen to any other views, I mean, that's what they believe. I probably wouldn't totally dismiss them if they even considered views of other people, but they don't. I don't know, it just bugs me. . . . Link to comment
biboy Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Well, They obviously are against it. That much is certain. Just agree to disagree like what the other members said. They where married man to woman so obviously they believe that its wrong, I'm not saying ALL straight couples are anti-gay But you're parents are. Just tell them that they are wrong because its happening to YOU not them. I have a quite understanding family but I know kids who are so unsure or they know that they are and they cannot tell their parents. Don't worry so much. Link to comment
Unusual U Posted April 1, 2009 Author Share Posted April 1, 2009 Agree to disagree? That's how everything is with my parents and myself. I was talking to my friend, she knows I'm gay and about my family, and she was like, "You were born into the totally wrong family." and it feels like that all the time. I don't feel comfortable, but I'm gonna have to deal with it so. . . . Yeah. Link to comment
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