Feel Like everything is falling apart inside

[king6]

I had posted a thread in the getting back together area.. Everything has gone south since then. There is no chance of getting back together. My ex gf of 6yrs now has called it quits completely. I just cannot understand how she could go from fully in love with me, wanting a family, marriage, everything.. to I want nothing to do with you. She has told me shes leaving her options open, then that shes seeing someone, and even to the point that " I see him everyday" "hes a man that knows how to treat a woman" " you need to know how to treat a woman". It hurts so much that shed say these things, and it bugs me that she would after only knowning him for such a short while, and she never has the kids around when shes with him. If hes so great, why do the kids have to be out of the picture? She never got sitters for me and her to be together. Today, she brought my son some clothes/medicine.. since Im taking him for the 2nd weekend in a row. I expressed my love for her and apoligized for things I have done to hurt her. I told her Id do my best to make her happy as possible and attend counesling with her. I looked deep into her eyes while doing so, and I saw nothing. She no longer loves me, her feelings are gone.. I tryed to hug her, but she wouldnt.. not even a good bye hug. she doesnt look at me the same, and I cannot wrap my mind around it, it seems unreal that our relationship has come to this..I never thought it would happen.. Shes all dressed up, ready to go out, changing everything about her style.. and here I am.. sitting in my same old empty house, same old everything, taking care of my son alone.

I just wish that I knew how easy it is for her to move on without the thought of a second chance and give up her dreams of a family with me and Im stuck in love, wishing that I was with her. Everything ive done these past years were all to building our family together. I bought a home for us, I had a baby with her,I literally worked everyday and returned home. I didnt go out, I didnt see freinds, I didnt have fun hobbies to do. I did the things she wanted me to, I gave her freedom, I supported her for the past 2 years, I did everything, but show more effection and shower her with gifts (but shes unappreciative, it wouldnt have matterd, Ive payed for everthing in the past 2 years, and she doesnt even care now, she thinks it was my responsibility to since we were together. )

I dont like going out to bars, im past that phase, I dont like hanging out at partys, Im past that phase, Im 25 (im young, but I know what I want in my life), have been with my ex for 6yrs,She was my first real relationship,first love,first girl ive been with intimatly, I acceped her 6yr old daugher as my own, and having a baby with her (now 2) and that is all I ever wanted. I wanted to continue working everyday to support my family, and come home to spend time with my kids everyday. I want the family life, I want someone to commit to, and I want someone to love and be loved by. Have more kids and watch our family grow. However I never told her, and I alwase brushed it off when she talk about it. So now she thinks im wishy washy.. because it took her leaving for me to open up.

I dont know where to go from here, moving on is seeming to be more and more difficult. Ive tried cutting off contact, but its just not working since I have a child with her. At times I feel like, Yes, Everything is going to be great, she was no good for me (and honestly she is terrrible because she has ALOT, ALOT Of problems.). Most of the time, I feel like I lost half my soul, My best friend, my only companion, the person that really knows who I am. I cannot do anything with out thinking about her, We were together alot, and went through alot of good and bad, including losing a baby before my son, which I wasent there for as much as I should have been. I went out to the bar the other night, and just kept thinking how much I missed going to the bar with her, how she was better then every girl I saw there, I love her so much and shes what I want in a girl in everyway, but her problems (mainly her family) are terrible and the root of all our bad times together. Yet id be willing to put up with them because I love her.

Everyone says im better off with out her and that something will come my way. but I just cant picture my self with anyone else. . Going out to the bar the previous night just reasured me that I just dont really feel like putting the effort into meeting new women. It seems difficult, pointless, more problems, and I cant imagine falling in love with anyone,anyone falling in love with me or meeting a girl to my standards. I also cant comprehend meeting someone that wants what I do.. at a bar,party/club. I know its to early to really be searching for the right someone, but I have a huge void in my heart, and nothing that I used to love to do is fixing it. Im not interested in the things I used to do, I dont even want to be at work, I hate being at home, when I am home I just want to sit alone or take some form of sleep aid to pass the time.

Im over the fact that she could be with someone else, it doesnt even bug me anymore. What did bug me is how shes claiming hes so much better then I am. I feel that Id take her back even after being with another guy, no matter what ive said before..

I know everyone eventually breaks up with aperson they love, Everyone goes through this, But I never have.

And having a child with this person is making it very difficult to get past the days. Since I do have a son with her, there needs to be some sort of contact, and I will see her when she picks him up/drops him off. And I just feel horrible when I do. She calls me/texts me to see if Ill take him.. so she can go be with this guy alone. She doesnt want me to have anymore custody of my son then mininum visitiation, which is 4 days a month. I want 50/50 because I love my son and He is all I have now. But shes going to fight it as hard as she can and I honestly dont think I have the patience for it.

