thedude27 Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Well clearly the man has no taste so dont let his rejection bother you Would you be offened if Boy George didnt like your wardrobe? lol As for the effort, I sadly understand you on that. Its hard when you care about someone and they end up being a dud, just realize that there are people that will appreciate your caring and love...and ya know what they will even return it You just gotta find em... Link to comment
fiffy Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 your right I am sooooooooooo ready for a nice loving man! Link to comment
atlanticstar Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 Reading this thread is almost heartbreaking. Your ex is a raving loony and complete control freak. He is getting some sick pleasure out of manipulating you and pushing your worth and self esteem into the ground. As the other posters have said, now you’re distancing yourself you will probably get a mixture of begging and also abusive letters to try and keep you hooked so the abuse can continue. Burn those photos and anything else that comes through the post. Destory it before you make any attempt to read it. I'm glad you've maintained NC and that you've changed your number and email address. That is a great start. Any decent man would be really proud of you. One day you will see this and it will be like the sun has come out. I can't imagine how tough it's going to be for you to rebuild yourself though. You have a lot of work ahead but it will be so worthwhile in the end. You deserve happiness and I don't doubt for one minute that you'll find it. Link to comment
Adge Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 This bloke sounds like a total and utter heartless plonker. In some ways I really hope he gets into the position where someone does that to him so he knows what it feels like. I'm not the vengeful type normally! I think you need to close the book on this one, however, it's easier said than done so you will have to muster up as much strength as possible. You'll find some lovely guy who will love you for who and what you are. Hopefully I will too (minus the bloke part of course!!) Link to comment
NutsandBolts Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Dear Fiffy, Although our circumstances were slightly different, I too, am just getting out of an abusive relationship. You didn't really specify the type of abuse that you endured but I suspect that it was mostly emotional and obviously it was verbal (they go hand in hand). I have a lot of recovery to do myself to learn to love me. I think that the first thing we both need to do is to understand and accept the fact that it was NOT about us. Here is a link to an article that truly hit home for me and I hope that it does the same for you. I found it to be completely validating. link removed Best wishes to you. You are beautiful. And so am I. NAB Link to comment
fiffy Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Hi Adge, I am starting to feel stronger. Its hard when you finally let go of it all. There is no way of him getting in touch with me now and that is the hardest thing for me to face but the best. I know any contact will just end badly for me. I am struggling very much with my self image. He knocked me so far down I am just struggling so much. I also find it hard to understnad how someone can hate me so much- I never argue or raise my voice. Even when he verbally abused me I just took it and cried. I never said anything bad back. He is just so angry and it hurts he hates me that much. He is always so mad when he speaks to me but I guess I must just frustrate him by not reacting. I just hope one day he does feel guilt for how much he hurt me and I hope I am the one regret of his life. I just know he has a new slim and pretty girlfriend and I mean nothing. Just wish I could get over these last emotions. Link to comment
fiffy Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Hi nuts and bolts That article just highlightd ho much more abuse was going on than I thought. It has just been horrendous. The abuse was mainly verbal/emotional but at the end it started to get physical. I used to lay in bed terrified as he told me he was so sick with me he wanted to smash my face in. I just don't understand what I did? He said it was because I was fat and he found me too repulsive to have sex with and thats why he was mad. Usually the abuser apologises and wants to stay in the relationship. Why did my ex toss me away when I was so worthless? Is it because I have no value to him? I just get upset everyday. Part of me wants him to take all the things back that he said and to say that he did love me and that he still does but I will never get that. I just feel the worthless person he made me. Link to comment
Adge Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Hello You'll get your self confidence and self esteem back in no time I reckon. This guy sounds so horrible I just can't imagine how someone can be so cruel. It actually makes me angry and I don't even know him!! Who cares what he's got now? He'll show his true colours soon enough, and let's hope she dumps him and he feels wretched and lost. Try and keep telling yourself that he is not worth the thought and pain. He's clearly not. Someone that is abusive is just not worth it. I know...it's easier said than done! Besides. You're a catch! Link to comment
fiffy Posted January 13, 2009 Author Share Posted January 13, 2009 Thanks for your support. The last few days have been better I have started to see all of his ugliness inside. He is not a happy man. He is lost and hurting. I think I am lucky that I have no hate or bitterness towards him because I very easily could have. I just want to concentrate on me now. I just find it hard because I have been absolutly zapped of energy. Can I ask in your opinion as a man why would a girls boyfriend hate sleeping with her right from the start? Its not normal but in the first week together in a hotel we only had sex twice. He would have sex with me jut once a week and it was like he did it out of obligation. I just don't understand it? He was always tired from working out loads and restricting his diet could it be this? I also had suspicions he was gay since ranchy underwear didn't turn him on. He could only get hard by looking at his reflection in the mirror- thats not a joke its real. Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 Thanks everyone for your support. I have been seeing a therapist for months now but I just don't seem to be healing. My ex has sent me pics of his new girlfriend recently and told me how he loves having sex with her and how he can go all night unlike with me who repulsed him so much he couldn't do it and when he did he lasted seconds. Those were his exact words- I couldn't sleep with you because I found you so physically repulsive. We have been broken up 6 months and I have been trying NC if I ever respond to his contact attempts he puts me down more. The fact he really fancies and loves his new girlfriend makes me wonder if there really is something wrong with me. I just don't seem to be getting any better. I wouldnt believe this. Im sure he is treating the girlfriend exactly the same way as he is treating you- because the guy seems pathological on abusing women. I wish you could see this for what it is. I read your earlier thread, the really big one about him- and its so clear that this guy is simply NOT NORMAL!!! You are gorgeous, and even if you wrent- any guy that treats a woman like that deserves to be castrated and locked away in a dark hole. You need to block all contact- make sure he cannot contact you in any way online. When you meet the next guy pay close attention to how he treats you so that you arent automatically attracted to the same type of guy. You must not believe anything this loser says. Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 All i can say is that he probably is gay, and is projecting is inward hatred of himself onto beautiful women by abusing them emotionally. But thats just a pop diagnosis- and the fact is- it is not your problem. But yeah probably gay. Don't spend any time feeling sorry for him or wanting to help him. Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I just don't understand what I did? He said it was because I was fat and he found me too repulsive to have sex with and thats why he was mad. . Some gay male friends of mine in the past have said to me that they find the female body "repulsive". Using that word. Link to comment
fiffy Posted January 14, 2009 Author Share Posted January 14, 2009 Hey Chocolates, Thanks so much for your support and kind words. I seem to have these days when I can't see clearly about it all. Its very hard to accept that someone is a very disturbed bad person, especially when you got so close to them. He is a very manipulative man and he cannot be happy. He puts classifieds out everyday online and is always on dating sites, despite being 'happy' with his new girl. I totally suspected this was happening whilst he was with me, so I know I am best off out of it. I would have had a very stressful and unhappy life with this man. Nothing in the world made him happy and I would have spent the rest of my life running around trying to make things ok so he didn't blow up. He is a very nasty man and I am just going to remember that everyday. I am definitely stronger than I was when I wrote my first thread. Link to comment
littlestar Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 A little, one ex used to call me chubby when i am not and at the time i had an eating disorder and was bone skinny but he knew it was a way he could annoy me. Link to comment
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