searching1951 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 My ex dumped me 7 weeks ago after a 2 year relationship in which SHE desperately wanted marriage. But she is deep in debt and wanted someone to rescue her financially. She lined up her ex in the wings as back-up plan and when she realized I wasn't moving along the path fast enough she dumped me and ran to him (I just wasn't sure what I wanted..I loved her, but I was worried about who and what she was..I wanted it wnen it made sense for the relationship, not her financial mess). She was beautiful and could be very loving..she could also be the * * * * * from hell and was very controlling, and we had many fights and mini-break-ups. I thought of moving in with her for a year to see if getting closer would improve the relationship, and buy time by covering some of her expenses, but I couldn't fiind a suitable tenant for my house and it fell thru..I think this triggered her action. I am in a fair amount of break-up pain, but strict NC. I get into trouble when I imagine that she is thinking of me and may want to call me and find a way back. The only way I can avoid this is to "accept" that she is back with her old ex, and they are rapidly moving toward a marriage, perhaps already combining households etc. Then my brain insulates me from her and shuts it all off. So, my advice is to get to acceptance, as painful aqs it is, asap. Then you start to look around at realistic alternatives for your life. Link to comment
george237 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 That sucks. I would chalk this one up as a win for you. She sounds completley nuts and self centered. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 You don't want to be with someone who makes her decisions based on who will pony up money for her debts the quickest. This woman doesn't love anybody but herself, and you are being swayed by her physical beauty and the rest of her sounds like a mess. In a few years you'd have someone who was not so beautiful anymore, and a mess. She's better off gone. If she'd leave you over this, you don't want her, and you should be looking for someone else. Link to comment
davejsy Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 always more difficult when they are cute, but like bestrongbehappy says they don't stay cute for ever then what you left with! NC is the only way to go, if she really wants you back she will find a way of contacting you. Good luck. Link to comment
thedude27 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I'm thinking this might be my ex's sister...lol. In my case it was she needs a father for her son, in yours its financial. The other parts are very similar. You dont want a woman like this...they are motivated in their relationship more by outside factors than by love. I think you understand what I mean when I say this. Its like they dont have loyalty...history and love dont play into the equation as much as they do for most people. With someone like this you would always be wondering if they would leave you. Any mistake could be your last, doesnt matter if its the 1st week or 10 yr realtionship. Link to comment
searching1951 Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 I keep second guessing myself. 30% of her being was everything I ever wanted. I was pulled in by it. But 70% was greedy, shallow, controlling...she came from a wealthy family and her high lifestyle has gotten her to within months of bankruptcy. Even if I bailed her out of her current mess by surrendering my own lifestyle and my own values, she would keep spending and threaten my future well-being. The comments given here are perceptive...all of my friends and family say the same things and none of them like her. Still, it's that 30% that I am madly in live with and it keeps haunting me. I just need to move on. I won't break NC (I ran in to her over the holidays by freak chance encounter and I sent her a mild email saying it reminede me of when we were a couple, but love was not enough for us). I am experienced in some bad break-ups and this one is not the worst, but it stings, especially give how winter bound we are here and I just go home each night and sleep it off. Link to comment
aeschylus Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 It's crazy to me how many people get into these situations (me included)... I said on another post that Narcissism is an epidemic and based on what I've seen on here, it's totally true. I truly don't understand how someone can stand the guilt from using someone's emotions to manipulate them into giving them what they want...I couldn't and wouldn't do it... Link to comment
John Bendix Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 It's crazy to me how many people get into these situations (me included)... I said on another post that Narcissism is an epidemic and based on what I've seen on here, it's totally true. I truly don't understand how someone can stand the guilt from using someone's emotions to manipulate them into giving them what they want...I couldn't and wouldn't do it... It seems to me that it is how much their ego, with all of the egoic needs and desires, dominates their lives determines just how far they will go for that fleeting moment of fufillment. The ego dominated person can rationalize anything as long as it sees that its needs outweigh any other concerns. The examples are too many to name. Link to comment
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