 

I just dont understand. Im starting to hate life. Because Ive worked so hard for the past years, and have changed so much, Ive put up with alot, and gave alot of chances over to her, and what I get in the end is nothing.

Not a single thank you. Not a ounce of appreciation. No recognition..no second chance to make things right, She just takes more, walks all over me, and continues to hurt me. The other night my parents and I had called her (and recorded it) To talk about my son, custody issues, things I wanted that I had bought for him, and when she was going to pick him up

I dont know if any of this makes sense, Im a mess in my head. Confused about everything, broad sided by this break up, and just depressed in general about how Ill be living my life from here out. Its even keeping me from bonding with my son...

Im successful, I own my own home that is upper middle class, 3 cars, boat, "toys", I have a rewarding job (but not ideal or well respected since its blue collar) . Im financially stable, been saving like 6k this past year for things i had planned for our family this summer/ also getting a new car.

Yet im living in a nearly empty house alone, virtually freindless, dont have anyone to talk to through out the week (not anyone that cares anyway) Im not very outgoing or talkative, Im confident about my self, but not very good around the ladies (what to talk about) and I think I come accrossed as a boring shy type. Yet I know that im 110% more exciting/interesting then the guy that runs his mouth all night..however women have no interest in anything I have to say.

 

I dont know what im asking, Just need some type of guidance.. I love this girl so much, despite everything bad that we have gone through, ive learned to forgive for it. She hasent, she dwells, she looks at the past as whats going to continue in the future, and shes not willing to make and changes in her self.

I love her, and it probaly has to do with her being my first everything, and being with her for so long.. How can I get over her? she keeps telling me to go find someone else, go get drunk and get layed.

But I have to much respect for my self. I think thats what she already did.. because normally shes obssesive, controling, totaly in love with me, all about wanting my kids, overly jealous..... and her reasoning for the break up now is "shes not happy, shes been unhappy to much, we have alot of bad times together, were not right for each other, I dont hug or kiss her enough, or buy her things.

[UCLAMike]

Spoiled brats don't change. It has become their ego at some point in their youth.

 

Both men and women have been saying this for centuries. This kind of a woman will drag you deeper and deeper down the hole. This is the woman the bible warns you to stay away from because she will captivate you, castrate you, and in the end kill you.

 

I know you want specifically tailored input to your story but I've read them and you really don't need one because you won't see it. Having a child with this woman won't change anything as you saw. She will ditch them too. She can have new kids with her new man. She will ditch him and her new kids too if she wants something else. She will not change. Not today, not next year, and not in 10 years. Not until she is old, faded, worn out, ugly and all alone. She will screw up the new relationship soon as well. Maybe not right away but these kind of women will abruptly leave a happy family with 2 kids in her new relationship when a new need and want rises. I've seen this happen in real life. A woman left her 3 kids in Jr. High to go live with another man in some ghetto place. She regrets it with her life.

 

If you wish to retain some life remaining in you, you need to get yourself back. Cast out this Jezebel and for G's sake stop supporting her. She isn't your wife and it isn't in your place to pay for her things.

 

Be a doormat and people will step over you. Isn't that what a doormat is for? Get your balls back. You have a right to get angry. Cut the crap dude this woman is poison.

 

I am sorry to be so blunt but what you need right now is to be told some truth and you need to get angry. Get that cloud and veil in front of your eyes and take back your territory from evil ones.

 

In the next few months, take good care of yourself. This is your first love and first big trial in your life. But you will be fine. I am going through the same thing just not with kids involved. Get it together, for yourself and for the kids. You can heal and get your full power back. Have courage.

 

I met a very similar woman with basically no empathy and self-absorbed, except God spared me the life long emotional damage and before kids by her dumping me. I am so glad I asked her to marry me in the way I did. Deep down inside, after 7 months and fresh NC, I am so glad she did.

 

I recommend listening to Boys II Men - Doin Just Fine. I listen to it on repeat throughout the day and you have no idea how empowering the melody and lyrics is.

[king6]

Sad part is I know just that, she is horrible and she will continue to do this forever. But im so attached to her it just seems unnatural to be with out her.

 

Also about supporting her, I supported her right after my son was born, she couldnt work right after and I didnt want my son being taken care of by other people. So I let her be a stay at home mom .Otherwise, before him, she was paying half towards everything (back when we lived in an apt) This last fall she stoped being a stay at home mom and started going to school full time. Thats when all our problems really started getting bad. The deal was I supported her to be at home with the kids, not to go to school while other people watched my kids. But I ended up doing it anyway , up until january when I mentioned she should move out if she didnt like it, and she did and things have gotten worse ever since, even though she moved to a house about 2 miles from me.

