How to forget about her...

[dan1ecu]

Hi, Everybody -

 

I'm new here, so I thought I'd introduce myself by asking a question.

 

Have you ever been infatuated with someone even though you knew that there was no chance of a relationship working? I'm in that kind of situation now. I wish that I could just turn my feelings off where she's concerned. I know that this feeling that I have of being "in love" is not really love, but rather a complicated mixture of lust, envy and a need for someone to be dependant on me. Does that make sense to you?

 

What do you think would be the best way to get a person out of my heart, so to speak, if intellectually I know it would be the best thing for both of us?

 

I'd appreciate any advice or comments!

 

Dan

[gogol]

hello dan1ecu,

Like you, I am also new here. However I have browsed the fourms many times, just never posted anything really.

 

First of all, I'd like to say that I am glad to see that you are a mature realistic guy. It is important to understand the difference between a crush/love and an infatuation with someone, and I am happy to see that you can tell the difference, even though its often difficult to detect.

 

What brought me to post to your thread is because I had a similar situation last year (freshman year of highschool). My situation was/is a bit different than yours, but it shares the same goal (removing feelings). As a breif overview of what happened to me I'll say this...

There was this girl that I really liked (was not infatuated with her). Anyways, I later found out that she liked me through a number of her friends. We got really close and were affectionate towards eachother. The day for me to actually ask her out came and due to complicated reasons, she couldn't. That day I was totally heartbroken and very depressed. Well, I was sitting by myself, in my own depression when one of her friends that was involved sat next to me. She really felt sorry for me (she really wanted us to go out with eachother) and she put her arms around me and put her head on my shoulder. This caused a instant infatuation with her because she "filled" the sense of aloneness that I had gotten. Anyways, I realized this infatuation and was able to remove it. I was only able to remove it because I still felt so strongly for the other girl.

 

The area in which we are similar is your goal to remove your feelings for your infatuation and my goal to remove the feelings for the girl I asked out.

 

This took time and was very difficult. I lost interest in most of my activities and was a real bore to my friends. I, however, have more hope with you because you have identified your feelings as being an infatuation. The methods that I used differed from the types of thoughts that I had.

 

If, for example, I was at home and on the computer, and I started to think about her, I'd go to a humor site and watch some funny videos and try to laugh (a good one is link removed). Also, a mistake that I made was IM'ing her constantly. I was addicted to chatting with this girl. So, everytime I'd make any ground to recovery, I'd get right back down after a chat with her.

 

The best method that I used was to try to gain ANY feelings for anyother girl. Be it looks or personality, if you can think about some other girl then

you aren't thinking about your infatuation. I DO WARN HOWEVER, try to steer away from a relationship when you are still feeling in the dumps for your infatuation. This is how I gained my short infatuation (not through a relatonship, but through the desire for one). This is a problem for many people and its been given the term "rebounding".

 

Also, try your best to have fun with friends. I am very lucky because for about a 6 month period, I was a total bum around my friends and I didn't loose them. It may be hard, but try to get out, play on the comp or anything that occupies your mind. You may find that your feelings toward your infatuation go away quicker than you may think.

 

Hope this helps. And sorry for writing so much

[tigress]

00b: Hello, Mr. dan,

i believe that everything is possible, is she married, does she have a boyfriend? Have you asked her out? WHY IS THERE NO CHANCE OF A RELATIONSHIP WORKING OUT. You didn't explain the reason that makes this relationship unattainable. Has this happened to you before? Many of my guy friends, chose the "wrong" "type" of women to date?, then are sadly disappointed when they are rejected. Sometimes the only way to forget someone special in your heart, is by meeting someone new. That is the only way, us true romantics can really, truly find new, attainable, love. Tigress

[sckoobs]

Hi Dan, it can be hard and I know exactly what you are going through. You can't really 'forget' about it unless you have a mind wipe machine, I find that if I just bite down and get on with life, you won't forget about it, but come to terms with it and hopefully reach the situation where you don't really care about it any more. I am quite an emotional guy but no-one would ever think it to look at me because I have a determination - a fuel, a sort of inner happiness if you will, when I get depressed I just remember that I have this happiness and that works for me.

 

Try watching some non-cheesy feel-good movies like 'As Good as it Gets', I try to watch something that reminds me of how good life can be and eventually an infatuation can turn into a lesson in life.

[RRISALEE]

Here's what I have to say...............................................

 

 

 

"In love is "Real" love. you can love someone but to be "In Love with someone is something great!!!!!!!!!!