help financially when in a committed relationship

[thistime]

what she means is he is the best, of all the men she has been involved with. She isnt settling...she thinks she is lucky to have him. It's ME that thinks he is an a**

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I think part of the problem here is gender perception, i.e., you think since he's a man thereforee he should take care of her financially and improve her standard of living.

 

I have mixed feelings about this because in theory if you love someone, you should want to help them out, however, he is not married to her nor made any promises to be her partner or take care of her or make a family. As long as they are only dating, then he just hasn't made that commitment. And he shouldn't be obligated to raise her standard of living just because he is the man and makes more money.

 

I think though that this should tell her several things. I doubt that he is seriously thinking about marriage or a permanent partnership now, or he'd be more willing to get involved with her financially. Or he really does see that getting serious, but he is a tightwad. Or he thinks that two adults should keep their finances separate and spend them on whatever they please.

 

But more important, as long as the woman is happy with him, i wouldn't interfere. There are lots of people who wouldn't dream of taking money from someone they were dating, and in fact would not even take it if offered, because they see themselves as independent people not in a financial partnership.

 

So you are getting angry for her, based on your own value system and feelings for the guy, and she obviously feels differently or she would have broken up with him by now.

[thistime]

all I can say is that, after this last "blow" of her possibly having cancer, and him not stepping up to say "dont worry about things, we can take care of it" that she probably will dump him. I guess I consider dating someone being their partner to a point, and if she has no partnership with him, she is better off alone.

[scorpio47]

i have given her my tax refund money...it wasnt much, but at least enough to help with a few things. i know some of her other friends have offered, but she said NO...I wouldnt take no for an answer, so she had no choice. I realize none of you know him like we do either, but heres a little insight. At Christmastime, she was on limited funds..., because her daughter had pneumonia, so there were more medical bills. She made sure her daughter had a few gifts, but they were modest at best. she told her bf that she felt bad she couldnt afford anything for him, but she did make him a nice meal at her house. He got her NOTHING...because she didnt get him anything. This guy is a jerk. Period...

 

Wow...ok...yeah...that's not nice... so why is she still with him? I get that she feels he's the best she's had, but it's apparent he's not that great a catch?

[thistime]

i wonder if she thinks people perceive her lifestyle as better then it is if she is seen with him. Really...I dont know. He is always civil towards her friends, but she knows we dont like him. I also think she holds out hope of a future with him, but I would be amazed if it ever gets any more serious then it is now.