Theres so much detail I could explain.. but I guess its kinda pointless because I know this girl is Awful. We had a conversation last night on the phone, my parents were recording the entire thing.. It was about my son, custody, things I bought for him, and about when shed pick him up. Every other word was the F word, she was literally yelling and screaming at me on the phone. Her parents were in the back round doing the same thing.. calling me a loser, dead beat dad, "F that you aint gettin no custody".. It was awful, and the entire time I was completely calm and just asking questions, not actually talking to her. It probaly lasted 10min, and 60sec of it was me actually talking. I was trying to discuss 50/50 custody, a car seat and toys I had bought.. and for her to pick him up that night.. because she was 3hrs late ( I ended up keeping him). The way she has been treating my recently is just horrible, and I dont know why. My parents know her quite well, and told me shes trying to manipulate, she wants to be in control, how shes talking is so that she feels in control, shes showing off to people around her, shes unsure of her self and just beligerant with power.

Id love to get that recording on the net, It would probaly become a huge thing.. I think its going to be a huge deal in court for custody of my son. It shows just how out of control she is , and her family.

 

Im just not sure where to go from here.. Where do you meet Good girls looking for the same things Im interested in? I dont want a instant family or expect the perfect girl, but I also dont want to go through another girl like this or worse. Seems like 6 yrs wasted of my life. I have a baby boy, but she doesnt even want me to have him and I cant give him a stabile family now, since shes involved.

[JohnGalt]

Same exact (almost) situation here man. It sucks.

[UCLAMike]

screwed up kids come from screwed up parenting. USE WISDOM!!! Stop being taken advantage of!!! Consider it a generational curse. I really feel for you man but keep your distance from her unless it's related to kids.

[mr me]

I guess ill share certain things ive had to learn from my experience being in a similar relationship. The whole acting like everything is ok with her and her seeming like she moved on is bogus. Its just her bottling up her feelings and not dealing with them. So later on somewhere she will end up seeing how everything she did was completely different then she acted. That is unless she just stays the same. I had to struggle with knowing that because i was so attached and in someways still am that i wouldnt have cared waiting for her to change. Im probably the worst case scenario tho because my whole life has been a complete mess with my break-up and everything else in my life going down hill at the same time. I feel like some of that had to do with her but im trying to just control myself because thats all i can do at the end of the day.

 

Im not a break-up expert but its really gonna be important to use anything you can to help you. It seems like your family is there for u so use that to the fullest extent. Its still hard because it has alot to do with yourself and no one can really help you with that. I still struggle with thinking about how ill meet someone else and am probably still not ready. Its just the thing is itll happen when it does so you might not even be looking for it or doing anything for it to happen. I also see that alot of people end up being in really bad relationships and somehow turn it around and find someone thats good for them. Its just hard because sometimes you want it to happen now and patience isnt always easy to have especially when you have been hurt like that. Ill also say to be careful before you go into any relationships too soon. I ended up having 2 rebounds which i told myself that they were better than my ex and in reality they werent. It was really short and i just kinda got more heart-broken. Its just i guess for some people rebounds work for them. I also think the hardest thing out of all of this is to find out what you could work on so that this doesnt happen again. Its alot of soul searching and dealing with the truth even if it hurts. I guess also not being so hard on yourself even if something similar does happen. Its just i dont ever want to go thru something like what i went thru before again so im ready to wait but i kinda need to be careful what i wish for because its been a very long process for me. I guess if anything just keep going and hopefully thru good or bad you can end up making this better for yourself.

[king6]

My honest gut feeling says this is not over. I looked her straight in the eyes today, as she was trying to leave, and I asked her "this is what you want? you want to be done forever? " She said, yes, I do.. And what I felt from that was she looked sincere, but unsure. Yet right before that, when I was talking to her, she kept telling me things I was doing wrong in our relationship (changeable things) and just looked confused as to what her really feelings were.

 

She was really crazy about being married up till the day of the break up. I think she actually set a deadline that I had to engage her on our aniversary (she broke up the next day). It doesnt make sense to me, She went out that night, as did I, and I called her and had an argument with her. The very next day, she gave me a ride to my car, told me I was going to lose my family, I thought this was just another argument so I was going to let it cool off, I said somethings I probaly shouldnt have, in a sarcastic way I called her a loser. That night I didnt talk to her. The next day I talk to her again and she says she done with me, done for good. I was caught off guard and started pleading with her trying to figure out what was going on. She told me she was unhappy, and something along the lines that I left her vulnerable. From then on she was a total * * * * * anytime I talked to her, alwase yelling on the phone, hanging up, not answering, telling me shes to stressed to deal with me. She avoided seeing me, she avoided talking to me, She wouldnt allow me to see my son because she didnt want to see me. I went to her house, and nobody would answer the door, yet I could see her friend through the window, telling me "shes not here" Yet I plainly heard them talking. Alot of my chasing her has to do with Just wanting to get some answers, I could not allow 6yrs to go out the window after a simple phone call.

