Today is the time for a change.

[messedup85]

So I had posted a thread on here about my sex life with my boyfriend how it has taken a down fall. I have spent the last two days thinking about what was suggested and how I can change things in my sex life. I have come to the realization I am avoiding everything in my life. Any human contact, any excitement or fun. I wake up every morning wanting to cry my eyes out, not wanting to leave the house because someone may notice me.

 

I deal with people everyday in my job and when I talk to people I don't look them in the eye, I don't actually listen to them. What is going through my mind is how I should respond to what they are saying without being judged badly by them. I have realized I am paranoid of rejection, confrontation, and being noticed for who I am. My physical appearance does not make me happy I am overweight by about 50 lbs the heaviest I have ever been. I am so scared of this wiehgt gain. It turned me into a totally other person. I always tell myself if the weight comes off then the happiness will come. Why can't it come now? Because I am OBSESSING over it. I am OBSESSING over all the negative in my life.

 

So today I want to start accepting myself for who I am. I should be proud of me. I am not a loser, I am not a failure I am not the person that my negativity and closure has transformed me into. I am a 23 year old woman (never called myself a woman before) who has a great man in her life, great family members (Not all but the majority), friends, job, and life in general. I have nothing to complain about really, so why do I keep nit picking at it all? Why do I shy away and how do I start putting one foot in front of the other with my head held high walking out the door?

[top bloke]

Start putting you in front.Look after yourself. You dont like your weight? Make steps to lose it. Start liking youself and moving on from the negative feelings holding you back.Look for the good times and good feelings in your life...It is a first step so go for it.

[waveseer]

If there's one thing I have learned in my life so far it's that I cannot run from myself. No matter how much I dislike myself and no matter where I go I'm still stuck with me. I can avoid accepting myself for who I am at this exact moment but the cost is my happiness and my relationships with the people around me. On the other hand, if I just "swallow the toad" and accept myself 100% exactly the way I am then I am free to change. You can do it, we can help.

[ginger007]

I was in the same situation when I was your age. If you're not doing it already, you should start exercising, it will make you feel better immediately. When you're doing something about your appearance you go from being 'overweight' to being 'overweight but a work in progress'. Write down your weight everyday (maybe start a blog) and see it go down. I like the title of your post, that's the right attitude.

[Lush]

You are totally right. I used to have an eating disorder and thought a million times a day that if I could just lose weight everything would be perfect. Well, I've lost weight/eating disorder..but only by replacing it with a new, even more dibilitating insecurity. No self love.

 

I didn't love myself then and, weight gone, I STILL DON'T. It will never come, even if you were at your goal weight, have a zillion dollars, perfect boy, etc...believe me, sometimes I am so depressed I can't eat for days..not because I don't want to, I just physically can't. Anyway, enough about me, I just know what you're going through and know that the only answer is to love and believe in yourself.

[fourstars]

I have realized I am paranoid of rejection, confrontation, and being noticed for who I am.

 

I've been struggling with this myself.

After being flat out rejected by seemingly the majority of the class, I realized for the first time, I did not quit going back. Before, I would drop my classes whenever I felt the overwhelming paranoia.

But here I am... I've tried something different this semester. I stood up for myself... I've been skipping classes and dropping semesters since beginning of highschool. I had to pursue my happiness... which is the future from investing in my education.

I figured I'll be my perceived "horrid self", but within my comfort zone I will try my best. I will work on expanding my comfort zone little by little... and it'll be hard as I'll face more rejections during the process... but I'm keeping it real in that in reality... human beings are more than just acceptable or detestable entities as others make it out to be.

 

I wish you well in your own journey.