is it really over ?

[Velkeria]

Hi everyone,

I really hope everyone is doing ok.

Some of you may remember me, most probably won't.

I'm an emotional trainwreck, or at least thats how I've been described....

anyway, long story short...

Girlfriend of 3yrs one day says she needs her space, she needs to figure out her past, etc....

During that time I did the begging, pleading, calling, etc....

a few weeks after she I guess decided to give it a try but not wholeheartly.

We did a few dates, we slept together twice, went out for Valentines day I bought her a fancy trinket box with a beautiful saying inscribed on it about How i dream that her and I could be together again. she cried like a baby when she opened it. a few days later she sent me the email...........

"I tried but i can't continue this" yada yada yada......

at that point I told her to not to call me, write me, email me, etc, then i said If i get stupid and call, just hang up on me. well she did for a few days... Then she started to take them again.........

Then this past weekend, she comes over, says she wanted to see her dog (I am watching while she is moving) she doesnt want to talk to me but yet does, tells me its over again, tells me that I deserve someone that can give as much to a relationship that I do, and she isnt that person.

she was also wearing her wedding ring from her past marriage ( on the right hand) I asked why she would be wearing that she said because I can, it doesnt mean anything like that to me anymore.

 

Jesus, why can't I just drop this woman ? why is this so hard ? do I love too much ? or is there something terribly wrong with me that I would still continue to love this woman ? Why would I still want to be holding on to something that she tells me time and time again that is over, but yet still takes my calls, even called me last night asking what she needed for her computer to get it fixed....

 

What the heck is wrong here ???

[Tinkerbell]

If you really love this woman I can imagine this must be rather difficult for you. She can't make up her mind and it's hurting you, which isn't fair. I suggest you tell her what all of this is doing to you, and if she loves you she'll stop it. If not, try and move on. Cut all the ties, including the dog.

[Mar]

I have to agree-you're somewhat letting this woman do this to you. Take a stand and let her know in no uncertain terms that you'd rather she didn't have any contact with you, and that if she wants to see her dog, she should arrange to have it elsewhere. If she needs advice, she needs to go elsewhere as well.

 

SHE broke up with YOU. Granted, I'm sure she misses you. But regardless, this was her decision. Remind her of that and let her know that you need to move on, and in order to do that, you need her to stop all contact with you. It's hard, but it'll be even harder if it continues on as it is now.

 

Mar

[melrich]

I can't say I agree with the previous replies. From what you say it is you that is initiating all the contacts and all she has done is come over to see her dog (shouldn't be any problem with that, if it is find another arrangement for the dog). You can't tell someone to just hang up on you if you call especially someone you were once close to. I would imagine that continualy hanging up on you would be emotionally distressing for her and I am not surprised she has started answering the calls, no one should be put in that position. You have to take responsibility to not keep calling her. I think your ex has been very clear with you from what u say, she wants the relationship over. It is not unusual for an ex to feel pressured from constant phone calls and begging into getting back together, it is also not unusual for the situation to fall apart again pretty quickly. My guess is that u are (unintentionally) putting your ex through a very difficult time and she is torn between not wanting to hurt u anymore and wanting to free of you. That is perfectly natural. It does not mean she is confused, she sounds like she knows what she wants but you are making things very difficult for her. If I were you I would stop making the calls, make alternative arrangements for the dog and move on. You will both be much happier much quicker than if you continue to badger her and place unreasonable demands on her.