At some point I actually get to see her, since she comes to get my son from my house. She tells me she doesnt want to be together, shes done with me. That Nothing can be fixed. I ask if shes seeing someone else, and she tells me No, but im leaving my options open. Further on during the week I find out shes been seeing a guy, that she met through that same friend I mentioned. Also those 2 nights after our aniversary, she was at partys/bars with that same friend. Shes been hanging around with that friend alot before our break up.

I wanted to know what was really going on, so I started asking.. It took a while to get answers, but those answers were " I see him all the time" "ive known him for 5 days (its been about 14days now since break up). Yet she tells someone else its been 3 days, Also " Hes a real MAN, and knows how to treat me" " You need to know how to treat a woman". Oh and that "hes gradudate from college, owns a house,car, had a good job" Shes been getting dressed up alot, and leaving both kids with sitters alot. Often full days and over night. Ive been taking my son the last 2 weekends, and a few days out of the week. Just this friday, I had picked up my son from my grandparents, they had him since 7am to 5pm, I took him and was going to keep him till 10pm, but she never showed. Turned out she had been at the casino, with a whole bunch of people (a suburban and trail blazer full)

The only answer I can come up with is, She got drunk, slept with some guy that 2nd night, maybe on purpose, maybe not. Could not bare the guilt, took her anger out on me, avoided seeing me/talking to me because of what she had done. Has had an attitude ever since to keep this guy on stand by so he doesnt think she wants me still. And shes clinging to this relationship with that guy because she believes its worth something since its new and its fun. When I have talked to her and told her my feelings, I felt she was very unsure, confused, she kept changing the subject and wouldnt answer questions.

 

But I dont think it will last.

I strongly feel shell be back at my door step, it may take some time. I AM the better guy. I feel that I am a great guy and there must be women out there looking for someone just like me (where are they). And She will eventually realize it.

 

However I do have some doubt, maybe she really is done and over.

 

I guess it really doesnt matter at this point, im trying really hard to move past this, without having to hate her. Just wondering if maybe im on the right track.

 

I often compare all these events with what happened 2 years ago. Just before my son was conceaved, I had bought my house, about a month into living in my house, I really noticed she was straying and she wasent home until very late a night. One day, like any other day, I had gone fishing with my brother, and she went to lunch with my step mom. When I came home that night, she wasent there. Her daughter was, along with her brother baby sitting. I got in touch with her and she said she was just having some beers with freinds. She never came home. The next morning she came home, and went straight to the couch.. I dont think I slept a wink and heard her come in. I confronted her and she told me that she didnt feel the same towards me anymore, nothing feels the same, sex doesnt feel the same, shes interested in other guys. I started asking more questions, and right away she got up, started getting dressed, grabbed her kid and that was it. She wouldnt answer her phone, wouldnt see me, I chased her around trying to confront her with not luck. Luckily I worked at the same place, and I confront her there. She did everything to avoid me, and wouldnt talk to me, when she did .. she was very mean. I got no answers, but that she wanted to be done with me. I wouldnt let go and kept trying, I had changed locks on my doors as request from my father, and that really made her mad. She was escorted into my house to get things one day, and that was when I confronted her and told her how I felt and she told me she had kissed a guy. From then on it was a strange time, and I was the one feeling sorry for her. She cryed to me telling me how worthless of a mother she is, and on and on about her problems. Long story short, I took her back, got her pregnant, 3 months later I find out she was sleeping with another guy. All the actions seem very similar to now, except that now she knows she cannot come back, or this seems like something real to her.

 

I feel that she still loves me just as much as she did. Her feeling are the same, but shes confused and blinded by what shes done.

Im just tired of wondering what did I do wrong. She had texted me during the middle of the week of all this, and told me " I wanted you to know , the problem is me, and until i fix it, there is nothing for me." I had told her I wanted her to try and fix it, because I want our family " She then told me she doesnt think she can, and she doesnt feel she can fix it with me"

[king6]

Today she came and picked up my son, I called her to pick him up and I kept it breif and simple only about my son. Its hard to see her, and its hard to see her so distant from me.. It reminds me of everytime shed get angry at me, she would distant her self from me and just be completely rude. At first when getting my son ready for her to take, I just cracked the door open and told her, hell be ready in a few. Then I closed the door. As I gave him to her, I just cracked the door open enough for him to go out to her. I then mentioned I think he just craped his pants right before I put his coat on so she might need to change him. She tells me that I have to, or shes going to bring it up in court. So I said ok, Ill do it. Instead she shoves me out of the way comes in my house, brings him up stairs and starts changing his diaper, And says FORGET IT, ILL DO IT, ONLY TAKES ME LIKE 30sec. She leaves the diaper on my stairs and says, There ya go, DEAL WITH IT. I just watched her walk out the door and said, ok have a nice day. Shes like YAH you to.

