need advice

[Rabican]

Well, I just experienced a rough and fitfil first night and the anxiety is strong this morning. It's amazing how our mind will play tricks on us, thinking we know something one minute and second guess ourselves the next. I need to stand firm.

 

Its tough dude, just hang in there. I broke up with my current fiance a while back (3 years or so now?) because of a quasi infedility issue. The hardest thing Ive ever done was load the last of her stuff into a rental car and watch it drive down the street. We did end up getting back together later, but at the time I was sure we were toast. I was actually the one that told her to go... anyways... keep yourself busy. Join a gym, go fishing, do something... dont sit around staring at your phone or msn list all day wondering what shes doing. Time heals everything... well almost everything, but it does heal this. Tomorrow you will do better than today, and the day after that better than tomorrow. Just keep pluggin along.

[nhisname2002]

If you really aren't sure, why not go to counseling with her to see if you can work it out, or else feel more sure in a decision to break it off. One of the main reasons couple go to marriage/couples counselors is to deal with infidelity, so they are experienced at navigating couples to resolve and stay together, or accept that it is better for both to part.

 

I thought about it. I have a friend who is a pastor that says about 50% of couples make it through but that it takes time and hard work. There are also no guarantees.

[nhisname2002]

Is going out to the bars and clubs something she usually does..?? Honestly that's what struck me the most about the post .. besides the infidelity of course.. is she also in her late 30s or 40s?

 

Her reaction to your fight sounds pretty immature IMHO.. I guess I'm just wondering what about her has changed that would make it worth giving her another shot.

 

And her begging you for another chance doesn't count.

 

I wouldn't say she 'usually' goes out to clubs, but she has in the past. She is 41.

[top bloke]

Champ...as I have mentioned..you dont need the aggravation.Id be looking by now if I were you..Respect yourself..you can do better than that..trust me.

[nhisname2002]

Champ...as I have mentioned..you dont need the aggravation.Id be looking by now if I were you..Respect yourself..you can do better than that..trust me.

 

 

You are right. After breaking it off on Monday evening, I haven't looked back. I woke up yesterday around 4:30am in a cold sweat thinking I was going to have another anxiety filled day but by 8am my head had cleared. Call it divine intervention, but I'm okay with everything. Yes, there has been a little pain here and there, but I'm doing much better than I ever imagined.

Thanks everyone for the support.

[whiteangel]

Hello, i have read your story and i want to know how are you now? Me is happens this too and i don`t know how i can handle it, i am very sad and confused....thank you for your answer, its seems you are a strong man, iam a women but i want to make it too.....

[Nighthawker]

Hello, i have read your story and i want to know how are you now? Me is happens this too and i don`t know how i can handle it, i am very sad and confused....thank you for your answer, its seems you are a strong man, iam a women but i want to make it too.....

 

So, what is the status of your situation now?

[nhisname2002]

I've come online here a few times to read what other people are going through right now, because I remember how distraught I was when everything went down and I found out.

It was about 7 months ago and my mind has cleared up a lot even though I just started sleeping better within the past month or so. There are days when the pain is still incredible or I'll have a dream or that cold dose of reality will hit that my world and foundation was shaken. But I'll be okay in the long run. My life has been forever changed by the experience and other than having lost my parents years ago, it has been the single most life-altering event for me.

 

I try to give advice to others that they will be okay, it's just going to take some time.

 

I never kept all the emails we had exchanged, but I can remember the shear emotions I had expressed at the time. I can hold my head up high that while I had some weak moments, I didn't allow her to brainwash me into thinking I was somehow responsible for her behavior (although that was tough).

 

We live and die by our convictions. I loved the woman for sure and I did my best in the relationship. I don't look back and think 'if only I had done this' or 'I shoulda, woulda, coulda'. I did my best and I had given her more than enough of an opportunity to have avoided the situation.

 

A thought that sometimes creates pain is wondering if she has learned a lesson from this and has become a better person. I don't know. But I do wish she had learned it long before she had met me.

[nhisname2002]

I've had a serious relapse over the past two weeks. Just when I think I'm getting better, resolving things, I fall back into a lot of despair. I haven't had contact with her in over four months now and there was a time when I was able to compartmentalize the events of our relationship and deal with one item at a time. All of those events have come back at one time now and my head has been spinning. All the unanswered questions, all the 'I wonder if that was a lie' things, all the second guessing, all of it. It's all come back with a vengence. I've even been experiencing anxiety again of a similar nature very early in the morning. It's like it just happened yesterday, very fresh and extremely painful. I really did think I was moving on pretty good and I'm just to concentrate on how far I've come.

 

It really sucks, that's all I can say.