1MoreChance Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 I am just out of a relationship. I had serious issues with insecurity and low self esteem to make a long story short. I want to learn to love and take care of myself, but I lack motivation! Like I have been wanting to start breathing exercises, and journaling and going to the gym, but I can't get myself motivated! I am fearful for some reason! I always put it off until the next day (and then the next day comes and I don't do it). I spend wayyyyy too much time on Internet forums. I have been on sick leave/unemployement insurance for 10 months. I was a teacher and I was put on sick leave for anxiety and depression. I had relationship problems and a bad reaction to hormonal birth control (severe anxiety and major depression). I had surgery also in april 2008. my bf and I broke up august 31. I have been very up and down, very sad, but went off birth control in october 2008 and improved immediatelly and then went off the Effexor I was on. I just finished a program I was studying and hope to start my own business, but it feels like to much. I miss my ex terribly. I cry and I feel still insecure and overwhelmed. I feel like I need him to come back and make it all better, tho I know if he did I'd have the same problems and maybe even worse from the fears surrounding intimacy and abandonment... I am seeing a therapist since march 2008. How can I further help myself find confidence and peace, but further, MOTIVATION and PERSEVERANCE to make myself what I want to be??? and then maybe also that will increase my chances at reconciling with my ex... thanks... Link to comment
Tiger_Lilly Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 It looks like you have gone through quite a bit and I'm sorry to hear that but the good news is your past is not your future - it doesn't have to be. So far as motivation goes - I've struggled myself and till this day the only thing that has proven to help is improving my nutrient intake. My worst depression came when I was low in Iron. Don't underestimate how malnutrition can effect your psychology and most of the time we think we are fine but chances we are lacking. The other thing is setting small but manageable goals - who can get motivation when there are no goals or the goals are so far in the distance. Good luck. Link to comment
Radίaηce Posted February 6, 2009 Share Posted February 6, 2009 Your thoughts control everything. Start NOW. Start thinking about getting in your car...driving to the gym...parking....walking inside...getting on the treadmill...picture everything. Think about it. And go do it! It helps and you'll feel great! Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted February 6, 2009 Author Share Posted February 6, 2009 thanks guys! Funny thing is, I enjoy the gym, I enjoy breathing exercises,... It's like I just want to sabotage myself, it's like I don't want to be happy... it feels like letting go and I am control freak, I cannot let go, it is what ruined my relationship with my now ex. I always needed outside approval yet felt I was never good enough, and I have to have such a sense of rigid control that i cannot be intimate with somebody. It did not manifest itself as trying to control who he sees, where he goes, that type of thing, just getting mad for stupid stuff like him being late one hour, because I felt I was loosing control. I wanted this absolute sens of predictibility, attention and being loved, which only exists inside oneself, but WHICH I LACK WITHIN ME. sorry if this sounds confusing, i just woke up. i don't know, it's like I don't want to let myself be happy and do things that are good for me, like i don't think i deserve it, and i don't know HOW to believe that I deserve it. I feel like a failure... Link to comment
doc wannabe Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 I am a huge believer in baby steps. Do one small thing every day that keeps you going forward. Break down a goal into smaller goals. Break it down into steps so small that you almost take them automatically. You can do this. You've done so much already, from what I read. Maybe you can't see that because you are on the inside. Link to comment
Dosed Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Make a list but in a specific order. The order should run something like, simple/easy tasks first progressing up step by step, more and more of a challenge and simply work your way through them each day. Maybe on day one say, OK I'll do 2 of those things today, like call the gym, find out about the best deals going etc Next day, OK 3 of those things and so on and so forth Before you know it, you will have built up the motivation from seeing all the smaller tasks ticked off the list and soon be on to the more challenging stuff. Good luck! Link to comment
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