 

Just as she was leaving, I rememberd she still has my car and house key from when we were together, So I call her and ask for them, and she says shell do it later. She then starts ranting to me about how her daughter wants to wear a dress for church today, and how shes crying that I moved all of their things out of my house. And that I dont spend time with her, that shes needs father daughter time. I told her give it a few weeks before we do this. I just need some time to heal from this and get over it, but it seems like shes finding anyway she can to keep me from doing that.

Her daughter isnt mine, but Ive alwase accepted her as my own. We were never married, AND shes now with another guy.. So what.. this kids going have like 3 different father figures in her life?

Im not sure how to handle the situation with her daughter. Shes 6, confused, and very hurt. But I dont want to keep a father like attachment to her if Im not with her mother. its such a crappy situation, and its all due to her mother. And it really feels like shes putting the blame on me. Everytime she talks to me, shes rude, inconsiderate, * * * * * y, mean, shes distant and it seems like shes just using me.. as if Im the most hated guy to her, and shes only putting up with me because she has to for my sons sake. Ive been calm, poletie, generous, trying to kill her with kindness to keep on her good side..

 

What the hell is going to through this chicks head to make her act like this.. I just wish she could be normal. This weekend I wasent saposed to be keeping my son, but I think she tricked my into doing it so I couldnt go out. Everytime I talked to her and told her I had plans for the weekend she said "what so you can go out and get drunk and get laid" " or I hope you do get laid, I hope you do" . She said it quite a few times.. Why does she care?

 

My family has been extremely generous to her over the past 6years, Her family has done absolutely nothing for me in the entire time. Her dad gave me a 12pack of pop once for xmas, but I think he got it free. yay. My family watchs the kids for her, they helped her with school, got her jobs, gave her money, borrowed her money, bought her and both kids many things, They watch either kid on the spot, no strings attached no questions asked. Her parents will watch them maybe a few hrs if they get paid for it. They helped her get her cars fixed, with financial trouble, with legal matters, with medical.. The list is endless. They have been extremely great to her. And shes now burning all those bridges to them. Shes rude, inconsiderate, she drops the kids off and leaves, picks them up and leaves.. she doesnt even talk to them, she doesnt give thanks, she acts like they are the worst people. And they did nothing to her.

[kmae23]

Doesn't sound like you have done anything wrong. You need to think of yourself at this time. People think they want someone who will give them everything, but really most people don't feel secure when this happens. It sounds like she had a lot of control in the relationship, even though she pushed for it, this cannot make her happy. It needs to be 50/50 and you need to push for that. Now it comes down to the children. You have to respect yourself and let her know that KNOW you deserve better than this treatment. She doesn't feel full respect for you because you do not show respect for yourself.

 

I am sure this is really painful for you. And the thought of her being with another man...wow. But I am sure it is nothing, she will most likely come back when she wakes up and realizes what it is that she has done. You will have to think about what to do when that happens. I am sure she is moving fast, not thinking and just going with the flow. This can't last forever. Her mind seems very clouded. Just wait.

 

Listen, she is yanking those kids around. Have you given it to her straight? Or do you continue to let her walk all over you? Tell her, don't accuse me of going out and getting drunk and laid, that is what you are doing. So I don't want to hear it. Tell her, I was there for you because we had a commitment and I love you. We do not have that commitment anymore, the sooner you realize it the better. You do not have the right to control my emotions any longer. I have let you do that too much already. I think you are being a selfish, immature person. I will take turns watching our son. 50/50. But I have a life too and I just don't live to accommodate your every whim. I am not going to take care of you any longer. Your new boyfriend can do that. I love these children and will be there for them, but I will not be involved in your drama. I am going out this weekend. You need to spend some time sober with your children. Especially after all of the changes that you have made lately. I will not take responsibility for your actions. It is time you grew up, maybe this change will be good for you. Maybe it will teach you to be thankful for things in life, instead of thinking everyone owes you something. I am sick and tired of the way you have treated me and my family. All because we loved you. I know I deserve better than that. etc etc etc. You think you are moving on to greener pastures, well have you stopped to consider that maybe it is really me that is moving on to someone who will treat me with equality and respect? You don't deserve to be treated better just because you are a women and I am a man. What have you ever done for me? Maybe it is you who needs to learn how to treat a man.

 

Stop living her life, stop making excuses for her! Stop babysitting her emotions. Stop trying to figure out what is wrong with her so you can fix her. You are making her dependent on you by doing this. Let her take care of herself for once. That is the only way she will ever, ever learn!

