millionaire1 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 My ex broke up with me right before Thanksgiving. Just last week, we saw each other for the first time since the break up and have been sleeping together. He even wanted to bring the New Year in with me! Even though I still love him, I have no interest at this time in getting back with him since he broke up with me twice in 5 months. He just wants to be friends but is committed to only having sex with me. That's the only way I'll continue being with him like that. My question is, should I continue this intimacy with him which by the way is so awesome, or should I let it go since I still have feelings for him even though I'm not interested in a relationship at this time? When I think about letting it go I get scared and don't want to. Because now we're talking and laughing again. He's sending me flirty text messages and calling me. And I don't want to let that go. But I also don't want to end up worse off than before. Please, any honest answers are welcomed. Thanks! Link to comment
Merrick Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I'd tread carefully. Sounds like you do still have feelings for him which may encourage you to take him back...since the sex is so good! And falling back into the groove of a relationship already seems to be happening. If you didn't truly want to persue a relationship but still wnated the benefits...what is that doing to him? It might just break his heart...and yours. I'd be VERY careful!!! Link to comment
justletgo07 Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 First, I think you know him better than anyone here, so you know whether or not you can trust him and how this might pan out. That being said, these kinds of arrangements post-breakup are often really risky, and the possibility of major heartbreak on either side is very high. Both sides can often deal with a FWB arrangement at first, but almost always, one side ends up wanting more, which pushes the other person away. I've never seen this sort of arrangement working out for the better, but rather broken hearts and hurt feelings. Plus, there's a whole lot less motivation to stay faithful in this sort of arrangement, which opens up the possibility of lying and putting you at risk for STDs, etc. Again, you know him and know how you feel. Just wanted to make sure you'd taken a hard look at the dark side of this arrangement. Link to comment
SportBox Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Hi Millionaire, This is an issue I'm currently struggling with myself. My ex and I were together for 3 years and broke up 8 months ago (the relationship just flatlined and had nowhere to go). Went total NC. It must have been the egg nog because just before Christmas he called and wanted to catch up. We met for coffee had some good laughs and in my mind, that was going to be it - I figured I would hear from him in another 8 months. Well, he's been calling and e-mailing me. Our telephone conversations are fantastic. We've never talked about the reasons for the breakup. Anyway, after a 3 hours lunch with him on Saturday, he called to say that he was really attracted to me and found me sexy and asked how I felt our being friends with benefits. I was taken aback and said I needed to think about it. While I'm no longer in love with him and certainly not in lust with him, great sex is something I wouldn't mind right now. I'm just concerned that old feelings will resurface and that i will get kicked to the curb once he finds someone else. I saw my psychologist today and she reminded me that he had nothing to offer me in the relationship and that clearly, outside of sex, nothing has changed. He would be using me for his own sexual gratification with continued disregard for me as a living breathing human being. I have no idea what to do. I've moved on in the last 8 months but for some reason, I'm afraid not to have him in my life. Link to comment
jettison Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 As someone who is currently involved in an exclusive FWB (which btw, I think is a contradiction in terms), this is a very interesting thread/topic. I am involved with a woman who clearly loves me and who tells me that she loves me all the time. The sex is amazing, we see each other every weekend, we travel together, we're very affectionate with each other, but she has stated, unequivocally, that she does not want us to be boyfriend/girlfriend. She has mentioned my past quite a bit, that she would have trouble trusting me, that people always break up, and because we are friends, she can't risk that happening to us. However, everything about us (almost) is BF/GF except the title. I have no idea how this ends well at this point. I think it's reaching critical mass. Like others have said, these things tend not to end well. I wish she could trust me, but I don't think it's possible now. And if you don't have trust, then how do you do something real? You can't. I think that, in your situation, you either truly accept being involved in something just for the moment, or you realize that there needs to be some genuineness there, and you move on. Link to comment
millionaire1 Posted January 5, 2009 Author Share Posted January 5, 2009 Wow!!!!!!!!!! These all are great comments. Wow! I'm so afraid right now. I feel like Sportbox. I'm afraid of not having him in my life. This is so difficult. It feels so right at the present, but like people are saying, I don't know what the turn out will be. Why did love have to be so hard and painful. Sometimes I wish I never developed these feelings for him. It makes me not want to develop feelings for anyone else. It really sucks. In reality, I do want to have a relationship with him, I'm just too afraid he'd break up with me again. Link to comment
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