Need advice on finding and dateing, courting MTF transsexuals.

[anewlife123]

I really need some advice for dealing with some of these issues I have been facing. I am a fairly open person and maybe some of what I am saying may be a bit too emotionally intense for some people. But please bear with me. I seriously want respect and understanding for who I am. So, for starters here is a little bit about me.

 

I personally think I am average looking, but attractive and beautiful women have been attracted to me and I have gone so far as having sex with females on numerous occasions.I can get erect just fine looking at an attrative woman with nice curves and breast. However, I have had problems keeping them on account of my penis not wanting to function after seeing the vagina. It seems that girls do not want to stick around if I can not get it up and I have never in my life managed to get a steady girlfriend despite trying, and trying, and trying over and over again. They just blow me off after having sex, even after being really attracted to me. It is frustrating. It may or may not have anything to do with this, but it did turn me on when I was a young child to dress myself up in girls clothes. I did that once when I was 5 and my father told me to knock it off, so I stopped. When I was young and a child I did play with dolls some, but there was always a masculine slant to it. For example, my sister had bought a mylittle pony doll and I wanted to have one too. However, I got a doll that looked like a cowboy and had masculine attributes. My sister had a feminine looking one. I usually just played with trucks and Gijoes, though. It seems I have always had more masculine hobbies going on; like hunting, martial arts, playing soccer and baseball. I would say that it has been my stronger point. Take note that I am comfortable taking on a masculine role 100% and that is where I want to keep it, and for the most part I do a good enough job pulling that off with a few exceptions I have noted. I intend to stay there.

 

What I am telling you may or may not make me gay or gender confused or whatever. I consider myself straight personally, yet I may be gay afterall; it does not bother me if it turns out that people want to label me gay for how I honestly feel, so long as they keep the thought privatelly to themselves and I have mutal respect with all people. In any case, I am in a sense coming out of the closet and saying things I would not say openly. I think that it might be proof that I am not entirely male and not entirely female genderwise, but rather androgynous and that I just meerly choose and comply to whatever characteristic of whatever gender that I choose. I have had role-playing fantasies where I imagined that I could morph into the other sex at will and yet maintain the ability to remain male. I usually play female characters in video games. I am attracted sexually to the female body form, yet the male body form does nothing for me at all and I am turned off by it. However, I do not find vaginas attractive in the least bit and they do not turn me on, Penis' do turn me on. Despite of this, seeing a penis just makes me want to stick my own somewhere, and I perfer the other to not function and I find it a turn off it is the male getting penetrated by a penis. Pure straight porn with a male and female and pure gay porn with two guys does not really turn me on at all. Yet, seeing porn where an obviously masculine man is sticking his penis into a very feminine looking person with breasts and a penis I find very sexually appealing. There are also women I find sexually attractive, but like I said I am not really enthused about the vagina. It is difficult for me to get motivated to stick my penis into one and while I may get aroused initially at an attractive looking female and her female form the sight of a vagina kills the attraction. Yet I do get a massive erection at the sight of an anus, but only when the person has feminine attributes.

 

One thing that I have found that seems to be common about M2F transsexuals is that it is obviously many of them have been psychologically hurt badly and as a result they come of really defensive. There was a girl I knew at my school who was transsexual and wanted to get to know, but I think she was afraid of people knowing she was born a man and despite any potential interest I might have had of her she would never give me the time of day. I could never get past her defensiveness enough to even have a decent conversation with her, let alone go out and spend time getting to know her. She was very beautiful and with some small exceptions she passed well as a female. I would just rather find one who knew that I am alright with the gender issue or whatever. A thing I am wary of though is not knowing exactly how to deal with specific issues related to transsexuals that are not seen in genetic women. For example, I might accidentally say something to offend a transsexual without really meaning it, and I know that this could easily cause her to overreact and reject me. Obviously I am less experienced with transsexuals than with genetic women. I know that there are enough similarities between the two. I guess I am saying that I just am afraid as coming off as a jerk when I do not really mean to. If anybody has any suggestions about this, I am all ears. I do know that many transsexuals just want to lead normal lives as females and have a normal relationship with a seemingly straight acting man, and I think that can work assuming that I find someone who I click with. It seems to be a fairly challenging ordeal indeed. I have picked up that there does seem to be some prejudice from MTF transsexuals against men who come after them for the fact that they ever had a penis, probably for the same reason that they want a straight man and the fact that gay men in denial tend to go find women with penis' to penetrate them. In my case I think that is slightly unrealistic taking that most straight men want women they can reproduce with and normally do not have an issue privatelly with transsexuals who look and act like women. I don't atleast. I would not mind having children of my own, but reproduction in general has never been an emphasis with me. For me it is about love. I want to find someone who I can truly love and loves me in reuturn. I have come to the conclusion that whoever is out there for me obviously is someone not born in the right body genderwise. I think that finding whoever this is is what really matters in life right now. Obviously, there are other psychological needs there that seek some fulfillment, yet I am tired of living a life of frustration and not being able to get what I want in life with the opposite sex. The only thing that I can conclude is that I would probably fit well with finding a relationship with a transsexual over a genetic woman, taking on the male role. If anything, I could have a partner that provides reinforcement for some certain strengths, I can accept her for who she is and we can share common empathy with each other about life. I just am seeing that as the best option right now.