[king6]

I think you are very right about all of that, I am trying my very best not to think about her and try to work on me. I actually started working out..at home anyway.. Its more then Ive done.. ever. But everything still reminds me of her, even after everything of hers is gone. Im thinking about buying a new bed spread, and moving my whole room upstairs next to my sons.. just to change my world a little bit.

In all fareness, I wasent the best guy. I started to get very distant from her and didnt kiss/hug, tell her I loved her as much as I could have, but it was mainly because of how she was acting. I dont approve of how she handles the kids, she yells and screams at them, then spanks. Ive never done that and I feel that both kids actually listen to me (when she isnt around). If I tell my son its time to change his diaper, he will let me. When she does, hell run and fight her the whole time, usually it takes a few trys of screaming and yellinh before she actually gets up and chases him. Generally shes just a * * * * * y type of person all the time, Id get home from working a 10hr day, find a bag of garbage at my door step, have to toss that way.. then shovel snow off my driveway. when I finally walk through the door Im getting yelled at for coming home late, then because I dont appreciate that she cleaned the kitchen. It was always small things that set her off, and usually that I didnt worship her over normal everyday things People just do for their self (wash clothes, clean, cook food). I mean, I do the same things, I even cooked for her many times.. Ive cleaned our bathrooms, I cleaned a whole living room that she was using as storage area.. and I got nothing and expected nothing. OH, and she reclaimed that living room as a storage area.. that pist me off more. She was also taking care of the kids full time, BECAUSE I allowed her to, I admit, I missed out on alot of things for my son, these past 2 weekends is the longest ive ever been with him alone. I never had to worry about him all day, I didnt do my share of changing diapers, feeding him, or taking him to the doctor. But I did play with him when I could, I spent as much time around him as I could. I figured since she was a stay at home mom, she was to do alot of these things. Afterall, she had the freedom to do what she wanted, go where she wanted, and buy anything she wanted.. anyday of the week. I was stuck working 50hrs+ a week, and taking care of the home needs.

Her family is of a bad type of people and they intrude into every part of her life and screw it up. Her mom is unemployed (been that way for 8yrs),used to be a nurse, no car, no income, divorced, lost custody of her kids, does drugs with her ex, 4 kids, 2 different dads.. and my ex has told me just recently that she had a long hard talk with her mom about our relationship, and that she decided she wasent happy and could do better, and that was her pivotal moment.

And now my ex is following her foot steps. She has been working so hard to finish school, volunteering, studying and doing everything possible, while juggling kids in the other hand. She failed her final exam, and now she has to start all over. Everything done, all the money spent, the grant she got, all shot into the drain. Shes living in a HRA house, and doesnt pay anything towards it. Shes claiming child support on me already. She says shes getting child care assitance, and shes going to continue voluneteering instead of working, because she will receive more $ for assitance

She refused to move her things from my house since she moved out, and even after the break up. Once I found out she was with another guy,and being put through all this misery.. I sucked it up and took a full day off work, bought a buch of industrial bags and packed up 2 trailer loads full of her things and brought it to her house. All by my self.

That same night, she texted me " Thank you for my stuff, but you forgot your sons stuff" That damn near set me off the chain for the next 2days. At one point I called her and started asking about this guy, and the end of our conversation I told her, you know what, I hate you. You are horrible. Im glad you failed school, because your a loser and you are getting what you deserve! I felt bad for that.

 

Today she had picked up my son, and then asked me when will I see him next, we agreed the next weekend, and Ill take him this upcoming thursday. 6hrs late she texts me asking if ill take him this tuesday because a baby sitter backed out. I havent responded, I dont think Im going to.

My dads fiance has been telling me I should take him every chance I get, But I dont want to be used by her. She says I cant think of it that way. BUT IT IS JUST THAT! shes using me and keeping me along. She likes the fact that I still love her and sorrow for her. But im done expressing what I feel for her and getting rejected.

 

I havent given it to her straight. I DID actually write about a 5 page letter on her computer, right after I wiped the hard drive clean, packed it all up and brought it to her (yes thats right, I had to bring that to her to, otherwise I knew i would be blamed for her failing school) ive asked a few times if she set it up yet, and she hasent. Shows how much she needed it.. But i basically explains all of the bad things shes done to me over the years, how I felt unapprecited, disrespected, That I deserve better, but it wasent a hate letter, and I made it known that I Do love her and wanted the best for us.

 

Right now I hope someday she wakes up. But I fear when she does, I will already be done with her. Life is TONS less stressful with out her, and her phone ringing off the hook constantly. I come home to a empty house and feel lonely, but I honestly felt lonely when she was living with me, and I also felt belittled, and unappreciated.

