Can someone please explain?

[confused3173]

I started dating this guy a few weeks after HE broke up with his girlfriend. We took things slow physically but got pretty serious pretty fast. He called everyday, took me awayon weekends, told me how happy I made him...how easy things were with me. We spent all our time together. Four months later I have to move away for 9 months - he tells me that he doesn't know if he is ready to get into another relationship but will see what happens. I move and within two weeks he became really distant with me. I come back to see him and he ends it with me. He tells me that he got scared...that he started to see us together forever and wasn't ready for that...AND that his ex has been contacting him and he is confused over his feelings for her and for me and that he needs time on his own to figure things out. I accept and I pretty much leave him alone. I know during this time he briefly got back together with her and broke up with her again.

 

I initiated contact a few times over the next six weeks. Six weeks later I am back in town and we go out for coffee. I know he is still dealing with his ex who still wants to work things out (but he tells me he does not) Out of nowhere he tells me that he broke up with me becuase he didn't think he could develop strong feelings for me. He said in the beginning he was really into me/into us because it was new but later on didn't think he could really care. It totally shocked me. I think back on our time together and to my recollection, he was always happy. He always told me how good I made him feel about himself and how beautiful he thought I was. Shouldn't there be a reason why? He said his ex girlfriend was only part of the reason. He said there was chemistry between us, that we had a lot in common but that he just could not feel it.

 

I don't understand why I never felt like he didn't feel it when we were together - he was always so happy? Why he tells me first that he could see us together forever and got scared and then that he couldn't develop feelings for me? I am moving on but I just can't make sense out of what happenned?

[successfull]

I hate to say it but it sounds like you, were a rebound, after your in a relationship for a while you sort of always need someone around. Just a quick guys point of view!

[confused3173]

I think there was definitely some rebound element there but.....

 

Does that mean that he would have never dated me had I not met him when I did?

 

Every word exchanged between us was just a lie?

 

Why do rebounds end?

 

We were compatible, there was a lot of chemistry - was it my timing or was it just that I just wasn't right for him - but why?

 

I thought rebounds happenned when you are dumped not when you are the dumper?

[GodsLittleBaby]

I agree... it does sound like you were a rebound. I know how it is... been there, done that. Yes, usually when you rebound, it's cause you got dumped, but maybe he wasn't sure of his feelings for her. I have two friends that kept breaking up over and over. First she broke up with him, then they got back together and he broke up with her... she broke up with him again... you know what I'm saying. Just remember these words of advice:

 

BOYS ARE STUPID - THROW ROCKS AT THEM!

 

I have a shirt like that. I love it!!

[confused3173]

then maybe I need to understand better

 

What is a rebound and why do they end? What did it mean?

 

He broke up with her - they were always fighting - only lasted a little over a year.

 

We never fought.

 

When he has healed from her or that - would he ever come back or was I just someone he used to fill up time.

[February]

Confused 3173, I know how you feel and I am so sorry. Listen, do you really want this guy back? Is it really him that you want back, or just the satisfaction of knowing that what you felt and how you thought he felt was something real? I ask myself this all the time and for me it is actually a little bit of both. So how did you all leave it? Did he say he would get in touch and hasn't? It is amazing to me the way men can push there feelings away. I do not understand how they do that. It sounded like he really did love you but when you had to leave for 9 months that made him nervous and scared and think ya know, do I want a long distance relationship? And it sounds as though this guy is being selfish right now. If I were you as hard as it is, I would move on and make it clear to him that you deserve someone who is going to adore you and be willing to stick with yoiu even if there is distance. If this guy is worth you and your time and what you had was as you said really great, I doubt he is going to find someone better than that. And you should think that way too. And also that it is HIS loss. He had his chance with this amazing woman and f'ed it up b/c "he wasn't ready" to feel that way. Come on, give me a break, you deserve better. The funny thing about life is just as you really move on and get over him, he will probably start calling you again. And hopefully by then he will either prove to you he is serious this time or you won't care. Good luck Confused 3173 it is hard...

[confused3173]

I think its a little bit of both - I want him back and I want to believe that what I felt and what I thought he felt was real. When we initially broke up he kept on saying it was the distance, admitted to being needy and admitted to being selfish about it. I know that should be enough for me to say this guy isn't worth my time - but I fall so rarely for someone. He was incredibly good looking and maybe its just easier for him to fall into a good relationship and that I was just one of many. I don't know. I don't understand how guys can just push away their feelings or relationships.

 

I hope you are right about them coming back when you start to move on. Its been two months without contact for me and its been hard! I hope you are doing well.

[medtranusa]

Rebounds relationships fail 75% of the time and it does not matter if it is with a dumpee or a dumper. If you do not deal with the relationship that just ended you cannot really go on with someone new. Just look out for yourself the next time you meet someone like him.