 

Point is that I obviously am in need of some help here as to how to start. If anyone can lead me in the right direction, I would appreciate it.

[Rhonda 2]

wow- its easy to understand why you have not received any comment to your question. Very intimidating problem- but I'll try.

 

I think you just need to expand your range of human contact. There is nothing wrong with going out with other guys- and if it leads tom a sexual intimacy- there's nothing wrong with that. And remember, the body is mearly the packaging for the soul inside. Also nothing wrong with a transgendered person- you may like this packaging best of all. Best bet- go to a gay bar- lots of diversity here. Just concentrate on making friends and see where it goes. Good luck.

 

Rhonda

[lukeb]

My advice would be very similar to what Rhonda said, and not to date, but to make an effort to be social, make friends, volunteer, join a club, take up tai chi, whatever. I think you are a very deep thinker and tend to over-analyze things too much, you should try to go with the flow and let things happen as they happen. It might surprise you to find out that you may not be as inflexible, and it may be easier to find a connection with another person than you think.

I am not saying gay guys can date women, but I am saying that the range of compatibilty is probably much larger than most people think.

[unabashed]

I know people who are attracted to individuals who are transgendered or transsexual--they identify as "transsensual." I don't know where you would meet others with this type of attraction, but I'm certain that it is possible. The most important thing is to know your own desires, and to accept yourself, even if it doesn't fit into a neat and tidy box. As far as a place to start--I think that local community centers are usually great resources. And, the internet can be a wondrous place. I'm not talking about the hook-up sites, but the discussion boards where you can really communicate with others who are experiencing similar feelings and questions (where you sometimes meet the perfect person).

[lukeb]

I am sorry but I just see a complete inability to relate to his prospective dates as humanbeings not objects. Kind of like what pornography does.

 

"It is difficult for me to get motivated to stick my penis into one and while I may get aroused initially at an attractive looking female and her female form the sight of a vagina kills the attraction..."

 

It seems you are so clinical about it all. There is something wrong with this picture or am I the only one seeing it?

[unabashed]

I don't think it's wrong. It's just a description of a desire--albeit clinical. Everyone is attracted to different qualities, physically as well as on other levels. Love and appreciation for the human being only go so far if, in the end, you cannot be aroused by certain physical characteristics. I don't think there's anything wrong with knowing what you want and seeking that out.

[learnin2trust]

A friend of mine goes to TG socials and meets new people very week. The kind of person I find attractive has changed over the years. I didn't find men attractive for years and still didn't make the connection that I was a lesbian until my thirties, when I fell for a woman. I thought I was just a late bloomer (That's what mom said). I still don't go in for ultrafeminine clothing and makeup or high heels. Nothing against it, it's just not me. The people I date have to be willing to look beyond my exterior. The guy I dated for the past two years was a genetic female, but on the first date told me "I have never felt female. I consider myself male". So be it. That's how I then went on to treat him. With love, respect, and acceptance. Hope this helps. Good luck.

[ATLstudent]

YOu sound alot alot like myself. Although i am just starting to finally get the courage to tell everyone about my sexuality, I have made friends with some very attractive transgendered girls. Basically i used the internet to begin social networking and talking to some girls, then intially got to hangout and try thing, and just be around them. But your best bet is to check out gay bars, they do hangout there. Although i hear that alot of girls go to straight bars, but arent looking for guys that are into t-girls, they want to feel like females. Is kinda of a weird/hard situation cause although you dont consider yourself gay, you are gonna need to go to a gay bar(most LIkely) to meet some tgirls. BUt thats the best way, dont worry you'll find one, you said you were good looking, so thats a huge help, you need to get out there. Maybe try chatting online with some first to get comfortable, and to find some local bars where you can find transexual girls hanging out. There are numberous transexual dating sites.

[ATLstudent]

I am sorry but I just see a complete inability to relate to his prospective dates as humanbeings not objects. Kind of like what pornography does.

 

"It is difficult for me to get motivated to stick my penis into one and while I may get aroused initially at an attractive looking female and her female form the sight of a vagina kills the attraction..."

 

It seems you are so clinical about it all. There is something wrong with this picture or am I the only one seeing it?

 

Ummm...I dont see anything wrong...He is being clinical because he is trying to analyse his situation, and being straight forward and down to facts is the best way to describe ones situation.

 

IF it weren't for the technicalities of sexuality then people wouldn't differ. Whats makes someone homosexual is that.....Same sex attributes or physically features or manorsims excite them sexually....An erection for a male. Physicality is what defines sexual orientation. Love and emotions is an after thought, because they can be had for any sex no matter what your sexual orientation. THe machanics of it all is what sexuality is, its 'SEX" which is a physical act, involving body part, that are either getting a blood supply of not depending on external stimualtion, physical or visual. this is true for males.

 

When he starts meeting transexual girls and gets in a few relationships, well then thats when the scientific stuff is behind him and things become all about emotions and feeling and attractions. BUt for guys you have to workout the technical stuff first, because a flacid penis simply will not WORK. EMotions dont give us erections, its the physical body we are in contact with, or the visual simulation someone is looking at.

[lukeb]

I wonder if it isnt a mistake to over-think analyse things too much, best to just get yourself out there be as social as you can, and meet people. I wish you the both the best of luck.