 

I have no plans of meeting someone. You know Ive been wanting to buy my self a new suv for a long time. Because im tired of crappy beater cars and they cant pull my boat. She has a newer SUV and we used that alot.We often went out and looked at dealerships together, But I actually feared she was going to move out on me (like many months before this) and I wouldnt be able to pay for it. Im going to work my ass off and save every penny for the next cple months and Im going to get it.

 

 

I think when I asked her to move out, It had to do with alot about her not appreciateing the things Ive done for her. After she moved out, I always asked her how shoveling her own drive way was, how taking our her own garbage was, how paying for her own bills was, how having to fix things around the house was. I didnt get the response I was looking for, her dad was having his freinds to do it for her.

I cant wait for her car to have a major break down, Everytime there was a problem, I was to blame, I had to fix it, and I had to pay for it.. because thats my sons transportation. 1year ago, the motor blew up on her old car, and she went on vacation for 3 weeks to visit a cousin in another state, and guess who had to have that car fixed by the time she got back.. WHILE working, and living alone Never got any appreciation for it. A month later she sold the car, and bought a suv. All the work and money I put into it, I got nothing back.

 

Its not that I strive to be appreciated for the things I do, I never asked for a thank you or expected it. It sure would have been nice, but I could have lived without. The thing that gets me is, She has the nerve to justify all the things Ive done for her,saying I had to them, it was besides the point, it doesnt matter, we were together, and what really gets to me.. it she alwase told me that I Never do those things. "" you never do this, you never do that" You never wash the dishes, you never change your sons diaper". I might not do it ALL the time, I might not do it often, but I have done those things, and can keep doing them

 

About meeting new freinds.

I dont know how to really, Alot of my freinds are mainly aquaintences, I have face book, and have like 50 people on it and know everyone, but not anyone I would just hang out with. Alot of them I know from my brother or cousin (who are probaly my only real freinds)

My step mom has told me about a religions group at her church thats for people in my age group.. But im not active in church, or religious at all for that matter. I dont really belief in a faith. She doesnt really know this, she just thinks I hate going to church.

And shes really pushing for me to go to the group, but they do alot praying and religious stuff, and im just not sure I will fit in/can handle it.?

[king6]

Sorry for such long post's, but I think this helps to get alot of this off my mind.

 

It feels unreal that all this is happening. When I think about it, it seems just like that movie "click". I dont even feel like I was there for all this, I was physically but I wasent mentally, Now Ive lost everything that I wanted, and she keeps telling me its to late. Why is it to late? we could alwase start off small, and work on it together. 6yrs+family/kids+home+everything she wanted= give it all up, to be with someone she just met?

I know this person like the back of my hand, I know more about her then I do my self, but everything that is happening is just so off the wall. This is the same person who told me they loved me every single day, who looked into my eyes and told me they would be with me no matter what ALL the time. She alwase told me how happy she was that she was with me, How I was so much better then all her freinds guys. That she loved our family, loved the things I did, loves my family, She had a good relationship with them. She expressed that she wanted as many kids as she could get from me, very often that she wanted a daughter that looked like me (because my son is an exact copy of me, is unreal) She was all about marriage, making us work. Same person that was overly jealous of me, dreamed that Id cheat on her, and cryed to me in the morning that it seemed so real and felt that I did it. (she actually did this the morning of our aniverseray.. the day before she left me ) Same person that would throw temper tantrums to the point that cops would need to be involved, just because I went out 1 night out of a month. She wanted a baby so bad,and other times she didnt and I wasent willingly giving it right now because we had to much going on. I never used any form of birth control with her, If it happened, it happened. She wont tell me that she loves me now, she says she cares about me, its not that she doesnt love me, but shes not IN love with me.

But I guess thats how it goes with women? Ive been reading, seems like women base love all on emotions. And shes all mixed up, because some guy took interest in her and perhaps she thinks is more then it really is.

 

I am sure she is moving fast, not thinking and just going with the flow. This can't last forever. Her mind seems very clouded. Just wait.

from my perspective, seems like she is moving fast. Shes been doing alot lately, seems very busy, more then normal. And shes been filling her days with alot of activitys on the go... She doesnt even pick up or drop off my son on time.. usually 1-2hrs late. which really bugs me.. because Im sitting around waiting on her.

Everytime I see her, shes all dressed up, she cut her hair shorter (she knows I dont like) Shes got more make up on (she never wore make up, unless we went out for the night and it was very little make up). The other day she had these huge earings on.. and she never wears earings (good thing, because they looked hideous). Shes out spending all her money she got from her tax return.. Just from what Ive been told, She has to have gone through half of it already. Her tax return she screwed me on to, I trusted her enought to bring mine in when she did hers, She claimed her self and daugher, I claimed my son. Even though I fully supported her for the last year. She got like twice back what I did. She is a shopper and has alwase been addicted to shopping/buying crap she wont use and it seems like everytime she gets money, this happens. Her family & freinds latch on tight, and she wants nothing to do with me. its been that way ever since I started dating her. Everytime she got tax's/large amount of money.. She wanted to be around freinds and family, and my voice was nothing. When the money is gone, she starts to settle down.

