I want marriage & kids but he's not ready at age 36!

[AngelinaLouise]

Hi Everyone,

 

I just found this site today and it has been helpful. Please let me know if you have any advice for me, I really need it. I'm 30 and my ex-boyfriend is 36. We were together for a year and a half and broke up because he didn't know when he would be ready for marriage and children, I told him how important it is for me to get married and have kids but all he would say is that I was obsessed. He lived with his mom, didn't have a working car and only a part time job. The last six months of the relationship all we did was fight about this, I asked him to please find a full time job so that maybe we can move in together but he said he wasn't ready. I told him he didn't love me and really didn't want to be with me but he said that he loved me and wanted to be with me forever but didn't know when he would be ready for the next step, I asked him if he thinks he'd be ready in another 2 years and he said he didn't think so. Well, 2 years have passed since we broke up and he's started calling me recently and asking me out, I haven't gone out with him because I've been gathering more information from him to see if has changed. He has a job but the company is struggling so he may not have it for long, he is still living with him mom and he bought a motorcycle which he will be paying off in about 10 years. He's been spending all his money on expensive toys. The main reason he didn't want to marry me was because he said he needed to save money. I asked him non chalantly if he is ready now for marriage and kids and he said NO! He said he needs to save money first, I asked if he has any saved and yet again he said no. I told him that I don't want to begin a relationship with him again because I don't want to be waiting around for him to decide if he's ready or not and it's very clear that he is not since he seems to be living as a teenager. He told me that if I loved him I would let him do whatever he wants and wait until he's ready. Luckily, I'm not in love with him anymore and I can just move on and forget him because he will never change even though a little part of me wishes he was a changed man, I know that if I were to start going out with him again I would fall in love all over. For the past 2 years I've had a relationship that wasn't very serious and he told me he hasn't had any relationship at all. My question is, am I being unreasonable? Should I wait for him to be ready and risk my best years to have children? It's hard for me to find guys since I'm overweight so he may be my last resort. Please give me some advice and thank you in advance.

[ck_tati]

In my oppinion, oh yeah, i know i'm only 15, but i DO have an oppinion.

I dont think that you are being unreasonable. First of all the "Overweight" part isnt a problem, i bet you can get anyone you want to if you set your mind to it.

I understand you want kids and all, but you also have to thin of the consequiences, trust me.. I AM a kid.. literally, and for my mom (who's alone) if very hard to keep me, specially cuz she's lonley.

Man are scared of getting married and having kids, the fact that they have to be responsible scares them

Anyway, maybe he's not the one, or maybe i'm wron and he is. But the man is almost 14 for god's sake! By the time he has a 10-year old kid he would be 50!! He needs to stop wasting his life and start concentrating in what really matters!!!!!

..

anyway, no.. no answer your questions, you're not being unreasonable.

[amilasiu]

you do not really need a relationship with him to raise a kid by him, if you know what i mean. Even if you two marry, you will still need to take care of him 24-7. If you'd like kids but do not want a man-child hanging around and emptying the fridge while you work, why not get a kid by him and be a single mom? You'll save some money that way instead of supporting him and the kid together.

 

I do not mean to sound cold, but this is what I would do. Given a choice between getting pregnant and being single mom and being a mom to my kid and a man child, I would choose option 1. THat way you can be a mom and be open to more satisfying relationships with truly mature men.

[robokon]

Seems like he is looking for a mother. You may want to consider having his baby. However, you want to have a healthy family for your baby too.

 

My man is liked yours and we have been dating for 10 years.

 

I am in a situation of 'waiting'. I am prepared, I think, to break up. How can I break up with him. Maybe he will change next month? I am telling myself or forcing myself to be positive. I have read an article about when it would be a good time to stop a relationship on O magazine. It also introduced a book called Comfort Trap/What if you're riding a dead horse. I am going to check this out later. Anyway, you can check this out too. It also talk about women want to be a mother but the men don't want to have kids.

 

How much are you overweight? You know exercising will help you to be happier. Try to lose weight and you will be more attractive.