 

But I am sure it is nothing, she will most likely come back when she wakes up and realizes what it is that she has done. You will have to think about what to do when that happens

Ive been a fool twice now. She cheated before, and Im positive she cheated/been with a guy now. If she comes back, Everything will change, on her end. And she wont be reclaiming her position in my home, not for a long time. Ill need to know that she has changed. And Its going to be hard to believe her.

I kinda hope when this time comes, Im already so used to being with out her.. that the thought of having her again makes me sick.

[kmae23]

It sounds like she was scared and ran away from her fear instead of facing it. It wasn't you, this all sound like normal new family things. It is very common for the one to stay home and take care of the kids and the other to go and work and then the both to feel unappreciated. A bit of counseling could have likely solved this. But perhaps she was scared and that has spurred all of this. By the way, I always think it is men that is driven by emotions! At least my recent ex and the ones before. Just because he found other women attractive he would think that meant that I am not so attractive anymore. So he would stop wanting an intimate relationship. It's good at least that you can come here and talk about it.

[king6]

Not sure if shes scared. I feel like she wasent getting what she wanted fast enought, the ring wasent put on her finger when she wanted and she said she was done waiting. She kept telling me she wasent waiting forever, that she wanted to be married now.

It was like a everyday thing, she alwase brought up marriage, and kept asking me about a ring she showed me a the jewelry store, even had it cutout of a magazine and on the fridge. I never told her I wouldnt marry her, but I did fight the subject alot. I Feel that I would stay with her forever, married or not. And if she cannot do that with me, then there is no reason to be married. I feel marriage is contract, not a commitment. Ive been commited and faithful to her for 6years, she hasent.

I wanted to be with her forever, I still cant imagine anyone else, and Ive never strayed from her in even the slightest way. But everything going on now is really opening up my eyes, Had I got a ring, this still would have happened eventually.

Im not allowing her back until she fixs her self. She might not even come back, im confused about it all because I thought I really knew who she was, but this all makes me feel I dont even know who she is. Shes been with other guys before me, so sex isnt a that huge a deal to her as it is me probaly.., but shes never had a relationship over 6months before me, I just feel that being together for 6yrs created a huge bond thats still going to be hard for her to tear away..even after whats going on now. Well, I guess I atleast hope I ment something in her life.

[king6]

Is it normal for a dumper to not give any explanation or express feelings at all?

Just feel that after all this time together, Id get more then " Im not happy, We are done, We cant fix this, Its to late" and complete avoidence. Also the attitude/temper/rudeness Ive been getting is just uncalled for. Ive done nothing to hurt her or do anything wrong? I could understand If I had cheated on her or something..

It seems like one day she decides its over and is going to treat me like the person she hates the most because we arent in a relationship.

 

I wrote her 2 letters since the break up, that she did get. I wasent begging her back, but I was explaning somethings that she has mentioned during times I talked to her on the phone. It felt like she was blaming me for everything, anything I did wrong, anything I said wrong, So I had to clear the air and tell her how I really felt about things, and my intentions with our relationship. And I made it very Real, that what is happening is real, and its going to destroy the family we have been working on. And that if this is truly what she wants, Ill let her have it, but we need to figure out something for both kids.

She didnt give so much as a acknowledgement towards either.. Ever.

I guess I feel better, knowing that I did tell her things I never opened up to about, but on the other hand I feel like a tool.

[king6]

Thanks for this, I actually just texted her something of the same version, because you put it to so right.

I also Blocked all incoming texts from her, I dont want to hear what she has to say. She can think about it. I know its been a couple days now and I havent really talked to her, and I think shes some what respecting my choice of NC, but I just feel somethings must be said, I want to end this on my terms.

Shes the unacceptable, shes the one that made it to late, that did something she cant forgive her self for, even if I could. Shes the one that ran from all her problems and tryed to start something new, she might not come out and say it , But I know it. Im sure she will never admit to her faults, because she doesnt want to be known as that person to me, or my family. She wouldnt even come to terms last time she cheated, she kept telling me it was nothing, it barely happened, .. All I can say is she took those problems with her to her new relationship, Shes already with someone, I cant see it working out well since she was " so in love with me" Just weeks ago, and I did nothing to change that. She left her self vulnerable, she let her self get the best of her and she screwed up what she had.

Im just going to wait for something to come my way.